Is this relationship doomed from the start?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I've been with my boyfriend since November last year and while in some ways it's been fantastic - he's incredibly good to me, we get along really well, rarely argue and like alot of the same things, also the sex is amazing. However, there are two pretty big barriers to the relationship and I'm just wondering if I'm only fooling myself that we can get past these - should I cut and run before I waste any more of my time?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions here, my friends aren't very helpful because they can see how happy he makes me and I know, even if they're thinking it, will never tell me to end things. So please don't pull any punches.
So the two big issues are as follows:

1. He's just out of a serious, long-term relationship. About 6 weeks before he asked me out, he and his girlfriend (who he'd lived with, and been with for 5 years) broke up. It wasn't like an over-for-a-long-time-before-they-broke-up type thing either, from what I can tell he didn't see it coming at all. I knew this from the beginning and he knows I have massive concerns about being a rebound or a substitute for his ex. I've spoken to him about it and he just says that it isn't the case at all, if he just wanted a new girlfriend there'd be much easier ways of doing it (this is going to be my next point!). I do think that there genuinely is a spark between us, I've known him for almost two years and we've always gotten on really well, I've been on the receiving end of men on the rebound before and I think I can tell the difference between something that actually works and something that's being forced. But at the same time, there's no way some-one just out of that long a relationship can be ready for a new one :-(

2. We live a 2-hour flight away from each other. I moved to another country in January of this year so we only had like 6 weeks of proper dating before I moved. I think this is partly the reason he didn't wait very long after being out of his previous relationship before asking me out - there wasn't much time left! This actually isn't as bad as it sounds as I'm home once a month for work so I'm around usually the Thursday night until the Monday so I stay with him and he's been over to visit a few times. So we see each other once every 2/3 weeks. It just adds a bit more strain to the relationship.

So yeah, I guess I just want to know other people's opinions - are we doomed to fail?
On one hand I think that I'm kidding myself if I think I can make it work but it's so hard to just let go. I like him an awful lot and I know he likes me aswell, he puts in a lot of effort (as do I) and like I said is incredibly good to me, very considerate etc. I find it pretty hard to find men who I really like (I'm kind of picky!) so it seems a shame to give up on him when it's going so well? And advice very very very welcome!

@rti-shm@rti

You're in a relationship that's working at the moment right? It's not like you are going through a bad patch or anything? What exactly do you want to hear? Only you can know how YOU feel about HIM. From what I can see it just sounds like you are unnecessarily trying to find problems with an otherwise healthy relationship.

The rebound thing is always a worry but again, sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. If it didn't work I think you wouldn't have lasted this long.

In some ways the fact you live in different countries could benefit you. If it was definitely a rebound situation, he probably wouldn't stay with someone that does live a 2-hour flight away. Just see how it goes, OP.

Lolajay

Hey OP

God, you sound a little bit like me - over analysing stuff

My best friends little sister just got engaged to a guy she has been with for 2 years. When they got together he was just out of a 5 year relationship and she too worried if it was a rebound thing.

Rebounds do happen, but not every situation that fits the criteria is a rebound. Sometimes someone who is just out of a LT relationship is just very used to living life with another person and they immediately seek out someone else to fill his role and generally it doesn't work out because they are not compatible and you can't just replace someone.

Other times LT relationships break up because it's just not working - there can be a lot of love - and it's still broken - even if things seem to be going well......sometimes it's a relief to get out of a situation like that and you don't fully realise it until it's over.

He makes you happy and you seem to care about him, i would use your second problem as a bit of a confidence booster to your first (if that makes sense). If your bf wanted to rebound and just replace his live-in girlfriend with someone else - he wouldn't want someone so far away.

Go with it, don't overthink it (wish I could take my own advice) and just enjoy each moment - especially if he makes you happy.

Good luck

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

In some ways the fact you live in different countries could benefit you. If it was definitely a rebound situation, he probably wouldn't stay with someone that does live a 2-hour flight away. Just see how it goes, OP.

I dont agree with this. Its easier to not commit when its so distant and when you only see the person so often. Its the comfort of a relationship but not too close.

OP is there an end date in mind for the long distance? Otherwise, there is probably no point imho.