Relationship ending prematurely

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I apologise in advance as I'm probably looking more for support than advice. I just feel helpless and heartbroken with the turn my current relationship has taken.

Two months ago (almost to the day), I met an amazing girl. We hit it off immediately (despite their being somewhat of a language barrier and cultural difference). We spent alot of time together, would text from early morning until night, very much a close relationship. After a month we decided to make it exclusive. Everything had been going great. All lovey-dovey, the usual gooey stuff that young people do (I'm 20, she's 19).

But a week or two ago, after I accidentally hurt her with a silly joke, things started to change. She texts me less and less, does not seem as happy, wants to see me less etc.. I've talked to her about it and she says she doesn't know if she can feel the way that she used to. I'm heartbroken, because I'm still crazy about her. It just seems to abrupt. I was just out of a two year relationship a few months before meeting this girl, and was not expecting it at all. But I've never felt this way about anyone. I know I will get over her eventually, but how do I get her to see that she should be with me? I think I know the answer - there is no way.

Right now she told me she needs time to think. We are still together, barely. The last couple days I've sent her some texts but she doesn't respond, and when she does she is angry, telling me she needs time. So I am going to leave her alone until she knows what she wants. But I don't see how this can end well. Not seeing someone and not talking to someone will only lead you to grow further apart, won't it? Someone please tell me I'm wrong... The thing that kills me, is that a couple weeks ago, she was very much falling for me. Everything was so good. And this is just so sudden, I can't get my head around how things can change so quickly. The waiting is agonising. Made even worse since I'm 99% sure I know what she's going to say. If she would let me see her, I know she would feel better about our future. But she doesn't want to see me.

msg11

Give her some space, if she keeps up this act and can't decided to continue on and leave what was said in the past just there, then you should just move on yourself as she will just continue messing you around. It will play over like it is doing now in your head and consume your life, we are only young and there is more out there.

Best of luck !

newuser30

ok so it seems you think it was downhill since this 'joke', which begs the question what on earth did you say to cause such a sudden turn? Have you talked to her about it? She seems really angry about it. But both of you shouldn't be dragging it out like this, either she forgives you and gets over it or she breaks up with you. If she won't even talk to you about it then forget her and move on! I'd say she is being immature about this but then again I dont know what was said. No point hanging round in limbo waiting though.

LegacyUser

I don't think the problem is her being angry at me at this point, it's that she doesn't know if she likes me anymore. I really don't understand how it's progressed so fast. I know there are plenty of other girls out there, but I want her. She is absolutely gorgeous, and has the cutest personality (most of the time).

I can assure you that the joke I made was not too bad. Certainly nothing that should have led to this, but I'm certain that it actually has. She is nothing like the Irish girls I've been with, so I should have been more cautious. I just keep replaying it over in my head, I wish I could take it back.

I've really fallen for this girl and I don't know what I'll do if/when she finishes this. Just as the summer is starting too! We could have had so much fun

_dublinlad_

Oh god - what on eath did you say?!

She sounds fairly imature just shuting you out and leaving you hanging like that. I know you really like her and all that but if she wont talk to you about it - for your own sanity you need to give her an ultimatum, "is it on or off". If she says off and she still wont talk to you about it, then move on.... she aint worth it

Kidchameleon

Is she Polish? I'm not suggesting that all of them are the same but I find the cultural difference can make some of the girls very easily offended. She should understand that there are cultural differences and not take things personally.

From my own experience, I was learning a bit of Polish in the pub one night with a few colleagues. One of the girls went absolutely f*cking crazy over something I said. She should have known in the context of the situation that I didn't know what I was saying. I feel she was in the wrong and totally overreacted.

LegacyUser

No, she's Brazilian. I don't see how she can go from not wanting to talk to me at all, to wanting to stay with me. So I think all hope is pretty much gone. I'm going to give her a couple of days more (although she'll likely finish with me before that), as I can't see her for a few days anyway. If it gets to Sunday and I still haven't heard anything then it's time to put an end to the sillyness and tell her to give me an answer.

Still have that sick feeling at the pit of my stomach, when you know you're just waiting for the inevitable. What are the chances that she decides she wants to stay with me? Keep in mind that she won't even talk to me.

LegacyUser

I went out with a girl who took offence at various jokes and comments... she was hot and we got on fine....

I started to notice that I had to watch what I say in case she got offended / thought my jokes were stupid (which most of my friends and colleagues thought were amusing).

I found that I stopped being myself around her and was doing things on her terms.

We just weren't meant to be. We still get on years later but we werent' suited as a couple.

Maybe you guys just aren;t suited. Maybe she is too sensitive. Maybe the language barrier would always come between you guys.

For someone to get so offended and be so unforgiving about one comment strikes me as very odd (unless it was horrendous). Maybe you should count yourself lucky that you won't have to put up with that type of behaviour .

LegacyUser

I know I will feel the same as you if we break up, but it will take a lot of time for me to come round to that way of thinking. Simply because I am so into her. I just feel it's far too early to give up on what we had.

I had the same problem with an ex-girlfriend. Couldn't be myself around her because she was so sensitive. But that's a different discussion. With this girl, it's made worse because she is great fun when she is in a good mood. And re the language, I've picked up a lot of the language just from being around her. When I say a lot, it's obviously not a lot in real terms, but more than you would expect for just two months. I'm not worried about the language barrier at all. Her English is basic but getting better.

Thanks for the replies. I think I will be OK if this ends after some time. But I will miss her so much. We were very much heading towards love (unfortunately, I think I'm already there).

Lorna123

The best thing you can do is wait this out and for God's sake stop contacting her. The more you contact her the longer she will leave it to give you your answer....why.....because she is not going through any pain like you are and doesn't feel the urgency that you feel. Coming to a conclusion by next Sunday is madness, that is too soon. She will make up her mind much quicker if you back off and let her be. Let her be the one to contact you next. Hope this works out for you.

EGAR

Years ago I went out with a guy who after a few weeks made a racist joke one evening. And it was like someone had flipped a switch. I could not help it, I had to end it.

Roll on a few years later and my OH constantly cracks stupid jokes about pretty much everything and it doesn't bother me, it's annoying alright but not to the point where I want to finish it with him.

My point is that perhaps things didn't go as swimmingly from the beginning for you two?

LegacyUser

May as well elaborate on the comment made.

My older brother is also going out with a Brazilian girl. My girlfriend and his know eachother, and mine is distrusting of her (as she is with all Brazilian girls for some reason). Now, my girlfriend and her sister (who is my best friend's girlfriend - I'm sorry, this is hard to keep up with), both think my brother is attractive as they have told me so. I didn't really mind this much as long as it wasn't serious, and it was fairly obvious that it was just a cultural difference - they think anything that isn't bet up is beautiful. My girlfriend would sometimes make remarks about my brother to try to make me jealous. It never really worked, but it got to a point where I told her enough is enough.

This sounds pretty strange, but here's where I made the joke/mistake. We were speaking online one night (in Portuguese), and, at least according to her, she asked me if I was going on a night out with my brother. I read this as her making another compliment at my brother. My portuguese was at the point here where I understood alot of what she said without translating, and this is one of the few times that I thought I understood, but apparently didn't. As a result of this percieved dig, I told her that my brother's girlfriend (whom she isn't really fond of) is also attractive. Huge mistake. She stopped talking to me immediately, and this is where everything started to change. This happened about 3 weeks ago, and she seemed to forget about it after a few days of apologies and hard work. We've had some great times together since then, but now it's a problem again. She doesn't think she can forget it. The thing is, she knows for a fact that I'm not attracted to my brother's girlfriend. For one thing, I don't find her attractive at all (neither does my girlfriend), and besides, she's my brothers girlfriend! She knows I only said it in response to what I thought she said to me, but she still can't seem to get past it.

I'm at the point now where I don't care how this turns out. I'm sure I'll be extremely upset if we finish, and I'll miss her lots, but I don't think I did anything to deserve this. It was a silly mistake, one that I completely regret, but it's been completely blown out of proportion. Especially when you consider that she has said many times that my brother is attractive. Talk about a double standard.

I finished college exams today and am going out with my friends tonight. She was invited but won't come (which is fair enough, she wouldn't have came even if we were on good terms because she wouldn't be comfortable yet). It's also to celebrate my 21st, which is in 2 days time. I just hope she doesn't decide to break up with me in the next couple of days. That would be beyond cruel.

LegacyUser

Just to provide closure - it's now over. She broke up with me on facebook, without telling me. Think I might just be better off without a girl like her.