Little advice please

LegacyUser

2 weeks ago I was out, met a guy, hit it off, went back to his. The next day I forgot to take my scarf with me when I was leaving.

We'd been texting a good bit for about a week after. Flirting a bit, saying I'd have to go back to his to get my scarf etc etc. And then he stops replying to me. Haven't heard from him for 5 days now.

It's not a particularly expensive scarf but I like it and want it back. We both work on the northside of the city close to each other so do ye think it'd be ok if I just rang him some evening and asked could he meet me the next day with the scarf? That's not weird is it?

Ta.

IrishEyes19

Im at two minds about this he may have taken the message the wrong way and assumed you were being overly clingy wanting to come over again, if you mentioned this when you were being flirty, the message may have been construed the wrong way.

Its also only been two weeks and 5 days isnt major either, I mean obviously if you want the scarf back, just text in a day or two, but be cool. I dont condone playing games or being indirect, I would just say, hey can I meet you here with my scarf or drop it into a nearby shop or something. I cant put my finger on it, but it just seems a bit much they way you're going about it, as its only a scarf and Im sure he's not going to hold onto it on randsom.

Diddler1977

scarfless wrote: »

2 weeks ago I was out, met a guy, hit it off, went back to his. The next day I forgot to take my scarf with me when I was leaving.

We'd been texting a good bit for about a week after. Flirting a bit, saying I'd have to go back to his to get my scarf etc etc. And then he stops replying to me. Haven't heard from him for 5 days now.

It's not a particularly expensive scarf but I like it and want it back. We both work on the northside of the city close to each other so do ye think it'd be ok if I just rang him some evening and asked could he meet me the next day with the scarf? That's not weird is it?

Ta.

Forget about he scarf.

If he texts to arrange a date you can get the scarf from him then.

Stop trying to orchestrate something and using the scarf as a way to do it.

xzanti

+1 on writing the scarf off..

If you ring looking for the scarf, regardless if you are genuinely only interested in the scarf, he's going to think you just want to see him again..

If he hasn't called, it generally means he's not interested, sorry to say.

You gotta weigh this one up.

Scarf or dignity?

Unless of course you send someone else to collect it, or ask him to post it to you? He may still think you're just trying to initiate contact though.

LegacyUser

Think people may be getting the wrong end of the stick here?

First of all, it was him doing most of the flirting and saying I'd need to go back to his, not me. Would a guy be accused of being clingy for saying something like that? I don't think so...

He was all about meeting up but it was when we got to sorting out a day and time that he fecked off. Which says to me that he's all talk no action. That's fine, no loss to me. Except for the scarf.

I'm not trying to use a scarf to orchestrate a date (lol) nor am I at all worried about my dignity. Just wondering what's the best way to go about getting it back.

rainbowtrout

Well assuming he's not interested in meeting you again, and you really want your scarf back, and accept that he's not interested in meeting you, you could just send him a text asking him to post you your scarf or leave it into your workplace or somewhere convenient where you can collect it. Don't make any mention of meeting him to collect it. That way, you will get your scarf back and he can give it back to you without having to meet you if he doesn't want to. If he does want to meet you he will let you know.

Because if you do arrange to meet him somewhere to collect the scarf, what's going to happen? You're hardly going to walk up to him, take the scarf, say thanks, and walk away. He'll have to engage in small talk at least for a while, and he may not want to do that.

If you're just engineering a way of meeting him again, and using the scarf as an excuse, it's probably a dead duck at this stage.

LegacyUser

Send him a text saying that you would like the scarf back, could he please leave it in at your works reception. If he doesn't do it then just forget about it.

LegacyUser

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Because if you do arrange to meet him somewhere to collect the scarf, what's going to happen? You're hardly going to walk up to him, take the scarf, say thanks, and walk away. He'll have to engage in small talk at least for a while, and he may not want to do that.

If you're just engineering a way of meeting him again, and using the scarf as an excuse, it's probably a dead duck at this stage.

Is meeting up really that big a deal? "Hey, thanks for bringing this in, sorry for the hassle, seeya then" Job done.

And no, like I said, definitely not using this to try get date or something.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

I'd say he is a bit scared you are using the scarf as a way to hook up again and that is why he went off the radar for 5 days as soon as you mentioned it.

Just to clarify, I didn't mention the scarf yet. It was him who was talking about it.

sunflower27 wrote: »

I don't really get the dignity thing? You want your scarf back. Simple. If a guy left a watch or something would he be worried about asking for it back in case the woman thought he was just wanting to meet with her again?

After you have sent the text you won't be contacting him again I presume, so no harm done

I hope he bothers his @rse to send it to you

I don't get the dignity thing either. It was suggested I was being clingy saying I'd need to go back to his but it was him that said that and I don't think anyone would call a guy clingy for being flirty like that. Gah! Double standards?

I had thought meeting up with him would be the best option because it would be least hassle for him. Getting him to post it might be a bit much? My workplace doesn't really have a reception he could leave it into. Maybe I'll suggest him leaving it in his workplace's reception, I could collect it from there.

I also hope he bothers his @rse to get it back to me

dellas1979

Woah there - ask him to leave it at his reception area of work and you collect it?

Are you thinkin this through here?

Why dont you just ask him, "what is the best way for you to get the scarf back to me i.e. post/leave it somewhere/meet. What ever suits ya".

Job done.

rainbowtrout

scarfless wrote: »

Is meeting up really that big a deal? "Hey, thanks for bringing this in, sorry for the hassle, seeya then" Job done.

And no, like I said, definitely not using this to try get date or something.

Well it is if he doesn't want to meet you again. Remember, he hasn't replied to your texts from about a week ago. If he's not interested in meeting you again, he's hardly going to want to meet you to return your scarf, even if you only want to get your scarf back. He doesn't know what your intentions are.

And realistically if he went to the trouble of meeting you or dropping the scarf to your workplace, you're hardly going to take it from his hand after that effort, turn on your heel and walk away. It would be a little rude to say the least. So allowing him to avoid having to meet you if he doesn't want to it would be a lot easier to give him an option to leave it somewhere or post it to you. If you don't want another date and you really want your scarf, I don't see why this wouldn't be a big deal for you.

newuser30

sorry but it is weird you'd ring him/text seriously about the scarf. If it's not expensive forget it!!!And meeting up with him with a cold exchange about the scarf would be even weirder and awkward! For him anyway because he's well aware he stopped contacting you and didnt give a reason!