What do you think Ladies?

fatfacee

Hi Ladies..

New on here and thought I would start a thread to get some views or opinions from you beautiful ladies here:D

I starting dating a guy a year ago, at the start it was just a meet up here and there, a night out for a meal or drinks. Just messing around really. A year later were now in a relationship which is starting to become serious. He has told me he loved me and I have told him so too.

There's just one thing. He works at a lap dancing club. I knew this when I started dating him and never cared much as we were just dating and having fun. Now we are serious, I'm looking more into our relationship and the bit of jealousy that comes with relationships i suppose is creeping in..

I have found out he has dated two of the girls were he works..Ok so that was cool because we were not together but recently I went and had a drink at the club to find they both still work there..AWKWARD! Both doing there job strutting around half naked and prowling on older men. Unashamedly flirting with my boyfriend in front of my eyes. I must admit it wasn't the most comforting site for me lol, not to mention the place just looked total seedy!! Anyways since this visit I can't help wondering if I'm comfortable with this..I mean who I am i to be saying I don't like were you work etc right now but I'm just thinking down the lines. Late nights every night with ex lap dancing girlfriends. Is the temptation there for him?..Am I over thinking this?

How would you feel if you were in the same situation? Thanks :cool:

lilmissprincess

It really does genuinely come down to whether or not you feel like you can trust him.

fatfacee

lilmissprincess wrote: »

It really does genuinely come down to whether or not you feel like you can trust him.

Thanks lilmissprincess.

After my little visit I'm not too sure tbh. I had never thought about it until then. I guess time will tell:)

Wibbs

More suitable here fatfacee

fatfacee

Wibbs wrote: »

More suitable here fatfacee

Yay thanks :-) Didn't know how to put it there.

Jen Pigs Fly

It would be an issue of trust for me too.

if you feel you can trust him and you know in your gut that you can trust him and you know he's up to no good then there's no problem really, don't let it eat you up.

but if there is a doubt maybe say it to him?

I personally know with my gut feeling if someone is cheating or not, I just get the feeling, don't know if you get it or not but it has never steered me wrong yet.

I would feel jealous too, but sometimes jealousy is a totally natural reaction to something and you just have to accept it and put it behind you. Do you think he would cheat? If so, then the jealousy is a real problem and you need to have this out with him.

If you don't think he'd cheat, then all you're experiencing is the kind of mild unease which anyone would feel if their boyfriend was spending time with his half-clothed exes. Talk to him about it. Make it clear you're just airing how you feel. If he's in any way decent he'll see why you'd be feeling a tad insecure about this. Hopefully he'll reassure you.

If he gets offended or flies off the handle, then to be honest I would be a bit worried.

OldNotWIse

"all you're experiencing is the kind of mild unease which anyone would feel if their boyfriend was spending time with his half-clothed exes" So funny (not being smart I swear), just the way you coined it was brilliant I think i'd be like the OP and possibly worse. Going out with a girl with a very "male brain" (sorry guys!) who I'm pretty sure wouldn't resist if she was drunk and approached by some pretty, half-clad lady :rolleyes: The thing is, if someone is going to cheat, they will find that opportunity eventually (regardless of where they work or what their colleagues wear) so I dont know if the issue is his workplace or not. But likewise if someone wishes to remain faithful and true to their other half, they likely will be, even if something is handed to them on a plate (I suspect and hope that the latter applies here OP) Has he done anything in the past to make you doubt his fidelity? Have you been hurt in the past? I hope you can find a way to work through it. Have you spoken to him about your concerns?

OldNotWIse

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

It would be an issue of trust for me too.

if you feel you can trust him and you know in your gut that you can trust him and you know he's up to no good then there's no problem really, don't let it eat you up.

but if there is a doubt maybe say it to him?

I personally know with my gut feeling if someone is cheating or not, I just get the feeling, don't know if you get it or not but it has never steered me wrong yet.

I've heard so many people saying this (and I suspect it's sound advice tbh) but hard to swallow. I dont trust my partner. But I love her. Listen to my gut and walk? eek :eek: Just dont know

Julia London

How does he view women? does he see women as sex objects or is he respectful towards women?
Prob be a dealbreaker for me personally , i wouldnt want to have kids with a man tieds up in the sex industry. It just wouldnt be for me.
But if you love him and trust him - tough call

Jen Pigs Fly

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I've heard so many people saying this (and I suspect it's sound advice tbh) but hard to swallow. I dont trust my partner. But I love her. Listen to my gut and walk? eek :eek: Just dont know

You need to look at it speculatively, trust takes time, and even in a long term relationship I find that sometimes you do get that sinking feeling that the other person could be up to no good. It's all about knowing the other person, do you know what type of person she is? Even if you can't trust her, if she has never done anything that would garner distrust I would be less likely to listen to this guy feeling.

For example with an ex of mine whenever he would go out to a nightclub I would worry, but I instinctively knew that he would never go off with someone else, even if we just had a fight. I would be more worried about him starting fights with other lads or getting in trouble over him off on the cheat.

Another ex of mine was cheating and I knew, I just had that feeling and I knew he was cheating. Needless to say that didn't last long.

I'm not a very trusting person, I've been hurt a lot, but I have learnt to listen to my gut feeling, it has never steered me wrong.

If you just don't trust her then I wouldn't walk, if she has done bad stuff in the past that may warrant you to not trust her then maybe evaluate the relationship.

OldNotWIse

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

You need to look at it speculatively, trust takes time, and even in a long term relationship I find that sometimes you do get that sinking feeling that the other person could be up to no good. It's all about knowing the other person, do you know what type of person she is? Even if you can't trust her, if she has never done anything that would garner distrust I would be less likely to listen to this guy feeling.

For example with an ex of mine whenever he would go out to a nightclub I would worry, but I instinctively knew that he would never go off with someone else, even if we just had a fight. I would be more worried about him starting fights with other lads or getting in trouble over him off on the cheat.

Another ex of mine was cheating and I knew, I just had that feeling and I knew he was cheating. Needless to say that didn't last long.

I'm not a very trusting person, I've been hurt a lot, but I have learnt to listen to my gut feeling, it has never steered me wrong.

If you just don't trust her then I wouldn't walk, if she has done bad stuff in the past that may warrant you to not trust her then maybe evaluate the relationship.

So you just knew? Wow, I wish I could have that kind of sense... I suspect my gut feelings are more to do with my own trust issues rather than anything she has done (we've had one blip but nothing major). Having said that, I am always ill at ease if she goes out without me, and I dont want to spend the rest of my life like that! I'll go nuts lol