8 year old with Social Problems

LegacyUser

Hi to all,

Really need advice here -

8yr old - where to start. Well she basically lacks social skills had her at a child physcoligist when she started school to try and help and it did to a point.

She

* needs constant attention
*Give out to her and she shuts down tell her she done homework wrong she shuts down
*Very rough with her sister when she doesnt get her own way and very stubborn
*very quiet(this is ok but dont want the girls in her class to think she doesnt like them)

I have gone through the role play (with dolls) of how to go up to a girl and ask her to play or just say hello

Now supposely she plays away at the break but i find it hard to believe because only this morning i left the yard and peeped round the corner and she standing in the line on her own and other girls running round playing. She says everyone is nice to her and when things go her own way she is quite happy. I have had girls out and they seem to get along well. and she said a prayer at her first confessions and stood up in the class for show and tell but i cant help but worry - she would be a prime target of bullying and i dont know what answers i want here but i need advice how to play this out - i have to tell her every couple of weeks * head up and smile - speak when spoken to(parents say hello and she looks away) someone says hi and she ignores them but when i remind her she does it and its like she forgets or doesnt know how to deal with people at all.

Sorry so long - i how theres someone out there to help me.


I know i am thankfull its nothing more serious and may be minor but i need my kids happy and then im happy - i have a knot in my stomach and it wont leave

thanks in advance

LadyMayBelle

mummyworried wrote: »

Hi to all,

Really need advice here -

8yr old - where to start. Well she basically lacks social skills had her at a child physcoligist when she started school to try and help and it did to a point.

She

* needs constant attention
*Give out to her and she shuts down tell her she done homework wrong she shuts down
*Very rough with her sister when she doesnt get her own way and very stubborn
*very quiet(this is ok but dont want the girls in her class to think she doesnt like them)

I have gone through the role play (with dolls) of how to go up to a girl and ask her to play or just say hello

Now supposely she plays away at the break but i find it hard to believe because only this morning i left the yard and peeped round the corner and she standing in the line on her own and other girls running round playing. She says everyone is nice to her and when things go her own way she is quite happy. I have had girls out and they seem to get along well. and she said a prayer at her first confessions and stood up in the class for show and tell but i cant help but worry - she would be a prime target of bullying and i dont know what answers i want here but i need advice how to play this out - i have to tell her every couple of weeks * head up and smile - speak when spoken to(parents say hello and she looks away) someone says hi and she ignores them but when i remind her she does it and its like she forgets or doesnt know how to deal with people at all.

Sorry so long - i how theres someone out there to help me.


I know i am thankfull its nothing more serious and may be minor but i need my kids happy and then im happy - i have a knot in my stomach and it wont leave

thanks in advance

Have you spoken to her teacher? I think that'd be a good place to start and find out what she is like in school and in the yard; often in the yard, the most unstructured time of the day, can shed light.

Has this behaviour 'just come on' recently or has she always been like this? Can I ask what the Pyschologist recommended and also what she thinks of everything?

Based on what youve said, she wants more attention (what kind is she getting at the moment? Often children who demand attention are needing a positive interaction with Mum or Dad. Think about at the moment, is she getting any one to one time, clearly marked out as fifteen minutes of You and Me time. Is she getting attention when she acts out, or plays up, like when she is rough with her siser?

Think about how the criticism is given to her; is it that she is very sensitive or that she feels like you are 'telling her off' etc..think about tone of voice, how you deliver that message to her..

Being rough with her sister; how old is her sister? Has she seen rough play at home, school, friends house? Children often mimic.. think about setting down some rules and rewards for playing nicely together? Ask her why she feels to play roughly.

Social skills are developed through modelling others (parents etc) so i thinks it's great you are showing her; be careful not to draw too much attention if she doesn't act how perhaps you'd like her too.

There may be a group in school, that can help her socially? There is a good game called Socially Speaking (bit pricey though) which somes schools use. Are there any groups she is in already?

Sorry if this is a jumbled answer, Im happy to clarify and add more:)

byhookorbycrook

She sounds like a strong personality, so I don't think she would be a target for bullying. Instead of asking " can I play"-setting up for a "no " answer, why not get her to say "what are we playing."Is she involved in any activities outside of school?

campo

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

SAhe sounds like a strong personality, so I don't think she would be a target for bullying. Instead of asking " can I play"-setting up for a "no " answer, why not get her to say "what are we playing."Is she involved in any activities outside of school?

My little girl is the same age and acts the very same way and has done for years we were worried for a while when she was younger so we brought her to a child physcoligist , we were just told that she has a strong personallaty and she is her own self, She is the type of girl if a family member said hi to her she would just walk away and she is more then happy to play by herself does not seem bothered in the slightest if no one joins in, I joke with the other half that I can see her when she grows up becoming the president as she is the type if you tried to talk to her about something she be too busy running the world then to talk about a small problem.

unkel

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

Have you spoken to her teacher? I think that'd be a good place to start and find out what she is like in school and in the yard; often in the yard, the most unstructured time of the day, can shed light.

My first thought exactly. @OP - She is 8, so she is in 2nd class right? That's her 4th year in school, you probably had at least one meeting with her teacher every year in all those 4 years? What came out of those meetings?

My eldest is also an 8 year old girl. When she was very young, there were no other kids around to play with and she was shy and also had (still has!) a very strong personality and she's always been the youngest in the class

The meetings we had confirmed what we thought and thankfully she made progress every year and she is fine now

Good teachers are aware of these things and actively build characters. A system one of the teachers had was a "yard buddy" system. When the teacher spotted a quite / lone child from her class in the yard, she would assign one of the more outgoing kids as a buddy to the lone child. This seemed to work quite well

byhookorbycrook

I have come to a bit of a change of mind after 25 years teaching. I used to be obsessed with making the children all play together, but some children are happy in their own company and as adults we need to be aware of that too.If a child is not complaining about being left out/lonely and once they have a few friends,I wouldn't be worried.

LegacyUser

Thanks a mill everyone for all the replies

Have spoken to her teacher and she seems happy with her says she is quiet but thats just her.
She has always been like this its not a sudden thing (coming out of herself a little every year)
Have started rewarding her and her sis(5) for getting along with mummy/daddy time 15min each day and although its only day 2 (thanks LadyMayBelle) its seems to be working a treat at least i dont feel like im always getting on to them.
I try to not to dwell on things i show her and she doesnt do like at karate she wont go up to the girls if i ask her to and i say maybe next week you might try
There is nothing in the school like that but i have phone the liason officer in the school for some advice - hope im going down the right path with that one!!
and byhookorbycrook i dont think its that she wants to be on her own she wants to join in just doesnt know how to now she told me today that she asked the girls to play and they said yes and she played away but i do wonder is she on the sidelines.....anyhow back to the know in my stomach

Thanks again guys