Fake Friends?

kate1991

Hi there,

Would really appreciate some advice as I'm at my wits end. Throughout my life I have always had friends, people too hang out with, go for drinks with etc. But when I moved away for college not many of these friends stayed in contact, the ones who did we just eventually stopped chatting regularly due to other commitments - meeting new friends in college. I fitted in very well and made a lot of friends in the college I attended, I lived with an amazing group of girls who I would have done anything for. But about two months ago, I decided I wasn't happy in my course and dropped out and moved home. Since I have, nobody that would have been in my close group of friends, which would have been alot have stayed in contact. I feel I'm always the one who makes an effort with them. I feel that now I'm no longer around they don't want to know me. After a number of times trying to make an effort and getting odd vibes I decided to ask them if I had done something, were they angry and I felt that since I had moved home they didn't want to know me. Every answer was the same 'No, everythings fine' etc.. but still nothing from anyone. It's so upsetting as I have no idea what I have done, nobody will tell me and I would do anything for these people and they don't give a **** about me.
Since moving home i'm starting to get in contact with old friends but, I still feel like i'm being a burden on them. I'm so lonely constantly and don't know what to do. I'm twenty one years old and I feel like I don't have one friend I can truly call a friend.
Advice/ Help/ Anything appreciated.

chocolatrose

Hi kate1991,

I have been in the same situation too. Unfortunately, people drift apart and you have to accept it and try to find new friends in new quarters. If they were true friends they wouldn't have just stopped contact with you like that no matter what the circumstances. You have made the effort to keep in touch so there is no more you can do. Stop blaming yourself, they are the one with the problem to treat a good friend the way they have. They aren't worth your effort. I think a lot of it has to do with immaturity and being too caught up in their own lives. Don't let it get you down, you will meet plenty more friends as you go through life.

holyhead

OP, I was sad reading your story. You are young though so don't despair. True friends are not easy to find and tend to be small in numbers. But they are out there. Join clubs etc. We will have many acquaintances in life. I have a circle of 4 really close friends. I find I have to inititiate the contact most times but I think therefore I have set a pattern which my friends expect to be the norm. Its not that they dont care but they know I will contact them when I want to. I know they are always there for me and they have been very good to me and sincere. Chin up and get involved in activities. Nobody is going to knock on your door until you do!

IrishEyes19

Feels like you have written my story, OP!! Same age practically and same problem. Its really tough, and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. I keep looking forward to my goals to get me through it, and that keeps me above water, that once I get back to where I want to be, I can make new friends and move on. I made very close friends in college too and one in particular basically dropped me once I returned home after graduating. Broke my spirit. I really feel for you. And keep your head up!!! Clubs, societies in your region. Anything to tie you over!! best of luck

Piliger

Yeah ... good friends are hard to find and important to invest in. Many friends are friends of convenience, or friends of short term common involvement. When you were in your course, the course contents and the joint endeavour formed the basis of being colleagues, not really friends. It's hard learning how to differentiate
You dropped out so you don't share that common endeavour and the relationship fizzled out.
When we change courses or jobs or change where we live, everything gets disrupted and the real for being close to colleagues dies.
I sympathise. I am in a difficult situation myself, for different but difficult reason, and losing friends is an awful feeling.
Try to make sure you differentiate between real friends, who share your friendship irrespective of where you study/work/live, and colleagues. Most of us only have two or at most three such friends.

Best of luck.

Wompa1

Well, This probably won't be what you want to hear because I'm a guy and the way guys are with friends seems to be a lot different to how girls are.

With my friends I could go without talking to them for months at a time. When we talk again it's like I've been talking to them every day. There's no drama. Why are you so reliant on those friends. They have their lives and you have yours. When you feel like talking to them do, otherwise don't. Simple

thefeatheredcat

I'd take it as a more "out of sight, out of mind" sort of thing. Your life changed, moved to different pastures and their lives have just continued regardless. When people's lives change so does everything else and people tend to keep the company more of those directly involved with where they are at in life, rather than old friends that they hardly see or can't interact with on the same basis as everyone else immediately around them.

You've done your part and made your efforts with them and I'd leave it at that. Don't let worrying thoughts or blaming yourself or being so hard on yourself get you down. It's unnecessary and I would seriously doubt that you have done anything wrong at all in their eyes.

The best cure for loneliness is to pick yourself off the floor and get active and meet new people in a positive manner in things that you're interested in. So look around you, what can you get involved in or take interest in that interests you that you'll get to meet new people?

kate1991

Thanks a million for the advice guys. I know some people may think that I'm over thinking the situation but I can't help but look on at other friends and envy the relationships they have with people. I was recently diagnosed with depression, i'm struggling with this situation more because of that. I can't help but feel completely alone and worthless. The worst thing is I know I'm better then this. stuck in such a rut I have no idea how to remove myself from it