Family issue

LegacyUser

Hi, going un reg for this one.

I have an up coming family meeting and there are a lot of issues to be dealt with. I haven't spoken with some members of my family for years now and we are all going to be in one room to deal with a family issue. I am currently on anti-depressants and this situations is ringing alarm bells on my stress meter. I am so scared I am going to get attacked by the members of my family I don't talk to, or that they are going to put me down and belittle me as the usually do. I haven't faced them head on for years and this issue we are all trying to deal with this eveing is a serious one and I am worried it could spark into an arguement because it is so serious.

I am sick with worry over this meeting and I know I need to calm down, but that is easier said then done. If anyone has any tips on how they prepare for a stressful event please let me know. I am just looking for ways to stay calm before we meet and also how to keep calm when I get there. I suffer terrible with nervous rashes on my neck and I don't want to break out as I feel like that will be seen as a sign of weakness by the others at the meeting. All help and advice is appreciated. But please if your comment is not positve or helpful keep it to yourself I don't need that. Thank you.

Beruthiel

If it's bothering you so much, why are you going to the meeting?

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

If it's bothering you so much, why are you going to the meeting?

Because I need to and I have to and there are family members I speak to that I want to show my support to. Plus if I can find a way to over come this it will make me a stronger person. I firmly believe if you avoid life you don't learn and grow. Even though this is very hard for me to do I want to do it, so I can face my fear as it were and over come it. Just need advice on staying calm and in control really.

Beruthiel

Full of fear wrote: »

I firmly believe if you avoid life you don't learn and grow. Even though this is very hard for me to do I want to do it, so I can face my fear as it were and over come it.

You are quite correct and you will be the stronger for it.

Just need advice on staying calm and in control really.

Mental strength is something that just comes with practice.
Think before speaking.
Count to ten if you have to.
Rise above it.
Remind yourself that whatever happens, you won't die from it.

Witchie

Hi, I feel awful for you coz there is nothing worse than feeling so stressed that you are making yourself ill over it.

You said that you are on anti-depressants....did at any time your doctor prescribe an anti anxiety or sedative medication? If they did, you could probably take one but I warn you not to get into the habit of taking them. If you dont have something like that you could try some of the natural remedies, even one for sleeping like Calms coz that mite just relax you a little.

Rescue Remedy is another thing that is recommended but tbh I have never found it that helpful but it mite just be enough to calm you down.

Remember before you go in to the meeting to take a few deep breathes and tell yourself that you can do this and that as was said above it wont kill you.

Best of luck and remember no matter what they say or how they try to belittle you, you are a strong person who has faced up to an illness and is doing something about it and that takes strength that others in that room probably dont even have.

Taltos

Also - take control.
If any of them start in on you - stay calm - let them rant and then smile sweetly (trust me on this)
"OK - so back to why we are really all here then..." (and don't discuss for one moment what they are trying to get you to talk about).

Don't get drawn into discussions or arguments you don't want to. They can't force you to and the ultimate sign of control you have is to just calmly stand up, tell them that when they they are ready to talk about the real issue they know where to find you and leave.

Just breath deeply, focus on why you are there - and at the end of the day - these idiots have to live with themselves and those they make life a misery for - you don't. You get to leave there at the end of tonight proud that you had the strength to go somewhere where you know "children" will do their best to bully you.

You are right though - it might not feel it tonight - but doing this will make you stronger - focus on the positives and treat yourself afterwards...

poozers

keep your breathing as calm and regular as you possibly can. i do that in stressful situations and its helps a lot for me.

also, its hard to explain, but ill try. if you get a sudden feeling of fear or anxiety coming on, do not try to resist it. let it wash over you, and it will pass. i find that when i try to resist or surpress a feeling, that feeling starts getting worse and worse and it ovepowers me. doing this took a bit of practice for me.
just incase you dont know what i mean, the best way i can explain it is. if i say keep saying in my head "im not scared, im not nervous, im not scared, im not nervous" ill be concentrating too hard on not looking or feeling scared and it gradually gets worse, cos your aware of the building fear. but if i say "im scared, im nervous, and thats ok." its accepting the feeling and being aware that its there and you are more likely to deal with it, than push it away.

also, the ol pressing your palm technique. if you place your thumb in your palm while your sitting, and if you feel the anxiety, you could press your thumb into your palm (by the finger, not the nail), and that may work as a form of distraction, and ease the anxiety a bit. i hear of that tip all the time for people doing interviews etc.

best of luck OP! usually, the worst is the first 5 -10 minutes, but hopefully the pressure will ease after that! you'll be so proud of youself afterwards

Nothingbetter2d

perhaps getting the meeting over n done might actually be good for you... if ye all manage to sort your differences you may not feel so depressed all the time.

username123

I used to use the following tip to help me handle very very stressful situations with my alcoholic father.

I would imagine a neon sign across his forehead that said 'talking rubbish'. I would imagine that I had the power the make the neon sign flash by, say, touching my chin with my index finger. While he was ranting and saying horribly abusive things I would mentally see that sign, and Id touch my chin and make it flash.

It worked. It helped me to step outside of the situation and not react to what was being said. It was a way of me objectifying the situation to the degree that I would 'watch' him rant, but not engage with him ranting. In fact, I didnt even hear the rant - just mentally acknowledged that someone was shouting drunkenly.

Hope that helps.