Can't do anything right

surdah

I have had no luck with proper relationships lately but started a FWB relationship lately thinking surely with the simplicity of just a physical relationship with no feelings, I couldn't possible f*** that up but even with this he is not available when I want witih all sorts of excuses about being sick to his mother staying over. I am the idiot who is always available when he is in the mood but he is not. All I want is to meet a nice guy who likes me just for me. I have texted him tonight saying its over but how do I find the strength to stick to that and not give in to my base instincts.

blatantrereg

Disregard your desire to be with him in favour of your need to feel you're being treated with courtesy. Take ownership of yourself.

holyhead

While I can understand the male desire for FWB I cant figure out what it holds for the female. After all the female could become pregnant! Respect yourself and try to build a proper relationship where feelings are involved with a nice guy. Don't sell yourself short by becoming some guys f*ck buddy. You have dreams, aspirations and desires like any other girl. Get to know guys through hobbies, interests and other avenues where the chance of getting to know the guy is a possibility. Look to make friends and see what follows. Best of luck.

surdah

Thanks for the replies I really do need to respect myself and demand respect from men. I do have so much more to give[/S]

Elmidena

Hey OP,
I've been there but you need a time out from the scene and learn to love yourself first. FWB only works if both parties are ok with it, but it sounds to me like you're trying to validate yourself with it, and trust me love, you're worth more than that xxx

Procrastastudy

FWB only works if you are emotionally secure - either though an open loving relationship or happy with being single. If you aren't happy and want more - that become apparent to your FWB very quickly. If he has any emotional morals he'll call it off quickly and honestly. Sounds like he's being a bit of a coward / doesn't want to lose his FWB but knows you want it to go further than he does. Either that or his current GF doesn't know!

There is someone out there for everyone. Try online dating - its always been a numbers game - the more people you meet and get to know the more likely you happen across "the one".

Women obviously like the whole FWB situations otherwise they wouldn't exist. Some mightn't be ready for the commitment a relationship entails, or the possibility of sleeping with random strangers on a night out, but still want to have their fun. Though these can get messy, like in your case. Have you grown attached to him, OP?

blatantrereg

FWB thing is nothing to feel bad about, regardless of your gender. It suits/doesn't suit people of both genders.

A failure to show courtesy in a partner is a separate matter altogether. You can have an honest and courteous FWB. You can be in a serious relationship with an ass.

Dont feel like people won't treat you properly unless there is commitment/emotional involvement. Dont think that people will necessarily treat you better just because of commitment/emotional involvement. Do require and expect it of people to treat you with courtesy if they are to be involved with you in any manner.

curlzy

Having FWB encounters doesn't show one way or the other whether you have respect for yourself. It's absolute sexist bull**** to say that guys are ok to do it but not women!!! :mad:

Personally, I'm not cut out for it, I'm 30 and I've only ever slept with 2 guys. That's because, for me, I need to have very strong feelings for someone to sleep with them. However, I have a friend that sees sex as a sport and will sleep with any guy if she finds him attractive. Neither of us is right and neither of us is wrong, we're different, that's all. I also have male friends that won't have sex outside of a serious relationship and male friends that will sleep with anything with a pulse. Again this isn't anything to do with having respect for yourself. That kind of pigeonholing people based on gender is a load of ****. Everyone is different.

However, in my opinion, there is one thing that shows not having respect for yourself and I think everyone will agree here and it's this: Allowing yourself to be used for something you're not enjoying, or continuing with something even though it makes you unhappy, THAT is disrespecting yourself.

OP, don't hide behind your gender, you need to be adult enough to own your decisions. Saying "Thanks for the replies I really do need to respect myself and demand respect from men. I do have so much more to give" is a bit of a cop out. Just because that guy is a lame FWB friend and a selfish lover doesn't mean he doesn't respect you, nor does it mean you need to demand respect, nor does it mean you've done anything wrong. It just means that he's a selfish lover that doesn't care about your needs. Therefore drop him as a FWB friend.

I suppose what I'm saying here is dont get confused and feel like you've done something wrong. Maybe FWB isn't for you, but then again maybe it is, but with a partner that is more ready to provide you with the type of sex you want when you want it.

Remember this isn't anything to do with gender, this has to do with you understanding what you want and getting it. It could be that you're like me and only want sex in a relationship or you could be like my friend that loves it like a sport and you just haven't found the right FWB partner yet.

Best of luck.

This whole being used issue though.. I think for a FWB situation to work, it should be understood from the very beginning that that's all it could be. Otherwise FWBs just won't work. By that I mean that it should be made clear that both parties are using each other for sex. Yes, that might come across as bad but for some people, in certain circumstances, then it is ideal.