Baby wont sleep in cot

daisydood

Hi everyone, i have a 12 month old daughter. She has always been used to sleeping in her cot at night time. In the evenings when i would come home from college and she needed her nap i used to pop her into my bed with me and we would both have a nap . (bad idea i know).

Anyways, the past month, she goes to sleep in her cot at night but will wake at 11-12 and scream untill she is picked up. I have tried putting her into my bed and letting her sleep and then lifting her back to cot, but everytime i do this she wakes and screams again. I'm at my wits end, i know its my own fault, i regret it so much now but i don't want to let it go on any further.

Has anybody got any ideas how i can get her to stay in her cot during the night. It has no affect on me her sleeping in my bed but i know once she reaches 2 or 3 there will be no going back! is it too late to try now?? any ideas greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

pwurple

Oh gosh, that must be upsetting for both of you if she is screaming every time.

They say it takes 4 consistant days In a row to establish a new routine. I would wait until i have a 4 day stretch where you can lose some sleep and stick to not going in to your bedroom with her. Put a chair in her room, and when she cries, pick her up and comfort her, but put her back in the cot until she goes back to sleep.

Maybe the bank holiday weekend?

How Strange

I'd do what pwurple suggested but urge caution with regards to crying. You don't want her to be distraught or hysterical so you need to constantly reassure her that you're there and she's as safe and secure in her cot as she is in your bed.

Btw I know pwurple said pretty much the same thing but others may suggest crying it out methods etc.

Hannibal Smith

Our second guy is a bit like that, he's not a fan of the cot at all...rarely sleeps in it during the day. We've tried everything from letting him cry it out, to soothing him and its really hit and miss. I expect when he gets older he's going to be like your little one.

I know a friend of mine ended up putting her daughter in a bed at a year and a half because she hated the cot so much.

Let me know if you find a solution!

January

pwurple wrote: »

Oh gosh, that must be upsetting for both of you if she is screaming every time.

They say it takes 4 consistant days In a row to establish a new routine. I would wait until i have a 4 day stretch where you can lose some sleep and stick to not going in to your bedroom with her. Put a chair in her room, and when she cries, pick her up and comfort her, but put her back in the cot until she goes back to sleep.

Maybe the bank holiday weekend?

It takes 3 days to break the habit, 3 days to establish the new routine... so 6 days in all... and some kids don't listen to what "they" say and can go on even longer.

But I agree with the chair in the room idea.

pwurple

Oh, I meant to say as well, make the cot as comfy as you can for her. We had similar problems with settling our small one in the cot at about 7 months when she got more mobile, even though we never put her in the bed. We put her in a sleeping bag, and got a super-thick cot bumper from the Gro Bag company. We make sure she has her special yellow blankie and pink dummy to hand in the cot for a bit of nighttime reassurance.

We stuck to a pattern for putting her down as well. Just to give her familiarity and let her know what's going on.
-In our lap in the chair for a story
-Lights out and milk
-then put her head up on our shoulder and rub her back.
-Then lie down in cot.

If she gets unsettled with teeth or anything, we do the last two steps again.. putting her down a minute or so after she is calm.

My mam has done bedtime when she babysits, and she thinks it is hilarious that the baby will now point to the chair, then storybook, then bottle. Then climb up on her shoulder, and point to the cot after a minute or two.

I think children have so little control over their lives, being hauled around by us all day long, that they love knowing what to expect and what is coming next. It's all about building up a familiar pattern.

It's possible alright, you'll get there I'm sure!

wmpdd3

Pwurple, i completely agree, my little girl is the same, make bottle downstairs, kiss everyone in the family, carried up the stairs tucked into cot, read story, rub her cheek, sleep.... They just love it and if she wakes up during the night its usually her teeth, so spoon of medicine, story, rub cheek, sleep.

Hannibal Smith

That's always worked with our first, he has his bedtime routine and it's been the same thing since he was born....bottle... bed...story...night night. He was, and still is great. He would conk out for the night and nothing would wake him!

This other one is a little more high maintenance...he gets the bottle, the story...night night...but he takes a lot more settling, we have a chair in the room, we had to do because sometimes it would take so long to settle him it became just common sense to put a chair there so our backs didn't break .

The only difference is I took the bumper off the cot for the second one, because I read somewhere they're not recommended anymore and if that's the case, he's just going to have to lump it...I'd rather he cried in the night than strangled himself (will go have a look at those grobag ones though)

Statistician

Babies need to learn how to put themselves to sleep. It's like any other skill they learn, like feeding themselves, drinking from a cup etc. You have to give them the chance to learn this new skill.

We got this huge book that was hundred of pages long about this, which I didn't read. I wanted answers now, not in six months time when I've assimilated the information. So someone else read it, and I tried to pick out the main ideas.

Here is a brief summary:
1. Communication. Let the baby know what is going on. Give them cues before you do whatever it is you are going to go. Let them know that it's 'nearly time for sleepy byes' about 15 minutes before bed or nap time. Keep letting them know.

2. Establish a routine, as has been mentioned already. We used role play for this.

3. When putting them down, don't try to get them to sleep yourself (eg feeding, rocking etc) because they then rely on this. Just say goodnight and close the door. Let them fall asleep themselves.

4. When you are closing the door, let them hear you do this. Let them know you are leaving the room. What can happen is that you are there when they go to sleep, and then when they wake up again you have (in their mind) suddenly vanished. Let them know you are leaving them room as this builds trust.

5. Listen to their cries, if they do cry. There are different types of cry and it's hard to work out which each means, but it's a very good thing to learn. Crys could mean:
- I'm sleepy and just want to go to sleep. Why can't I just be asleep.
(You know this one because you'll disturb them trying to go to sleep and make it worse.)

- I'm angry, where have you gone?
(For this one try going in after 5 mins, then 10mins and keep spreading it out.)

- I'm distraught or in pain etc.
(This one needs immediate attention, but don't confuse it with the angry one)


This is what worked for us, but your mileage may vary. I'll post again with the name of the book.

pwurple

You're right Hannibal, the bumpers with strings aren't recommended anymore... the grobag one is attached to a sheet that goes under the mattress to hold it in place, and is velcro-ed onto the side. It's not totally perfect. I stitched on an extra section of velcro at the top, but it's pretty good, and no strings.

A chair in her room for us to sit on made a big difference alright. Otherwise you end up going into your own bedroom to sit down on the bed while holding them, they see the bed, it's so easy to put them there... and it all goes pear-shaped again.

Hannibal Smith

Just googled.. I found one that wraps around the cot...couldnt find one on the grobag site...thought to be fair I got a bot distracted by all the cute new colours

I think i'll go for the one that wraps round...if nothing else he'll look snugger lol. Thanks pwuple

quad_red

pwurple wrote: »

Oh, I meant to say as well, make the cot as comfy as you can for her. We had similar problems with settling our small one in the cot at about 7 months when she got more mobile, even though we never put her in the bed. We put her in a sleeping bag, and got a super-thick cot bumper from the Gro Bag company. We make sure she has her special yellow blankie and pink dummy to hand in the cot for a bit of nighttime reassurance.

We stuck to a pattern for putting her down as well. Just to give her familiarity and let her know what's going on.
-In our lap in the chair for a story
-Lights out and milk
-then put her head up on our shoulder and rub her back.
-Then lie down in cot.

If she gets unsettled with teeth or anything, we do the last two steps again.. putting her down a minute or so after she is calm.

My mam has done bedtime when she babysits, and she thinks it is hilarious that the baby will now point to the chair, then storybook, then bottle. Then climb up on her shoulder, and point to the cot after a minute or two.

I think children have so little control over their lives, being hauled around by us all day long, that they love knowing what to expect and what is coming next. It's all about building up a familiar pattern.

It's possible alright, you'll get there I'm sure!

Gotta +1 this. Our man sleeps eleven hours straight every night and I think it was all down to routine. He knows when the 'wind down' period starts, his last feed, his trip to his bedroom, putting his baby sack on, sitting down to read his two bedtime books (the same two books and they're both about babies going to bed). Saying good night to his teddys and walking around the room. All done gently, not rushed, at his pace. By the end of the routine (only takes a few minutes) it's like watching someone being given an anesthetic.

He will wake the odd time during the night and we can hear him babbling away for a few minutes but he puts himself back over without us intervening.

At around six months we had a period where he would wake up around 45/50 minutes after being put down and he would wake crying. Sometimes he would get very upset. But it was a phase and as has been suggested above, giving a few minutes before going in (unless it's pain/hysterical) and then being gentle and consistent (and not taking him out of the room) sorted it out.

Good luck!