37 y/o male single - getting worried

LegacyUser

Hi,
Recently turned 37 and as title says I'm single and its starting to bother me.
To be honest, I have spent the last 15 years + being on the p*ss at the weekend and leading a party lifestyle. However more and more over the last couple of years its been dawning on me that I don't want this lifestyle anymore and to be honest over the last 6 months I've been sitting in more and more at weekends (on my own). I am sick of going out on a bender the whole time.
Maybe I'm just moaning or being unimaginative, but I really feel my chances of meeting anyone now are very limited.
As you can imagine most of my mates are married now with kids etc. When they manage to go out all they want to go down the local which consists of a bar full of men watching horse racing etc. Very little potential there for me. As I write two of my mates are in the pub and have been all day. It doesn't appeal as it just ends up in the same routine everytime i.e. walking home at 1pm with a bag of chips etc. I feel I'm in a Catch 22 situation, I dont want to go out on the p*ss all day spend loads of money and act like a d*ck. However if sit in I've no chance of meeting anyone etc.
I do have a decent life, good job, house, health and close family. I am busy during the week working and going to the gym. I know there are plenty worse off than me.
I have mostly been single up to now and I suppose I have got on fine. There have been plenty of one night stands along the way. However now I need something more and someone to share things with etc. I just don't really know how to go about it. I want to get off the cyle of drunken weekends in clubs in pubs. Plus I have had a look at dating websites and they dont really appeal.
I would appreciate any advice you can offer.

girl2

Hello OP

Why don't you give the online dating a go? It's worth a try. I know a few people who have tried this and at least you'll get a few dates out of it and maybe you'll meet some new friends.

fallen01angel

Hi OP,could have written your exact post from a female point of view.Yes,I totally agree it's hard to meet someone in the pub/club at the mid 30's.As mentioned in a previous post there is a huge on line dating network out there,I can't advice from personal experience but some of my friends have tried it with various results, but apparently if you're going to go down that road,it's best to use one of the fee paying sites!!

I am a friend

How about going to places like salsa lessons or anyplace there are a lot of women typically.

ElleEm

OP, you need to just STOP going to the pub with your mates. You won't get out of your rut until you do.

If you are interested in sports, learning a language, taking up a class of some sort, join a club and try to meet people there.

If you become friendlier in your every day life you could open up your world to others. You go to the gym, so maybe start small talk with women you like there. Build up your confidence, like.

I also know a few lads who have started unisex bootcamp things, where the number of women are higher than that of men. It would be a good place to meet women who like to keep fit, like you.

zxcvbnm1

lraFK wrote: »

Hi,
Recently turned 37 and as title says I'm single and its starting to bother me.
To be honest, I have spent the last 15 years + being on the p*ss at the weekend and leading a party lifestyle. However more and more over the last couple of years its been dawning on me that I don't want this lifestyle anymore and to be honest over the last 6 months I've been sitting in more and more at weekends (on my own). I am sick of going out on a bender the whole time.
Maybe I'm just moaning or being unimaginative, but I really feel my chances of meeting anyone now are very limited.
As you can imagine most of my mates are married now with kids etc. When they manage to go out all they want to go down the local which consists of a bar full of men watching horse racing etc. Very little potential there for me. As I write two of my mates are in the pub and have been all day. It doesn't appeal as it just ends up in the same routine everytime i.e. walking home at 1pm with a bag of chips etc. I feel I'm in a Catch 22 situation, I dont want to go out on the p*ss all day spend loads of money and act like a d*ck. However if sit in I've no chance of meeting anyone etc.
I do have a decent life, good job, house, health and close family. I am busy during the week working and going to the gym. I know there are plenty worse off than me.
I have mostly been single up to now and I suppose I have got on fine. There have been plenty of one night stands along the way. However now I need something more and someone to share things with etc. I just don't really know how to go about it. I want to get off the cyle of drunken weekends in clubs in pubs. Plus I have had a look at dating websites and they dont really appeal.
I would appreciate any advice you can offer.

OP - im in the exact same boat as you. I'm 36. although unfortunately without the one night stands !
Try speeddating. Ive done it a goid dew times and I got a good few dates out of it.
Also - try eharmony. It's actually good the way they do it. They drip feed you 4 or 5 a day - so you're forced into giving everyone that bit more attention. They have an spp gor ykur ohone alao. So it's not like you're looking at thousands in one go. I've had a few dates from that too.
Nothing has come if any of these dates for me of course.
But you've gotta get the dates first I suppose so its a stepping stone.

What was wrong with these one night stands by the way? Maybe you should give them more if a chance also.

mtjm

I'm 37 too and single, at the moment I feel not in a rush to meet anyone I've had relationships with women some lasting from few months to couple years but I don't want to settle down just yet, I do believe I'll meet someone some day

LegacyUser

Hi Op here,
Thanks for the responses.
Maybe I will give the online dating a shot. Bit worried about posting photos though.

Also I have previously thought about volunteering. I'll look in to that too.
But to be honest, I think it will difficult to interact socially without booze - been using it as a scoial lubricant for 19 years. Although I work all day with people and interact in the gym etc so should be no problem with a bit of practice I hope.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I understand where you are coming from. The pub scene is hard place to meet anyone. All my friends are loved up aswell. My exposure to meeting new people can be limited.
Maybe try joining a group or is there any social scene at the gym. I do all these things for myself and if something comes along happy days. Just got to kepp trying I suppose. I'm unsure of dating sites. I dont fancy putting photos up. I'm weary of not knowing who you are talking too on the sites. Face to face contact you can determine alot. Sure you never know until you try eh!!

Goodluck with it hope it works out.

LegacyUser

I've joined a couple of dating sites, free ones, as the thought of paying to meeting someone doesn't sit right with me! But maybe I need to take the advice above and pay for a decent dating site...(can anyone recommend besides eharmony?) .

Anyways, I recently forced myself to do more than just join and exchange a msg and stop. I had my first date during the week!!! Very proud of myself for making it happen. But, it was a DISASTER! LOL ...Did I learn from it?? I most certainly did. I learned that I need to form some sort of chemistry and have much more conversation before meeting to have a better feel if you have things in common. I just dived it with this one and I was gobsmacked. He looked nothing like the photo. I could elaborate but I don't want to be mean, as soon as he said hello I thought "oh f....k"... it was a very quick drink! But I'm glad I learned something from it:)
I look back now and laugh and I'm ready to do it again, one down, 39 to go )
Good luck, who knows we could be arranging to meet eachother on one of the dating sites lol See you soon ;o) I've the giggles here

Ickle Magoo

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Annabananna

Hey i am a 29yr old female happily married to an 39yr male and guess what we met on meeting point an online dating site but our cover story is we met at an confernece we both in sam eline of work. Anyways i am a country gal who had moved to dublin had a few relationships before hubbie but i was getting sick of going out with couples as at 25 all my friends were almost married so i saw an ad fro teh dating site and said sure i give it a go for a laugh for the first week i have interesting exchanges thenone evening i did a search and found my now hubbie he says that when he saw my age he thought i was just having a laugh or havent noticed his age but i wanted an mature man so we emailedfor a while then exchanged numbers and about a month after the first message we met and had lunch but we got on so well we went for a walk then dinner we ended teh lunch date at 1am we dated for 5mths then we learned we were with child to say i panicked is an understatment i remember ringing him to ask him to meet me for a drink as it was tuesday night and we werent due to meet up he asked whats wrong i cant remember what i said but he knew something was up and appeared at my house a while later i told him and he was delighted i thought he be like off to uk with you we havent had that talk yet you see anyways four years on to that date we are married with a 3 yr old and 2 yrs old . My reason for posting our story is that everyone has there own views on internet dating and think there is only freaks on it but i can tell you myself and my husband are both professionals with good wages and just had got sick of the drinking scene was hubbie was exact same as you when he joined. hope our story will help you join the internet dating and all the luck in the future

miec

Hi Op

I am in a similar situation like yourself - that is most friends are married and my weekends are mostly spent staying in. I tried online dating but for me it was a very frustrating experience, huge amount of effort for either no-show mails / dates or little or no chemistry. I am involved in a few activities but these are mostly populated by women so I would really suggest you join something like that as the male to female ratio is in your favour and you get to know the person in real life. Some of the really fun stuff I have done in the past has been acting classes and writing. That may not be your scene but if you check out Meetup clubs in dublin there should be something that you will like. I am considering on doing some dance classes next. Mind you I think though most of these things go on during the week and like you my week days are busy, it is the weekends that are quiet and often lonely.

rbag

Try some sort of new activity or maybe give online dating or something a shot.



I'm in the same boat but female. In fact it's one of the things prompting me to emigrate later this year.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation as the OP. I'm 35, male and single and while I still feel young, my age is sticking in my head a lot. Most of my mates are married and/or have children so they don't tend to go out too much, although even when I do go out, I never meet anyone anyway. The exception to that was a few weeks ago when I did meet a girl who I fancied like mad who kind of took my breath away so to speak and who is single, but as usual, she wasn't even remotely interested.

I'm in a sports club that has a reasonable amount of women but I haven't been back to it for a year or so. I'm trying to get fitter before I go back as I was pretty much the most unfit person there before.

I've tried internet dating and had limited success. Sometimes it's just a date or two, then like last year I met a girl I ended up seeing for about 2 1/2 months and that's my longest relationship to date which is a bit embarrassing. Sometimes I get bored with it and I end up chatting to girls but they sometimes don't interest me that much so quite often I've got numbers but never actually meet up with them.

I also have not had the one night stands either which in a way makes me feel a bit worse as I think it would be nice to at least have something like that to show for the lack of relationships. But at the same time I'm not sure I could just hop into bed with a total stranger and never see them again.

Anyway OP, just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one. Hopefully everyone who's looking for a partner will find a suitable one soon.

The Corinthian

lraFK wrote: »

Recently turned 37 and as title says I'm single and its starting to bother me.

I wouldn't worry about it. To begin with when people begin to worry about 'dying alone' that's when they end up rushing into relationships that end up disastrous in the long run.

Secondly, if having a family is a big issue, as a man you may not live as long as a woman, but one of the advantages is that there will never be a shortage of twentysomethings with an Electra complex in the World. Depending on your personality, looks and (I'm sorry to say) wealth, you will be able to form relationships with younger women for many years to come.

If children are not an issue, you may settle down with someone, your own age or even older, next year or in twenty years - there's no rush.

Third of all, if you end up with someone earlier or later in life there are no guarantees. There are lots of single men in their thirties, forties and older, not because they didn't find someone, but because they did and it didn't work out.

The main thing is to take a deep breath and not worry about it.

PerrDub

It sounds like you are being a bit sorry for yourself OP and certainly lacking confidence..

A bit of growing up when it comes to relationships and women is what's needed here. Spending a lot of your social time out boozing is grand when your a student or in your 20's, but people wake up and realise they have to change there lives and there is more to life than partying. Your mates have already realised this a long time ago and are now settled family men.

As people have suggested here, get involved in sporting and social activities of which there are many. Change your life, you already have the bases covered, job/house/car so there is nothing stopping you from going out and meeting someone for a proper relationship other than yourself.

paulap

if you go down the online dating angle just be carefull alot of bad people out there
and of course good!

mood

The Corinthian wrote: »

I wouldn't worry about it. To begin with when people begin to worry about 'dying alone' that's when they end up rushing into relationships that end up disastrous in the long run.

Secondly, if having a family is a big issue, as a man you may not live as long as a woman, but one of the advantages is that there will never be a shortage of twentysomethings with an Electra complex in the World. Depending on your personality, looks and (I'm sorry to say) wealth, you will be able to form relationships with younger women for many years to come.

If children are not an issue, you may settle down with someone, your own age or even older, next year or in twenty years - there's no rush.

Third of all, if you end up with someone earlier or later in life there are no guarantees. There are lots of single men in their thirties, forties and older, not because they didn't find someone, but because they did and it didn't work out.

The main thing is to take a deep breath and not worry about it.

I disagree. Of all the couples I have known over the years only two had an age difference (8 years and 10 years). The vast majority of couples are close in age. Older men never appealed to me. I want someone my own age so some aul fella who will need minding in the near future.

OP join some clubs where you might meet women. Try to think of something that genuinely interests you. You can still meet someone in a pub or club but not if you really drunk. Surely you can go out and not get plastered. Also try internet dating. Why not.

crackers and cheese

The Corinthian wrote: »

Secondly, if having a family is a big issue, as a man you may not live as long as a woman, but one of the advantages is that there will never be a shortage of twentysomethings with an Electra complex in the World. Depending on your personality, looks and (I'm sorry to say) wealth, you will be able to form relationships with younger women for many years to come.

oh dear...this is whats wrong with men
I dont agree with this but i will say it seems that its far easier for a man
to find a relationship when they are in their late 20's/30's + than a woman
I am 28....what is this "electra" complex
You have been having the life for years and your taxi light is only coming on now(reference from SATC)
Whereas many women start thinking and becoming aware of this around their late 20's---my opinion... Are you really looking to settle down? If your mates were single would you continue to be out on the lash without giving settling down a backward glance? If I was a woman that you started dating I would be slightly worried that your heart may not be in it and you were just with me for the sake of it.....
It seems like you have just woke up and are in a slight panic..no need to
be......this is when peole make mistakes and hurt themselves and others by starting a relationship they are not prepared for...

skyfall2012

I am up watching Flubber with my kids because they are sick and nobody can sleep, so are you sure you are ready for this lifestyle? If the answer is yes, (because I would recommend it but it is not for the faint hearted).

Well now you for the first time are open for this new lifestyle, so things aren't going to change over night. You will meet someone, give it a little time. I have had girlfriends who put career first and finally settled down in their late 30s and had kids in their early forties.

I would like to suggest hill walking as a healthy and great way to meet new people. Lots of clubs around the country. You don't even have to be part of a club you can just join them for a walk and pay a small fee for insurance, so no big commitment. My sister went to Scotland with her hill walking club this Sep they had a great time.

neveah

I am 30 and single too and have been for the last few years so I always find these types of threads interesting as there seems to be a lot of people with the same problem. Unfortunately there's no real concrete advice that will fix it all for you but I would say keep positive, you never know who will walk into your life and when. Keep all your options open.....so you haven't met anyone in a pub or club yet, that's not to say you won't in the future. Put yourself out there, accept that there will be rejection but don't let it bring you down or hamper your efforts. Give online dating a try but don't expect miracles from it either, It's one of many avenues to explore. If you are worried about putting up pictures then don't, you can always exchange these privately with someone that you are interested in. And anyway if someone sees your picture on a dating site so what, they are there for the same reasons as you!

Be careful about using drink as a crutch, while you may think it's a lubricant and helping you, it actually could be having the complete opposite effect. Your efforts may be in vain if girls think you are making a drunken pass at them.

Just be yourself and be genuine. There are loads of women in their 30's who are looking for the same thing you are so I'm sure you will meet one of them. Don't have unrealistic expectations of women either, we are just people too, with flaws and imperfections. Put yourself out there, try new things, keep an open mind about meeting new people, push yourself out of your comfort zone a bit. One thing I can tell you is that you won't meet anyone sitting at home every weekend (that is unless you are on the online dating site )

Best of luck with the search

Ickle Magoo

As the OP posted this thread 7 months ago, I'm going to lock.

Could posters please ensure they check the date of threads and post on current issues only rather than posting due to a particular topic of interest.

Cheers.