Leaving my fiancee

LegacyUser

Ok I am deregistering for this. However I would like to hear peoples feelings on this issue. To cut a long story short I want to break up with my fiancee (3rd time now) but fear I will keep going back to her. She is a great girl and has been very helpful but once every while she does something really idiotic. ie walking out of the cinema after someone says that it their seat or after after a holiday in Portugal not being in contact for a month and then advising that it was my fault that she had not been in contact for no apparant reason. She also does not drink and is constantly at me when I want to enjoy a glass of wine or a pint.

Basically I got to know this girl in Sept 09. She is a good looking girl and my dad says that says that she is good at charming and ensuring that I come back form more. We got engaged in February but this weekend was the last straw. We went to Berlin for a weekend (which I paid for everything - hotel, food etcm as she said she had no money). I have worked there so I was showing her the sites etc. I brought on a beer bought in the duty free and did not realise (stupidly) I know that you could not drink it on board. Anyway the Ryanair guy took it which insued in a little argument with myself, a fellow passenger and the Ryanair guy. It all calmed down and I apologized but my fiancee walked off the plane and instead of driving me home went home herself! I had to get my dad to drive me back to his house after a long wait at the airport (he was somewhere else at the time).

I have tried to contact her with no success. She is on one of her little silences, but as the old man said she will find no problems at leaving me stranded at the airport (I used my last funds to pay for her cup of tea on the plane and did not bring a card and I though I had enough and spend the rest of it on clothes in Berlin for both of us that morn). She advised on Sun morn that she will pay me back the couple of hundred this Friday but I at least want to get my clothes back from her place and say I want to finish it for good. I feel when I meet her though she will use her charm again and I will be on the rollercoaster again until she has another idiotic moment. How can I end it for good?

sammye333

Arrange to meet her somewhere for a chat and just be HONEST. TRY and not let your emotions get in the way.TRY and not say something you will regret later (easier said than done) when having these chats.

If she refuses to answer your calls,then text her to say you want to have a serious chat about your relationship. If she doesnt answer that, take it that she is ending it??

sammy

_dublinlad_

This girl sounds like an absolute nutter, only one of the things you metioned there would make me want to run for hills... but the berlin story?!! I dont think she deserves another moment of your time as you have rightfully concluded yourself.

Normally I would say if your going to break it off with someone you should do it face to face, however from what you said about her this girl sounds toxic and not worthy of this, escecially if you think she may try to sweet her way back in to being OK again. I think what is at play here is the "halo effect" - this is when one or a number of positive attributes of a person clouds their negitive attributes. Sure shes great looking, but look past that to her obvious faults. You will get a good looking girl again - that will not do crazy stupid things like this girl does.


Write her an email. Cut all contact. Be strong.

davet82

i feel worn out after reading about her... too much work, imagine a lifetime of it and also her looks will fade and you are left with just a nutjob. If you are not sure then stay with her but whatever you do dont marry her! You just dont sound suited imo


Good luck

curlzy

You're going to marry her? Why did you even propose and how old are you? You're either:

a) 16
b) Addicted to drama
c) Addicted to crazy
d) So weak willed that you allow someone you don't even like to worm their way back into your affections.

Also what do you mean when you say "she has been very helpful", helpful with what?

Seriously OP, neither of you come off very well in your post. I suggest you break it off, cut contact and work on being a bit more mature before you enter another relaitonship. She's not a witch, she can't do magic so you only have yourself to blame if you fall for her "charm" again.

I am a friend

curlzy wrote: »

You're going to marry her? Why did you even propose and how old are you? You're either:

a) 16
b) Addicted to drama
c) Addicted to crazy
d) So weak willed that you allow someone you don't even like to worm their way back into your affections.

Also what do you mean when you say "she has been very helpful", helpful with what?

Seriously OP, neither of you come off very well in your post. I suggest you break it off, cut contact and work on being a bit more mature before you enter another relaitonship. She's not a witch, she can't do magic so you only have yourself to blame if you fall for her "charm" again.

Exactly!!! The pair of ye sound wired. You have no one to blame but yourself.

ElleEm

OP, if you know her pattern of "charming" you then you will be more aware when she starts to change her behaviour into trying to get you to stay.

She sounds so immature. I don't know how you lasted three years in a relationship with her, let alone then ask her to marry you. She sounds so dramatic, and that obviously isn't something you appreciate in another person.

Be clear around your intentions to end the relationship when you DO break up with her. Make no room for her to assume this is like the other times when you broke up.
You should also do it in person. It would be out of order to end a relationship any other way. Just arrive at her house if she continues to ignore your calls. If she has some of your belongings you are entitled to get them back.

Susie_Q

OP, man up. You're not happy and you certainly don't want to marry this woman. Break up with her - it's not that hard.

"This isn't working out, I think we should break up. Yes I'm sure. No I don't want to give it another try. Yes I've thought about this. I wish you all the best".

Then LEAVE.

Daisy M

If you really believe you will go back to her if you meet up then dont meet up. Stay away accept the loss of the clothes and money I know its a pain but its a much better option than losing your life and eventually your dignity to someone who manipulates you into getting their own way.

If you think her behaviour is bad now wait until you are married or living together full time and then you will really find out just how bad she is.

Taltos

All - as per our charter keep it civil.
If you have no constructive advice to offer then please do not post - breaches to our charter will result in bans.

Taltos

blatantrereg

It can be hard to break up with someone if you're very attracted to them and they use charm (as you put it) when you try to!

It comes across like you might behave pretty badly while you're drunk. Two sides to every story and all. It sounds like more than a little misunderstanding you had getting onto the plane, if another passenger got involved.

ElleEm

blatantrereg wrote: »

It can be hard to break up with someone if you're very attracted to them and they use charm (as you put it) when you try to!

It comes across like you might behave pretty badly while you're drunk. Two sides to every story and all. It sounds like more than a little misunderstanding you had getting onto the plane, if another passenger got involved.

Where did the OP give this impression?
I have noticed on flights that passengers tend to "get involved" in any sort of dispute that means that they may be delayed getting into their seats (especially as Ryanair have a first come, first served policy). The OP also never stated whether he was under the influence of alcohol at this point. He bought a beer from Duty Free to have on the plane. The arguement insued as the Ryanair guy took it, I would imagine not trusting that the OP would not open it on the plane. I would be p!ssed off if someone took something I had just bought too.

Doing this once wrote: »

Ok I am deregistering for this. However I would like to hear peoples feelings on this issue. To cut a long story short I want to break up with my fiancee (3rd time now) but fear I will keep going back to her. She is a great girl and has been very helpful but once every while she does something really idiotic. ie walking out of the cinema after someone says that it their seat or after after a holiday in Portugal not being in contact for a month and then advising that it was my fault that she had not been in contact for no apparant reason. She also does not drink and is constantly at me when I want to enjoy a glass of wine or a pint.

Basically I got to know this girl in Sept 09. She is a good looking girl and my dad says that says that she is good at charming and ensuring that I come back form more. We got engaged in February but this weekend was the last straw. We went to Berlin for a weekend (which I paid for everything - hotel, food etcm as she said she had no money). I have worked there so I was showing her the sites etc. I brought on a beer bought in the duty free and did not realise (stupidly) I know that you could not drink it on board. Anyway the Ryanair guy took it which insued in a little argument with myself, a fellow passenger and the Ryanair guy. It all calmed down and I apologized but my fiancee walked off the plane and instead of driving me home went home herself! I had to get my dad to drive me back to his house after a long wait at the airport (he was somewhere else at the time).

I have tried to contact her with no success. She is on one of her little silences, but as the old man said she will find no problems at leaving me stranded at the airport (I used my last funds to pay for her cup of tea on the plane and did not bring a card and I though I had enough and spend the rest of it on clothes in Berlin for both of us that morn). She advised on Sun morn that she will pay me back the couple of hundred this Friday but I at least want to get my clothes back from her place and say I want to finish it for good. I feel when I meet her though she will use her charm again and I will be on the rollercoaster again until she has another idiotic moment. How can I end it for good?

blatantrereg

ElleEm wrote: »

Where did the OP give this impression?
I have noticed on flights that passengers tend to "get involved" in any sort of dispute that means that they may be delayed getting into their seats (especially as Ryanair have a first come, first served policy). The OP also never stated whether he was under the influence of alcohol at this point. He bought a beer from Duty Free to have on the plane. The arguement insued as the Ryanair guy took it, I would imagine not trusting that the OP would not open it on the plane. I would be p!ssed off if someone took something I had just bought too.

huh? It's how it comes across to me. I'm suggesting to the OP that he considers her side of things, and his own behaviour. Two sides to every story like I said. Not sure why you're quoting posts back at me - it's advice for the OP and only he is in a position to know whether it's pertinent or not. Very odd of you. This is supposed to be an advice forum not a debate one.

ElleEm

blatantrereg wrote: »

huh? It's how it comes across to me. I'm suggesting to the OP that he considers her side of things, and his own behaviour. Two sides to every story like I said. Not sure why you're quoting posts back at me - it's advice for the OP and only he is in a position to know whether it's pertinent or not. Very odd of you. This is supposed to be an advice forum not a debate one.

I just wonder where you got that he "behaves badly when drunk". It's a pretty unusual assumption to make based on the info the OP gives.

And the advice he is looking for is how to end the relationship for good.

But you're right, this isn't the place for debating.

tinkerbell

Doing this once wrote: »

She is a great girl and has been very helpful

If this is the only "good thing" you have to say about your fiancée then I think your relationship is pretty much dead in the water. Describing your fiancée as "helpful" ermmm .. that's not really one of the top reasons for wanting to spend your life together with someone.

Tbh OP your fiancée sounds like an absolute nutcase - walking out of the cinema (hello mega drama queen), not contacting you for A MONTH after a holiday (seriously WTF?) and then just ditching you at the airport?! OP she does not care about you, this behaviour from her is just ridiculous. She clearly is a complete drama queen.

Why can't you just meet her and tell her it's over? Don't let yourself be stupid enough to get fooled again by her turning into Miss Sweet & Perfect again (temporarily). Just end it, get some confidence and tell her you are sick of her crap and you have had enough, it's over. Then cut all contact and never speak to her again.

What people put up with in a relationship is amazing op do you have any idea what life would be like with someone like her she sounds like a complete head wreck, you haven't mentioned love once and I think that say a lot
good luck what ever you do.

LegacyUser

We split this evening and it was amerible and at least I got my clothes back so I'm happy. Wow when I look at the replies. Sorry I replied. [mod snip] Glad that I went unreg here and everything worked out but what a waste writing that mail in the first place.

Stavro Mueller

Crikey :eek::eek:

Let's just tease this out a bit. You go on to marry this nutjob woman and you say or do something that she doesn't like. Or things don't go her way. Or one of your kids does something wrong. What do you think she's going to do given her penchant for throwing her toys out of the pram and running for the hills? You don't need me to tell you marriage isn't wine and roses. It's how well the pair of you work together when things aren't going swimmingly that you need to think about. You're not together all that long really and so far you've broken up 3 times.

The one thing you absolutely have to do here is cut contact with her. Block her phone number so she can't call or text. Or as a last result, change your phone number. If you need to get things out of her place, get a friend to come along with you. Cut contact. No meeting her or trying to be friends. Delete her from Facebook if you're on there. She's no good and you know it. Don't be afraid either to ask family or friends for help and support.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, what age is she because I recognise the form? She sounds very immature.

Distorted

Doing this once wrote: »

once every while she does something really idiotic. ie walking out of the cinema after someone says that it their seat or after after a holiday in Portugal not being in contact for a month and then advising that it was my fault that she had not been in contact for no apparant reason. She also does not drink and is constantly at me when I want to enjoy a glass of wine or a pint.

I was expecting to read something really bad. What I think you are describing is simply someone who avoids scenes in public. Its hardly the crime of the century on her part. Is this quite a volatile relationship / does your behaviour tend to deteriorate when you drink but are you unaware of this? tbh I found the aeroplane incident a bit of a red flag. Surely everyone knows how easy it is to be arrested for arguing on planes, and therefore you avoid a scene at all costs?

I agree that you should end this relationships. It sounds like thats what she is trying to do, with her silences, and then somehow she caves in and one or the other of you gets back in touch. Its rarely all one-sided. I'm surprised people are labelling this woman a "nutter" for behaviour which sounds more like conflict avoidance.

OP has split and it seems resolved now so closing

OP please PM if you want this reopened for further advice