Friend advice needed ?

LegacyUser

Would appreciate some advice with this.....



I'm 23, and I've recently come out of a long term relationship. When I was in the relationship I had friends, but would only go on a night out (pub,club) occasionally. Most of my weekends we're spent with him..

My close Friends 3 of them, are all in serious relationships so it suited all of us only going out every now and again.

There's the other girls that we would go out with but I wouldn't be close to any of them, I wouldn't really text or call them often, would see them when we we're all out which wasn't often. I'm in a job with people a lot older then me and that don't socialize often so they are out of the question.

Since coming out of the relationship I've been trying to get my social life back on track as I don't feel like sitting in each weekend on my own. I don't mind sitting in on my own and taking it easy, but not every weekend - I'm young and feel like I've missed a lot of my youth - So I would like to go out (pub,club,cinema, etc) with friends each weekend if not every second weekend.

My friends in their serious relationship don't have much time for me, which is understandable as I don't expect them all to change there life just cause mine has.

So I have tried to start make an effort with my "not so close" friends - thing is , I feel like I'm always the one who has to ring or text them each weekend.
I feel left out in some things , like they don't include me , and sometimes just ignore my texts - I get extremely annoyed, angry and upset when I see they have been out I wasn't there..
I know they are probably not doing it on purpose cause they seem nice enough and don't seem to have a problem with me when I am out with them.
I don't want to say anything to them or have to be the one always texting them cause I feel like I will come across needy...
At the end of the day it's pretty clear that I'm only making an effort with them as I'm not in a relationship anymore.. Which is a regretful fault of my own.

Any advice in what I should do in this situation or anyone been in this situation before ?

Daisy M

It is understandable that they dont automatically include you in their invites if you have only recently started to become more friendly with them. I think it is a bot demanding of you to expect to be automatically included now you are single. You need to remember they have probably formed a strong friendship over the years and you are more or less new on the scene.

Are they a nice bunch of girls as ignoring texts isnt very polite is it? Do you actually like them much could you see your self growing close to them? Maybe next time rather than texting give them a call and if a number of them dont answer/return your calls it maybe a case that they are not too interested.

Torakx

I often find personally that because i am always trying to keep people at a bit of a distance incase they latch on,it can sometimes cause them to want to latch on.

It might be something to do with people shying away from overly needy people and wondering with me "why isnt he giving me attention?".
Im not sure what else it could be,but the pattern is definetly there.

I think appearing nonchalant or just chilled out and not overly excited about being there has had this effect.
Maybe not for everyone though.Some people may find me too dis interested and just not bother with me.
Dont know if that opens up any other solutions for you.

But hey..plenty more friends to be had elsewhere.

chocolatrose

Hi OP,

I can't say that I have been through the exact same circumstances as you in relation to this matter but I have been and am I suppose in a similar situation with regards to friends that have drifted.

I too drifted apart from once very close friends albeit through different circumstances. These once close friends are now "not so close" friends.

People drift apart for various reasons and you have to come to accept this, as hard as it may be. I know it can be very annoying and eat you up inside a bit when you try to make an effort to be friendly and for it not always to be returned. Unfortunately with the passing of time, people change and people's path's in life change. There is nothing you can do about it but accept it if they are not willing to make the effort to involve you on night's out.

When you disappear out of the picture for awhile so to speak, even close friends go on to develop different social circles without you so it can be quite difficult to find common ground again. You can only do your best. If that is not good enough, your best bet is to try and meet new people by getting involved in new activities, clubs, societies, or even night courses. You may end up meeting new people to socialise with on nights out through these options.

Remind yourself you are lucky to still have your close friends in the picture even if these friendships don't result in night's out.

Unfortunately, through no fault of your own, these girls probably have copped that your sudden surge in interest to go out with them at the weekends is down to the fact that you are now out of a relationship. They probably also know that your other closer friends are not as available to go out too and so that is why you are choosing to hang out with them. Some girls can be immature like this. That's all I would see it as.