Never Had A Girlfriend

LegacyUser

I don't really know where to start or why to start. Recently this has been getting to me quite a bit. I'm a 27 year old guy, outgoing, good job, friendly, down to earth, however, I have never had a girlfriend, not even gone out with a girl for any length of time. I have gone on a few dates, I have kissed a few girls on nights out and I have had sex (2 drunken one night stands) but I have never had a relationship. People have told me all my life that I will one day meet someone and that I will be happy. However, I have not. I get lonely and upset when I see others in relationships or couples holding hands walking down the street etc. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from an advice point of view. I feel as though I am going through my life and while the other normal things just kind of seemed to fall into place i.e. growing up, moving away from home, going to college, getting a job, the relationship side of my life seems stunted. I know it's not normal for someone my age to never have had a girlfriend but now that I'm at this point I just don't know how to fix it.

SunnyDub1

Have you tried on line dating ?

I know you are prob sick of hearing it but maybe you just haven't met the "one" yet. Theres no rush, your only 27 it's not old. Plenty of years for relationship left.
There are plenty of people in your situation your not the only single person out there.

Put yourself out there more, if you see someone you like weather it be in work, pub etc go for it, take all chances given.

make the most of your single life and enjoy it. It sounds like your putting to much focus on it you should enjoy and appreciate what you already have....

LegacyUser

Hi. Thanks for your reply SunnyDub1. Yea I've tried online dating, went on 3 dates off it but nothing came of it.

It does sound like I am putting too much focus on it, I know, but it's just hard to get away from sometimes, especially if you want to go out or on holidays or just go somewhere and no friends are up for going and you end up doing things by yourself. It's the companionship I'm missing I guess.

gud4u

My aunt married the guy she met on line, it was an agency you had to pay for and it was all over 25s I think. So everyone was looking for the real deal as opposed to some of the free sites.
Give it a go, you have nothing to lose and will gain confidence on a few dates.

snafuk35

Just be yourself.

LegacyUser

When I read your post I just had to answer (first time ever to reply to a thread).
I know this isn't your main "point", but I just wanted to tell you: You're not the odd one out. I am also 27 and never had a bf (I'm a girl). So f*** "normal"!
I believe there is nothing you can do to fix your situation, as there isn't anything that needs to be fixed.
It seems that you are fine with who you are (?!) (which I wasn't for quite some time, so even if on the surface it seemed to everyone (and I kinda believed that too) like I was a "great catch", like you said, outgoing, friendly, etc., I wasn't quite "there" if that makes sense) ,so I only have one explanation why you're not with someone: You simply haven't met the right person yet. You said you are outgoing, so I think the advice "be more open etc" is unnecessary. As for me, I try not to dwell on the fact that I don't have an OH (and never had one) and keep hoping. So my only advice (though I don't know how much advice from a person in the same situaton means to you) is: Enjoy your time anyway!

Torakx

Its possible you also have spent the majority of your time seeking opportunities in the wrong places at the wrong times.
Pubs and clubs might be great for one night stands,but i think terrible for finding a relationship that will last.

Same goes for online dating unless you can avoid the drinking and sex that most tend to end up partaking off too much when things do start to go well.

Are you involved with any clubs?
I was running in the park the other day and it was after working hours like between 8pm and 9pm.
There was a mixed group playing touch rugby for example.And it occurred to me that was a very good way to get to know more people while being in a relaxed no pressure situation.

Im not saying go out and join a mixed sex touch rugby club/group.
But i think putting yourself into the correct situations is half the battle to meeting the right people and especially while they are in the right frame of mind.
Clubs for sports and hobbies seems to me a good way to do this without any added pressure or alcohol.

Ive been single for maybe 2 years now.Im a little lonely but at the same time i would hate to still be stuck in a relationship that i saw was not really going forward.
The grass is greener on the other side my friend.As long as you are truly happy within yourself, you have done a massive jump forward than many people stuck in a relationship.

Im quite shy and not outgoing.If you really are outgoing then you have a better chance than me despite any difference in looks!
Chin up (literally!)

beks101

Not So Eligible Bachelor wrote: »

I know it's not normal for someone my age to never have had a girlfriend but now that I'm at this point I just don't know how to fix it.

I hate that we live in a society that makes a 27 year old feel this way. That being in a relationship is the default setting and anything outside of it is weird, abnormal, something to worry about. Maybe you just haven't met someone worthy of sharing your life with and splitting your time with yet? Maybe you've had other priorities - moving out, going to college, getting a job, getting settled into an independent, adult life and all that goes with it. In that scenario, the fact that you haven't grabbed the first girl who came into your eyeline, regardless of suitability, and forced yourself into a relationship with her, is quite a healthy thing and has given you the chance to develop into the person that you are today without the distraction of a relationship that probably would have stunted your personal growth due to its unsuitability.

What I'm saying, basically, is relax the cacks OP. There's nothing abnormal about you, you're just living life at your own pace and as a 27 year old woman, I'd personally find it refreshing to meet a guy who wasn't bringing a weight of relationship baggage to the table.

Some people fall into relationships seemingly effortlessly (we all know a few of these types), others are more prone to singledom and the search for another half is lower on their list of priorities; and then others again are motivated by the search for love but take a little longer to get there. Sometimes it takes a bit more of a galiant effort than you originally start off with - it may mean being more open in your search, being braver in your interactions with women you fancy, putting yourself in a position where rejection is a real possibility, maybe even repeatedly; perhaps communicating with your friends more that you are actively looking for a relationship; being more proactive and forward with the women you are seeing about making a real commitment. Have you been doing these things? Because sometimes, wanting something badly is not enough - you have to be willing to put in the groundwork too.

If it's any consolation, in the last 24 months, three of my 'perpetually single' friends, who agonised over their love lives and their lack of luck when it came to meeting someone and getting into a healthy relationship, have gotten engaged to the love of their lives. This is girls with virtually no relationship experience beyond your standard flings and casual dating scenarios, who had almost given up on the idea of meeting a decent man, when all of a sudden they looked up and there he was, staring back at them. They met and that was it, everything was easy, natural, straight-forward and all the stupid games and dating rules they'd abided by for 20 odd years went out the window. It can happen that fast, that easily, and if it does, you'll look back on how much time you wasted worrying and stressing about ending up alone forever.

What I'm saying is, you're grand. We don't live in the 1800s anymore, you don't have to be married by the time you start making a salary - you're quite young in the general scheme of things and should use this time to experience all the dating disasters that the 21st century allows! The next time you see a woman you like the look of, just go for it, walk right up to her and engage her in conversation - you never know which woman you pass on the street could end up being the love of your life. And enjoy yourself for God's sake. Life's stressful enough as it is without adding to it unnecessarily!

battle_hardend

snafuk35 wrote: »

Just be yourself.

if uttering cliches was an olympic sport , the one above would win more golds than usain bolt

Procrastastudy

There's online dating and there's online dating

I met my wife of five years (togeather 5 before that) online in the days when... well 2002 you dont really need a maths PhD to work that out. Try a few more sites and be patient. Enjoy the ride (...ahem...) of meeting new people and finding that 99% of them arent for you. Even ten years ago the vast majority of dates would offer to pay half... not that I would let them being the ubergentleman! So don't be afraid to take a punt on a few girls that don't look right. I mean that with the greatest respect as every woman has her beauty - and the reverse is sometimes true that not all hot women are as dull at they first appear!

Matchaffinity and e-harmony are more for relationships - as are the smaller, off the radar, sites.

BTW I look like a fat Wayne Rooney and I'm always suprised how ugly the BFs / Husbands of hot women are so don't be shy from that angel - although I'm sure you're gorgeous!