When should I call her?

LegacyUser

I've known this girl for a while, she's a friend of a friend. I've spoken to her once or twice when out and then over the weekend we spent the whole night talking.
She's a great girl, so friendly and nice and confident. She's easy on the eye too. I was asking her why she was single and she said that people just don't ask her out. So I asked her out and she said yes and gave me her number. I told her I'd ring her to arrange a night out and she said great but she has a lot on so to give her some notice (she's in college as a mature student and has exams coming up and also is involved in some clubs so is busy a lot of evenings).
She's about 6 years younger than me. I'm mid 30s and she's late20s.

I was getting all the right signals from her. But then towards the end of the night my friends were leaving to go to another bar and she was staying where she was. I was going to wait with her but she asked me if those guys were my way home and I said they were. I live outside the city. So she told me I should go and not to miss my lift home because she would see me during the week.
She texted me later that night to say she hoped I'd had a good night and she'd talk to me soon.
I was talking to the mutual friend about it yesterday and he offered to text her and suss her out but when she replied she never even mentioned me (he just asked her how her night was).

So now I'm wondering if she wants to go out still. I haven't heard from her since then and I'm not sure with the way she told me to leave. We didn't kiss or anything.
She's just so lovely and I am worried she was drunk (she was drinking but didn't seem wasted or anything) and I guess I'm second guessing her interest in me.
I'm not very suave or lucky with women and I am questioning why someone like her would be interested. She said she was impressed that I asked her out and that I am a gentleman but I suppose I'm conditioned to believe women want a "bad boy" and as a result I'm thinking I should leave her waiting before I call. IF I call.
I'm afraid I'll call to arrange a date and she'll fob me off.

Beruthiel

timing wrote: »

I am a gentleman but I suppose I'm conditioned to believe women want a "bad boy" and as a result I'm thinking I should leave her waiting before I call. IF I call.

Game playing. It's detestable.
I have no idea why people feel the need to complicate life.
As someone in their mid 30's, you should know that.
Call her and ask her out on a date, if she's interested, she'll go, if she's not, she won't.
Simples.

LegacyUser

Do NOT leave her waiting. If you like her, call her today and arrange to meet later in the week. Seriously - if I was this girl and you left it till mid/late in the week to call, I'd assume you couldn't be arsed and that all your chat at the weekend was just a line to get an ego boost/her number.

Call her today! She said she needed notice anyway.

Sleepy

Take out your phone and call her or text asking what night suits her for meeting up.

Ignore the self-help, rom-com rules rubbish and just be yourself. If she likes you that's enough. If she doesn't, what's the point in trying to make her like some version of yourself that you have to pretend you are?

@rti-shm@rti

Oh my God! And here I was thinking it was us ladies that over analyse everything to within an inch of its life!!

a) The girl has ALREADY agreed to go on a date with you
b) She only said for you to go home with your friends because she's obviously a considerate girl and she said she'd be seeing you during the week anyways
c) She texted you that night to say that she'd speak to you during the week
d) Why in the name of God would she mention anything about you in a text to your friend who enquired how her night was?

I'm not sure how much more validation you need! The girl is obviously into you, she's alluded to meeting during the week more than once after you asked her out. You're the one who told her YOU'D be in contact. YOU'RE supposed to get onto her to organise the date. I really don't know what more this girl is supposed to do to show she's interested in you.

Forget the bad boy rubbish, she sounds like a sensible girl and to be honest when you like someone; him calling when he says he will isn't going to put anyone off.

Text her to find out when she's free and stop freaking out about it!!

squonk

Holy christ man! Seriously!!! Your friend was worse indulging you by even bothering to text. There's a pair of you in it. Just text the girl back and go on a friggin date! Not everything in life has to be a big production!

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone.
You are all right. I should call her. I just cant believe how nervous I am. I haven't asked anyone on a date in a long time.
My friends were telling me I shouldn't contact her too early because it would come across as needy or desperate and we saying to leave it until later in the week but I felt like if I left it that long I'd never call her. But none of them have been single since their early 20s so I don't think they understand the concept of dates - it was all shifting in clubs for them.
They were also making out like because I didn't get "the shift" that she is just playing with me.
Whereas I think she's just too classy to shift someone in the middle of a pub. But the seeds of doubt were sewn.
Will try calling her later tonight because she'll be in college now. Really nervous about it.

Beruthiel

OP againq wrote: »

You are all right. I should call her. I just cant believe how nervous I am.

Savor it.
It's fun to feel a tad nervous about something like this in your mid 30's.
Makes you feel more alive, no?

My friends were telling me I shouldn't contact her too early because it would come across as needy or desperate

Total b/s.
You've already asked her out. All you're doing now is confirming details.

They were also making out like because I didn't get "the shift" that she is just playing with me.

Or maybe she was just acting like an adult.

P. Breathnach

Beruthiel wrote: »

... Or maybe she was just acting like an adult.

Indeed. It seems that behaviour that was considered normal and reasonable when I was younger is now mysterious and confusing.

OP, keep it simple. Don't play games; don't look for hidden agendas; don't create hidden agendas.

Stavro Mueller

I hope you made contact with her. And ignore your friends and their "advice". They sound like a bunch of 15 year olds. If you do go out, just be yourself. Yeah, I know it's the oldest cliché in the book :rolleyes: None of this bad boy nonsense or behaving like you think you're supposed to be behave. Most adults grow out of this nonsense.

D.R Adams

Honestly, who the f**k keeps friends like this?? "You should wait" "Not appear desperate" "Women like bad boys"

jesus H christ you are DESPERATE!!!

LegacyUser

Well I rang her last night and we tried to arrange a date but our schedules are a bit out of synch. I'm going to try and get out of something I have on for a night she is free so I told her I'd get back to her about the specifics.
But she did say definitely when I said we should meet up.
So no date arranged but one in the pipeline.

Beruthiel

And now you're wondering what all the panic was about.