Should I drop out of college?

willfromcork

Well basically I posted this thread a few weeks ago and in I explained my story here!
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=2056623354
I still haven't contacted a councilor because I did ring a helpline and talked for a few minutes. I am really ashamed of my past and what that man did to me and I am to ashamed to admit it. It is really like that guy still controls me and I am powerless when ever he is around me. I just don't know how to go out there and get the help.
As when it comes to college I don't really enjoy my course anymore I liked it before Christmas but since then it's lost it's buzz for me. I just don't enjoy any aspect of it really but I feel this may because of the mood I am in the whole time. I also have to do a work placement for the Summer and I don't want to do it and have no interest in doing it. I am not even studying for my final exams because I simple don't really care anymore. My problem with the work environment is I get told what to do and I hate being controlled by people it just makes me so angry throughout school and college I never had a problem with any teacher or lecturer until they tried and controlled me and I think this is because of abuse!
Do you think I should stay in my course?
I really want to get things sorted in my life but I know if I do people will find out about the past and I don't want this to happen, I am just so ashamed of it!

Green Gelato

It's hard to stay in college when your head's not in the right place for it. You say you enjoyed the course before Christmas - did you enjoy the course content itself or more just the college experience do you think?

I was in a situation like this before, regarding the whole college thing. Thing it, nobody's going to turn around and tell you that dropping out is the right thing to do, because nobody wants that kind of responsibility on their head. It's such a personal decision. The advice I'd give you is don't view this as your one and only chance at getting into college, just because your Leaving Cert results weren't great. There are so many other options out there, especially for mature students (over 23s).

12 years on, I feel that dropping out of college (twice!!) was definitely the right decision for myself. I know if I'd battled on despite my feelings about it I would have barely passed my degree, and poor results would have stopped me getting into other post-grad courses down the line. I've since got several post-grad qualifications and very high grads in each. So for me it was the right thing to do, though it upset a lot of people at the time and everyone was 'worried about me' for a few years. But when you eventually find what you love, you'll do well in it. The only regret I have is that I didn't make the most of the college services while I was there. I wasn't really aware of how to use the college counselling service, for example and couldn't afford a private one.

So I would say, find out about that definitely. Also, speak to the Dean (or whoever the appropriate person in charge in your college is) about how you feel. I would recommend at this stage maybe attempting your exams, but planning to take a year out after. So maybe speak to the college about taking a year out and maybe deferring your work placement til next year if possible? You need some space to clear your head. Just try and get through these exams anyway - you might be glad later that you've a year down and you might feel differently about the course after a break.

looksee

willfromcork wrote: »

Well basically I posted this thread a few weeks ago and in I explained my story here!
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=2056623354
I still haven't contacted a councilor because I did ring a helpline and talked for a few minutes. I am really ashamed of my past and what that man did to me and I am to ashamed to admit it. It is really like that guy still controls me and I am powerless when ever he is around me. I just don't know how to go out there and get the help.
As when it comes to college I don't really enjoy my course anymore I liked it before Christmas but since then it's lost it's buzz for me. I just don't enjoy any aspect of it really but I feel this may because of the mood I am in the whole time. I also have to do a work placement for the Summer and I don't want to do it and have no interest in doing it. I am not even studying for my final exams because I simple don't really care anymore. My problem with the work environment is I get told what to do and I hate being controlled by people it just makes me so angry throughout school and college I never had a problem with any teacher or lecturer until they tried and controlled me and I think this is because of abuse!
Do you think I should stay in my course?
I really want to get things sorted in my life but I know if I do people will find out about the past and I don't want this to happen, I am just so ashamed of it!

Maybe dropping out might be the best thing for you at the moment, but only on the understanding that you are going to deal with the issues.

You talk about being told what to do and being controlled. Think about it though. If you are doing a job someone has to tell you what needs to be done and what your part in this could be. You choose to take that on and do what is necessary. You also have the ability to choose not take it on. You are not being controlled, you are choosing to be involved in what is being done. Admittedly you will not get paid if you choose not to be involved, but it is a choice.

Its the same in college. No-one wants to control you, they are just offering you the option of completing tasks, the result of which will allow them to give you the piece of paper that you feel you need. Sometimes the manner and language of the lecturers might sound like orders, but at all times you have the choice to do it or not. If you don't you will not get their piece of paper, but they are not forcing you. You are making the choices.

I am a teacher (Further Ed) and I never have the sense that I am controlling students. I have to manage the class so that we get something done, but at all times I am aware that I am only putting forward ideas and requirements, whether the students do what I suggest is up to them. I am just marking this year's offerings and it is very obvious which students chose to get involved and which did not. Still there is no sense that they 'disobeyed' me, they made a choice and that choice will be reflected in their results.

It will be the same for you. You can choose to believe that you are what the bullies have said, or you can choose to believe that they are pathetic hive-mind types who bolster their own lack of self-worth by mocking others. You can choose to let them - and your abuser - direct your life, or you can direct it yourself.

It seems a pity to back down this close to the end, but you can, its your choice. But make sure it is your choice and not theirs'.

willfromcork

Thanks for the advice everyone!
If I am being honest I don't think I like the course really. I enjoyed it at the start because it was from secondary school and it was a chance to meet new people but if asked me what would I like to do I have no really idea.
I am just tired of feeling this way when I am with people I come across as happy and bubbly and I am so tired of putting on such an act the whole time!