Annoying things your colleagues do

Kimia

This guy that I work with makes the weirdest hacking cough noise, it's gag-inducing. Everytime I hear it it makes my skin crawl. I hate coughing in general actually. :mad:

policarp

Come to work. . .

eyesquirm

I hate it when my colleagues actually do some work. Makes me look like a dosser.

brummytom

Just...exist.

I hate people. Especially working with creepy old men when I'm more or less a child. Having someone say 'call me uncle...' isn't nice, it's fucking scary.

MickySticks

Work with a guy who is constantly in a good mood, from 8-5 he is laughing and joking all the time and he makes the rest of us look miserable. His parents could be murdered and he would still be in a happy mood.

Fucking annoying prick.

CavanCrew

Talking about their kids, when you are the same age as their kids.

Red Hand

brummytom wrote: »

Just...exist.

I hate people. Especially working with creepy old men when I'm more or less a child. Having someone say 'call me uncle...' isn't nice, it's fucking scary.

Haha, that's crazy. Where the hell do you work, Santa's Grotto?:pac:

I hate the colleague who is totally predictable. Asks the same stupid questions every time I see him and always needs me to tell him how to work a particular machine. Never remembers it himself, I have to tell him how to do it each bloody time.:mad:

eyesquirm

Must also add that along with dossing, I'm constantly happy, joking and laughing from 8-5. Everyone else looks miserable.

Nothing could put me in a bad mood, even the time my parents died.



:pac:

mikemac1

Beggars
Birthdays, weddings, fun-runs, charities and every other cause under the sun
Take those envelopes away from me, yiz are worse then the chuggers

Busybodies
Every office has a "mother hen" type who saves birthdays to her calendar and then demands money for cakes
Yet that's "for the girls". I'm not asking for a cake for myself but I don't see why I pay for the clique of women but get nothing ever ever.

Thieves
Had a football team mug in the canteen which I specially ordered off a website. Stolen
Sometimes when working late I put my lunch in the canteen fridge. For a treat I like sushi, something nice. Also stolen

Hypocondriacs
I think these people read the newspaper and just chose the fashionable disease of the day. One girl was convinced she had swine flu

Da management.
Do you play baseball? Well why do you phone people to "touch base"??
Oh I could write fifty lines here with the management speak bull**** the boss comes out with

MickySticks

MickySticks wrote: »

Fucking annoying prick.

eyesquirm wrote: »

Must also add that along with dossing, I'm constantly happy, joking and laughing from 8-5. Everyone else looks miserable.

Nothing could put me in a bad mood, even the time my parents died.



:pac:

:pac:

policarp

Practical jokes are funny sometimes.

But not all the time. . .

Mickey H

Fapping.

It's distracting.

im invisible

mikemac1 wrote: »

Beggars
Birthdays, weddings, fun-runs, charities and every other cause under the sun
Take those envelopes away from me, yiz are worse then the chuggers

Busybodies
Every office has a "mother hen" type who saves birthdays to her calendar and then demands money for cakes
Yet that's "for the girls". I'm not asking for a cake for myself but I don't see why I pay for the clique of women but get nothing ever ever.

Thieves
Had a football team mug in the canteen which I specially ordered off a website. Stolen
Sometimes when working late I put my lunch in the canteen fridge. For a treat I like sushi, something nice. Also stolen

Hypocondriacs
I think these people read the newspaper and just chose the fashionable disease of the day. One girl was convinced she had swine flu

Da management.
Do you play baseball? Well why do you phone people to "touch base"??
Oh I could write fifty lines here with the management speak bull**** the boss comes out with

and now on to liars

mikemac1

im invisible wrote: »

and now on to liars

This aimed at me?

Mickey H

mikemac1 wrote: »

This aimed at me?

I doubt it.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Its just me and the old man at the moment but last year we had an apprentice who had a habit of asking asinine questions. For instance on one occasion he asked me the difference between civil and common law. A kid with a law degree should't have to ask such an ignorant question.

MickySticks

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Its just me and the old man at the moment but last year we had an apprentice who had a habit of asking asinine questions. For instance on one occasion he asked me the difference between civil and common law. A kid with a law degree should't have to ask such an ignorant question.

Sorry if this is an asinine question but what's an asinine question?

Motorist

One nut job I work with can't go more than 2 months without being sick. If she is reprimanded, she calls in sick for several weeks with "back" problems. It's amazing how co-incidental it always is to someone telling her how not to do her job. She's fully briefed of how far she can push it with absences before getting a disciplinary. Getting stuck with someone like her would be my worst nightmare if I were an employer or business owner.

DEFTLEFTHAND

MickySticks wrote: »

Sorry if this is an asinine question but what's an asinine question?

A question that a man of his supposed qualifications should be easily able to answer himself.

Jacster

The perennial asskisser. The one who makes a big deal out of doing the simplest of things just for the look at me, look at what I can do attention.

The hands on hips eye rolling oh me oh my I have so much to do type, the kind that spend more time talking about the work they have to do then actually doing it.

The fakers who are all smiles and false niceties to your face only to rip the crap out of you behind your back when you walk away.

I could go on...........and on

cocoshovel

Fat f*cks who moan and complain about every task they have to do, and then dont bother their arse/do a half assed job.

sligoface

speak in an eastern european language to each other. constantly. managers included.

Mickey H

sligoface wrote: »

speak in an eastern european language to each other. constantly. managers included.

This is even worse when they're looking at you while talking in their native language. You're always wondering if they're talking about you. They could be, but who are you to know.

Solution: Talk Irish to your Irish colleagues.

Jacster

Mickey H wrote: »

This is even worse when they're looking at you while talking in their native language. You're always wondering if they're talking about you. They could be, but who are you to know.

Solution: Talk Irish to your Irish colleagues.

Ha, well if they're looking at you when they're talking you can be sure its you they're talking about!
Couple of South African lads where I work do the same, incredibly ignorant and rude, especially since Afrikaans isnt even their first language, they're deliberately being sneaky.

As for talking Irish, well I think it would just be awkward and embarrassing, can hardly strings two words of it together myself, think most people are the same.

_AVALANCHE_

Call each other colleagues

stoneill

Always posting "Please Help with Me" hoping to make a few bob - the féckers.

OneArt

My boss is always at me to "increase my production rate". Drives me spare.

I've been having a few arguments with him recently.

I'm self employed so they are very strange conversations.

NothingMan

One guy, at random intervals will clap his hands and say "Get it done everyone" or some random phrase. I'm only a temp but he's only been here a month and I already think the other full time guy wants to kill him. 2 more weeks.

dave3004

Cieszę się z 9 zegarem o aż 5 zegarem o w biurze

firedancer

money grabbing selfish work 'colleagues' who will sit there doing absolutely zero just to get a tenner an hour and make sure any work that is to be done is left to everyone else, even worse are the 'company man' or 'company woman' the ones who have no character left of their own, they're so long working in a factory environment, they can't think for themselves anymore...sort of institutionalised

firedancer

dave3004 wrote: »

Cieszę się z 9 zegarem o aż 5 zegarem o w biurze

oldyouth

Colleagues who just accept unreasonable changes to their terms of employment imposed by managers who know they have broken them. You make it impossible for the rest of us who have a little bit of our spine left

padd b1975

Mickey H wrote: »

This is even worse when they're looking at you while talking in their native language. You're always wondering if they're talking about you. They could be, but who are you to know.

Solution: Talk Irish to your Irish colleagues.

.....because every Irish person is fluent in their native language.

merengueca

Slightly different slant, from the managers perspective (ooh get me!!)

1. The Grass Sneaky little d**ks who delight in telling me what naughty things everyone else is upto... I don't care, if I catch them I'll deal with it, if I don't catch them fair do's to them, as long as they are doing their job and not putting anyone in danger what do I care..
2. The Stress/Depression excuse Not genuine stress or depression, this is people who claim stress or depression at highly convienant times... got one guy off at the moment for 5 months with mild anxiety. Amazingly the day before he went off I started an audit on his section and found some major issues.
3. The suck ass The minute I walk in racing to make me a cup of tea, not offering to get on for the other 10 people in the office. Nob.

The main thing for me though is when they talk, I work in North London... that accent:eek::mad:

Teyla Emmagan

The ones who spend all day chatting on the phone to their mothers/friends/'hubbies'. Would you please STFU, that is your seventh personal phone call today and you are interrupting the VERY IMPORTANT work I am doing. This window is not going to stare out itself.

Teyla Emmagan

merengueca wrote: »

1. The suck ass The minute I walk in racing to make me a cup of tea, not offering to get on for the other 10 people in the office. Nob.

People offer to make you tea?! Man, I am even further down the corporate ladder than I thought .

haminka

There's this joke when a guy comes to his GP and complains :
Doctor, my whole body is itching.
Now, try taking a shower.
Several weeks later :
So, how do you feel now?
Well, the shower helped but two weeks later it started again.

That could have been a colleague of mine. And he also has this disgusting habit of reaching into his crotch, adjusting himself and then smelling his fingers.
He's the reason why I keep my hair longer so that I can cover my peripheral vision. Unfortunately, I don't feel like having a head-cold all the time to keep the smell away.

Radharc na Sleibhte

haminka wrote: »

he also has this disgusting habit of reaching into his crotch, adjusting himself and then smelling his fingers.

Anyone want the end of my breakfast?

Old Tom

This guy who's always angry. Get's mad about absolutely everything, sighs, bangs his fists against the desk and also always manifests his anger by marching out for a smoke. He thinks the entire office is there for him and has to work the way he finds best. Annoying, grumpy lad.

a fat guy

Those who chew audibly.

I HATE that...

someuser905

those who slurp their drink, clear their throat and sniff constantly

filmbuffboy

Once had a manager who used to give out to us for eating in the kitchen or behind work counters, but then the very next day (or even sometimes a few hours later) he would be doing the same thing.

orchidsrpretty

Mine do too much work. I work nights and when I am sitting on my arse they are running around pretending that they are really busy even when there is absoultly nothing to do. Makes me look lazy, but I am just no good at looking busy when there is nothing to do.

Katgurl

Oh good lord, where to begin:

My female colleague who spends at a push 10% of her time doing her actual job and the rest either gossiping / eating / doing non-job related work. Stacking the dishwasher, watering the plants, organising birthday cards is all very admirable but we all have to hear about it 24/7, how many times the dishwasher was emptied by her DESPITE the fact it wasnt her turn, who else NEVER empties the dishwasher, how she ALWAYS fills the kettle again because she's considerate, she NEVER takes advantage with company expenses unlike....

The three apes I used to work with who talked about nothign but female measurements, I've never in my life had to listen to such an endless stream of nonsense - "i was with this girl... guess what size she was 12? no... 10... no? 8... no? yeah size 6... seriously... about 5 2", guess what cup size? C? no... etc etc"

A charming ex-manager who sat directly opposite me & used to have some sort of pains in her ears so to combat this every half hour or so would open her mouth wide and sit frozen like that for about 60 seconds exposing what she had for breakfast that morning. Absolutely disgusting.

Oh there are too many to go into but relentless conversations about weight / who scored who / what somebody ate for dinner last night / period frequency pains etc / pointless gossip about other ex-colleagues drive me b0nkers. Just do your f**King job and shut up.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Katgurl wrote: »

Just do your f**King job and shut up.

Excellent line and well constructed. You should print this and stick it up on the wall.

I have a colleague who has a habit of leaning right over into my dinner and having a sniff to see what it is. Every time he does this I intentionally make a 'WTF?!' kind of face but he hasn't copped on yet. He also frequently sprays himself with deodorant at his desk. The guy beside him always protests at this but he does it anyway.

He's also a bit of a work climber so any time myself and the manager are having a conversation he usually interrupts us with some scathing insight into the topic at hand or something humorous and witty. Anytime the manager talks to me I can see him across the desk with his ears pricked up like a little dog just waiting to jump in.

Myself and another colleague have determined that he suffers from IID - 'Impulsive Interruption Disorder'.

firedancer

a fat guy wrote: »

Those who chew audibly.

I HATE that...[/QUOTE

one of the guys at work when we're in canteen (small one) for lunch so we all have to share the same table, he actually takes a bite before he speaks - yuk

Scruffles

am not able to work but at the residential home am living in,all the staff seem to be a mix of every collegue mentioned in this thread.
they are constantly fighting and slagging each other off behind their backs,one got in quite a bit of trouble with the managers as it ended up becoming bullying to a young inexperienced but lovely staff-turned out because the slagee? [for lack of a better word] is from a country whose culture is harsher than ours,she didnt realise what she was doing was bullying; she is actualy one of the nicest staff have known there.

for some reason, am always the one they come to,to roll off any pent up pissedoffness about a fellow staff.
we have the type of staff who talk around us residents in their native language to, even though there are rules against it at our place.

the worst staff we ever had was a guy who had originaly known through being supported by the national autistic society and he got the job at mine because he knew several of us,however he was an utter dick; he had no clue about how complex and wide the severe & profound scales of autism are,his descriptions of profoundly autistic people were disgusting and completely untrue to the people he was describing,and his idea of behavioral management when a resident was attacking to get their own way-was to hand em a bag of crisps-which made him and other staff become a target of deep skin injuries,several of our quieter staff left because of it.

we have had a lot of dickhead staff,but they tend to get sacked quick enough,we had a dickhead manager-the sort who still get very bad flash backs from; from things he has done and said.
he eventualy got sacked this year and cant work in care again,he was the power of attorney of mine,and somehow had let money of mine go missing plus avoid paying off the care charges for over a year-took a few months to get rid of him as they had to find paper evidence against him,even though they shoud have dropped the charge because had not had any control over it-social services wanted it all back in one go which isnt possible if are in this borough and in residential,was totaly money-less for months paying this off,by law we only get twenty five pound per week in residential and all that goes on medical and other essential needs.

i71jskz5xu42pb

My job is so f**king unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breath.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big dog to work. Every day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple trips to McDonalds and Burger King, every single day.

Anyway, I drive these fúcktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shít.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Louise Zealous Marquee wrote: »

I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

I actually know a girl like this. She's lesbian yet she still likes a big tool in her box. Go figure.

shancoduff

Louise Zealous Marquee wrote: »

My job is so f**king unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breath.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big dog to work. Every day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple trips to McDonalds and Burger King, every single day.

Anyway, I drive these fúcktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shít.

Haha, well played :pac:

LH Pathe

was this.. awful, excuse for a yunfella who'd warble anything and everything that came on the radio. His radio. His, top 20 hourly rotation station.. that's anything popular enough; bless 'im sure it made his little heart sing too. all part of the rehabilitation process for a scanger with a gear habit and boyband delusions