Delicate situation, what do I do?

kalmanon2

Right guys, I have a slight dilemna, trying to use common sense on it, but want some feedback on it to confirm my gut instincts...

I am bi, irish, in aberdeen studying at the moment, and one of my friends is gay.

Now, I am currently having issues with him I am struggling to work through with him, that I am struggling to decide on how I handle, I know the options, but just being indecisive you could say - story of my life maybe...

Right first things first I suppose. This friend has only come to mine twice, because in his words, he "doesnt like where I stay", has stood me up 5 or 6 times in last few months, saying he will come to the local bar and not coming etc.
He is also on at me to come to his, or meet at uni, or go for a meal in town or whatever, and doesnt seem to get how things annoy me.

The other big issue involves an encounter I saw on a night out. There are two LGBT venues in Aberdeen at the moment, Chaplins and Cheerz.
I was in Chaplins, and I saw my friend come in and go upstairs, I had thought he was with his boyfriend in cheerz, so I followed up to say hi, to see him on a couch with someone I didnt know on top of him, well partways on top of him shall we say... I discretely went off and tried to nab him later.

I tried asking him what the hell afterwards, and he was really defensive, and said him and his boyfriend have an "arrangement" about "kissing" other guys.

I dont quite believe him due to fact that they didnt seem to have been kissing, they were doing it in a club where his boyfriend was in the other one, and the fact he was so aggressively defensive.

Needless to say, I havent said what happened to anyone, I have tried saying to him I want to talk to him about some issues, but he seems to be avoiding me...

Just some opinions about what you think about the situation, so I can see how objective or not I am being

Thanks

Damian

kalmanon2

PS Oh and sorry its such a long one

looksee

You don't really have a dilemma at all. This guy is not your boyfriend, in fact seems to be avoiding even being a friend, and you took it on yourself to meddle in his personal life? None of your business.

He has stood you up numerous times and you don't get the message? And you talk about him not getting what annoys you? How about what annoys him?

Why are you persisting in hanging around this person? Leave him alone, get on with your own life, find someone who does understand and appreciate you.

kalmanon2

If it was a case of avoiding me full stop, yes you would be right, but he has had a habit of getting in touch at times and asking me to meet him for meals out or whatever, it just seems to be my place where he doesnt want to come to, and i didnt intentionally meddle, its just hes sending strange signals to me about whether he actually is a friend or not, so...

the_syco

kalmanon2 wrote: »

Right first things first I suppose. This friend has only come to mine twice, because in his words, he "doesnt like where I stay", has stood me up 5 or 6 times in last few months, saying he will come to the local bar and not coming etc.

I saw my friend come in and go upstairs, I had thought he was with his boyfriend in cheerz, so I followed up to say hi, to see him on a couch with someone I didnt know on top of him, well partways on top of him shall we say... I discretely went off and tried to nab him later.

I tried asking him what the hell afterwards, and he was really defensive, and said him and his boyfriend have an "arrangement" about "kissing" other guys.

Sounds like he's cheating on his BF with other guys (which you've witnessed) but also kept on some sort of doormat leash, that if all else fails he's your "buddy".

Probably best to avoid him, and make better friends.

oisindoyle

Have to agree with the above.
Leave your friend to it ,don't get involved .
IF he and his boyfriend have an arragement about kissing other guys ,so be it ,IF they don't and you think your friend is cheating,so be it ,leave him to it.It's none of your concern.
Get on with your own life ,get yourself new friends ,a boyfriend or girlfriend and be happy

Dwn Wth Vwls

He doesn't sound like much of a friend, just that he wants you to come running when he's bored and it suits him.

You can find real friends, don't waste your time on him.

Conor30

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

He doesn't sound like much of a friend, just that he wants you to come running when he's bored and it suits him.

You can find real friends, don't waste your time on him.

I agree with this and the other posts that have been written.

We can only go by what you've told us, but by what you've said he sounds like a bit of a user and quite a selfish person to boot. Why do you care if he's cheating on his bf? That's his business. Is his bf a friend of yours or something??

Do you think you subconsciously fancy this guy and that's why you're trying to be so involved in his life?

If I were you, I'd start getting on with my own life and let this guy be. He obviously doesn't want to be a friend of yours, at least not a real, genuine one. Do you not deserve better?

kalmanon2

His Bf happens to be a friend of mine as well, which is why its a delicate position, plus the BF happens to have issues from a previous relationship, which has left him more than a little needy and open to being hurt all the more...

ninty9er

Do you see his BF as regularly as you see him?