Driving self crazy!

LegacyUser

Hi,

Would really appreciate some help and advice with this. Will try and be short and to the point as possible. I was dating a guy for four months. Things moved quite quickly and he seemed to have strong feelings for me. He treated me really well, wasn't perfect by any means but felt secure with him. We had an arguement which actually was the result of a miscommunication but it got slightly blown out of proportion. We talked about it and as far as I was concerned it was sorted. Next thing a few days later he turns around and tell me that its over. Never really gave a reason just that things wouldn't work out.

I was really upset but the thing is that these feelings are getting worse not better as time has gone on. I have to admit that part of me believed that he would realise he made a mistake and come back but I know he is too proud for that. He also moved on very quickly after me and that hurt so bad. Am ashamed to say that it has been 6 months since we broke up and find myself thinking about him constantly.

I have done all the things that you are supposed to do- kept busy, joined things, gone on dates (can't bring myself to even kiss someone) wrote out the reasons we shouldn't be together. I am driving myself crazy with thoughts of him and I know he probably doesn't give me a second thought, moved on and erased me from his life.I don't understand what is going on here. My friends and family presume that I am over him so I never talk about how I am feeling and its such an effort trying to put on a brave face.

Is this normal to be so hung up on someone you had a brief relationship with? Does anyone have any experience of this and moving on. Believe me when I say I have tried everything. I don't want to waste any more time on this. Please help. Everyday I say am not going to think about him today but never works.

Miss Fluff

Aw you poor thing. I was in exactly your position with someone a few years ago and it left me reeling for ages afterwards. Like you it was a very brief involvement of a few months and it was extremely intense and full on (all driven by him might I add) and I was really falling for him too in a big way and then literally out of the blue one day he dumped me from a very great height and I was left wondering what the hell had just happened. I never contacted him again and for that I am glad.

If you know this guy has a new girlfriend and has moved on then you are obviously still in contact with him or can look at his Facebook or have some friends in common perhaps? I think the only way to really and truly detox from someone is to totally extricate them and everything about them where possible from your life so you need to stop snooping or being in contact or whatever it is that is providing you with the information as to what he is up to.

In time you will see that it wasn't right. It took me a while to step out of the fog of having my heart broken (and the out and out shock to be honest) and months later I had a eureka moment and realised it wouldn't have worked after all and that he wasn't the guy for me. It took me a while to get there and I got there through the amazing support from family and friends. I think bottling it all up and pretending you're totally over it now is a mistake. If you want to sink a bottle of wine and go over the whole why why why with a close friend they won't mind. Sometimes talking things through ad nauseum is the only way to start to get over them so if you can I'd talk to one of your closest pals or a sibling about it and tell them how you're feeling.

It will get better with time, trust me. He did you a favour and left the way clear for someone really special

LegacyUser

Thanks for writing this. I'll be reading the responses too because a similiar situation here. I had a brief involvement with someone who kept me in anticipation with an empty promise. Eventually bringing it up - what happened to that and I was given an excuse which lead to a false hope that maybe he was genuine but it was followed up with absolutely nothing.

False hope is an absolute killer which cracks you.

Wishing you well.

fits

Ah yes, happened me a year ago after six months. Everything going really well and was dumped with no warning or explanation. Was absolutely reeling after it and just couldnt get my head around what had just happened but tried to move on as best I could. He reappeared at christmas and behaved very badly which made me extremely angry and I mostly forgot about him after that.

With a lovely bloke now, but it will be a while before I trust him not to do the same thing to me again. And I hate the ex for that.

In the months after, I took myself out of any context where I would be reminded of him and had a bit of a wild fun summer. Things have settled now again but that really helped. Block him on facebook for your own benefit rather than his. So you wont know what he's up to. It does help.

msg11

I think it is normal, except I am on the opposite side of things. I was the dumper, basically things at home where overloading my mind and I wasn't thinking clear didn't see her for the weekend few arguments during the week and a fuse in my head blew and though it was a great idea to dump the girlfriend. Woke up the next morning, realizing what the hell I had just done, my head was 3/4 functioning. Tried to resurrect the situation the next day, no chance. She was having none of my apology , didn't want the stress of a relationship etc..

The situation was beyond repair and I knew it, of all mediums to break up I done it over text, absolute foolish. Anyway a week later, she text me see how things are going, ask could we chat. She said no, this situation was out of my hands, gone into oblivion.

Anyway things at home where not getting any better if even worse than ever and all these thoughts going on in my mind, how could I dump such a great person etc.. I really wound myself up and actually broke my own heart, hardly sleeping at night even when I was out I would be looking to see if she was around or wondering what she was doing.

Fast forward to now, person at home was hospitalized which was why my mind was over loaded. Person is on the mend and my mind is back near 100%. As someone said, just detox cut all contact and realize it's over and if you don't feel like moving on don't. She has moved on, dose not mean I have to it's not a competition. Thankfully my feelings are starting to come back to a normal level and I don't feel as though I am been eating by it anymore.

Then again my situation is different and been honest it's 100% my loss another mans gain. But if you keep thinking about it you'll end up with it eating you up inside. Best thing to do is keep yourself occupied, eat well and well groomed etc.. Don't let it get you down, keep the head high and if your going to think about it think facts, like 'it's over so no point thinking about it'.

Time really is the factor here, it hurts like hell inside but if we keep thinking it over and over it will never leave the mind.

BTW I have been on the receiving end of a dump also and looking back on it, I can't see why I was even bothered about it !

Best of luck OP !

johnr1

OP, This happened to me in 2010, - 8 week intense relationship, then dumped with a bunch of flippant excuses, having been telling me how amazing a boyf I was and planning a holiday three days earlier. Like you, there had been a "discussion" in the meantime about something small she did which I wasn't happy with. No row though.
I was devastated. Having reached 36 and only having been dumped once when young, it left me in bits. I had always been the one being chased, and the one to call time when I wasnt feeling it.
I remember calling my buddy and not being able to speak above a whisper on the phone. I couldnt eat for days.
Thankfully I was on boards, so although I didn't post about it, I read many threads and knew what to do: Break all contact, Excercise your body so you can sleep at night, dont go mad on the alcohol, do stuff with your friends, talk to someone, but not everyone.
It took over six months to recover, and I believe it affected my next relationship, as my self confidence, which had always been high, was shot to bits, and left me wide open to an emotional abuser which it took me months to see, whereas old me wouldnt have put up with that crap for 10 minutes.

Anyway, I DID get over her eventually, and if that hadnt happened to me then, I wouldn't have met the amazing woman I'm with now, who I've no doubt I'll spend the rest of my life with, and who feels exactly the same about me. How we both feel dwarfs all other relationships either of us has had, and I've had plenty, including a failed marriage in the past.

Looking back, - I was unhappy at the time, and over invested in someone who didn't feel the same, we were well enough suited, but in the end, if one or other isn't feeling the same, then it's doomed anyway.

Hope reading some of this helps. Eat, walk or run, cut all contact, keep your best friend around. Good luck.