Drugs etc

LegacyUser

Going anonymous for this.
I have found out that my 21yr old son is doing/selling drugs.
I am appalled and extremely worried. I know he smokes weed on occasion,and honestly thought it was just that - occasional -so not too concerned.

I am my own worst enemy - I installed a keylogger on my pc,I just thought something didn't sit right with him and tried to talk generally with him about drugs and my thoughts on it. Wrong maybe, but I needed to know what the hell was going on. And I wasn't getting any answers from talking.

He has always maintained to me that all he does is smoke a little weed sometimes. Not ecstatic about it but hey, we all have at some point so.......,

Unfortunately the key logger has told me otherwise. Acid tabs, ecstasy, I can get some for you for €200,drop some of this, take some of that, and so forth.

What do I do. Husband will go ape ****, will also go NUTS to know I have a keylogger installed, which I am going to have to admit to obviously, as he has a little gambling thing going on which he thinks I don't know about (another story but not relevant) and will be extremely annoyed about it.

My son is living at home,doing part time work so not a lot of cash, and I need to know how I can broach the subject without causing mayhem.

I don't know how to go about it.

Wompa1

I'd make him move out if I was you. He's an adult and can do what he wants, but he's living under your roof and if you are concerned with what he's up to it shouldn't fall on your doorstep. If he's willing to change things, he could stay.

I'd tell him you disapprove but if that's what he wants to do it's up to him and you'll support him in most ways possible but you can't support his drug habit and drug dealing.

But then I'm kind of tough lough type of person.

Payton

I have to agree with Wompa1, sound advice. I just like to add, tell your husband because by keeping it from him it will only make matters worse this is not a issue where he has "mitched" from school....this is going to effect not only his but all the families lives and future.
If it was me Id remove him from the house immediately, he comes back when he has his act cleaned up. He is an adult and he is useing the family home as he pleases.
IMHO you need to deal with this as a family not alone before it gets too big to control, its a major issue.
There are plenty of support services available just google them.
Sorry to say but its called tough love.
All the best.

You did the right thing by installing the keylogger - had you not, then you would never have found out. Tell him that you know and that he needs to move out.

invinciblePRSTV

Without actually seeing the logs in question it could very well be a case of your son chatting online with friends and 'talking up' his connections.

Have you also snooped through his bedroom and all his possessions OP? did you find a large amount of illegal substances? Maybe you should in order to satisy your curiosity?

As an aside, your behaviour in spying on your family members is reprehensible.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I wouldn't be that quick to kick out a 21 year old. Yeah legally they're an adult but really they're still pretty childish. For your piece of mind, I'll tell you that if someone was spying on me they'd probably think i was a drug dealer too. I'm not though. However, conversations by text and computer could involve me organising getting acid, pills, weed etc for someone else through a friend. I'm 30 years of age though and in a very good job, I've never actually made money from passing drugs from one group to another.

So rather than just kicking him out, have a talk to him and tell him what you know and that you're extremely concerned. Tell him you're not comfortable with it can he needs to stop while he's living in your house. I'm not going to tell you that acid, E and weed aren't that bad because it'll start a whole big debate and I'll get yelled at by other posters :rolleyes: but I honestly think it could be worse, at least it's not coke/heroin he's dabbling with.

If you do kick him out and he's already moving in those circles it could go very much downhill and he could end up doing the worst kind of things if he has absolute free rein. Honestly OP, while I understand how worried you are, tread softly here and don't go off the deep end. I had a friend a couple of years younger than me who was kicked out of home because he was caught with weed a few times. We buried him 7 years ago from a heroin overdose, he would never have gone near that if he'd been at home and still hanging out with us instead of in hostels and the streets. "Tough love" killed my friend. So yeah, don't let anyone wind you up, take your time and think carefully before you do anything.

Best of luck.

Payton

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

I wouldn't be that quick to kick out a 21 year old. Yeah legally they're an adult but really they're still pretty childish. For your piece of mind, I'll tell you that if someone was spying on me they'd probably think i was a drug dealer too. I'm not though. However, conversations by text and computer could involve me organising getting acid, pills, weed etc for someone else through a friend. I'm 30 years of age though and in a very good job, I've never actually made money from passing drugs from one group to another.

So rather than just kicking him out, have a talk to him and tell him what you know and that you're extremely concerned. Tell him you're not comfortable with it can he needs to stop while he's living in your house. I'm not going to tell you that acid, E and weed aren't that bad because it'll start a whole big debate and I'll get yelled at by other posters :rolleyes: but I honestly think it could be worse, at least it's not coke/heroin he's dabbling with.

If you do kick him out and he's already moving in those circles it could go very much downhill and he could end up doing the worst kind of things if he has absolute free rein. Honestly OP, while I understand how worried you are, tread softly here and don't go off the deep end. I had a friend a couple of years younger than me who was kicked out of home because he was caught with weed a few times. We buried him 7 years ago from a heroin overdose, he would never have gone near that if he'd been at home and still hanging out with us instead of in hostels and the streets. "Tough love" killed my friend. So yeah, don't let anyone wind you up, take your time and think carefully before you do anything.

Best of luck.

If he is arranging drugs for someone else well then he's a bigger fool. If the garda get involved the text, emails, all communications were made by him, fact!
Sorry to inform you but certain types of drugs are illegal in this country if they weren't he would be doing it the way he's doing it.
Basically your patting him on the back...its wrong, its illegal, and its dangerous. Please don't make light of this.

Taltos

Why not sit him down and talk to him like an adult?

Let him know that both of you know what he is doing, have the evidence and cannot condone it.
Give him the choice - either stop his illegal behaviour - and if he needs help for his own addictions you will help him, or deal with his actions as an adult - move out, and pay his own way and deal with the consequences of dealing drugs.

If he chooses to move out - it is his choice, just like it was his choice to deal in drugs. All you can do is set the example but if he chooses to deal drugs and possibly do worse that is not your responsibility, it is only your responsibility if you turn a blind eye and do nothing.

edellc

Have to say I'm kinda siding with curlzy on this one, yes we all know drugs are illegal but guess what people still do them, and the amount of people who do them and dont get caught far out weight those who do get caught, getting a few pills or smoke for your pals is how the whole thing works, its the people who you are buying the pills/grass from that are the dealers and not your actual son ( i know I know technically if he is buying for his mates then he is dealing but he isnt a dealer unless he has a stash under his bed or in his closet and selling in bulk)

OP sit down and talk to him adult to adult, let him know the house rules, if he is buying for his mates for a night out fare enough you may not like it but its his life and if he doesn't have a stash in the house what can you do, people do drugs whether its alcohol, cigarettes or the illegal sort from the soft to the hard they do them as long as he doesnt have them in your house and knows the dangers involved

I dont see how kicking him out will help in fact you could make it a whole lot worse and like curlzy said end up pushing him into harder drugs, at the minute he isnt doing hard drugs so be thankful for that, but do make it clear you do not want illegal drugs in your house

Oh also you dont need to tell him how you know your his mother YOU JUST KNOW

LegacyUser

Hi op,

I'm 23 and living at home with my parents. I work full time and consider myself to be a good person, never cause my folks any grief etc

If someone had a key logger on my computer, they could very well think that I'm a drug dealer. A lot of my friends dabble with cannabis, E and the very odd time acid. I've often received texts off people asking if I knew anyone who could 'sort them out' with certain drugs and yes I have pointed them in the right direction on occasion. I am not a drug dealer, the only drugs I have carried on me over the years were for personal use.

What I'm trying to say is, don't jump the gun on this one. Young men/women take drugs every weekend in this country, it may come as a shock to certain people but that is the truth. At least half the people I went to school with would still experiment with drugs, it's a lot more common than you'd think and it doesn't mean your son is a bad person. I personally take E every few weeks at gigs/big nights out and I'm not a bad guy. If your son was involved with heavier drugs like cocaine or heroin, I'd obviously be far more concerned

I would be very very careful in how you deal with this. Unless you have 100% concrete evidence that he is selling drugs, I wouldn't go accusing him of anything. If he is coming in at all hours of the night regularly, maybe it would be wise to sit him down and tell him you suspect he is on the wrong path but do not bring up the keylogger issue with him, infact if you have any respect for your sons privacy(and your husbands for that matter) delete that keylogger entirely.

Best of luck