Can you ever outrun your demons.

gud4u

Hi,

I have a long history of anger, anxiety and depression. I get on top of it sometimes and I could be fine for months on end, but it never lets up for long.

Medication never worked for any longer than a few months and despite counselling which has had great benefits, I just feel like it's one step forward and two steps back.

It's the anger flares that are the worst, I really don't know how I'm still married, but in my defence, my husband even admits to winding me up....I really don't know why he likes to do it, it really upsets me. He just laughs at me. This just makes me a harder person, as in, cynical.

Is it possible that some pasts are just too hard to overcome, and, despite all the treatment, medication, exercise and positive thinking you can muster, it's not enough and never will be.

On the outside, I am known as happy, polite, helpful and sporty. On the inside, I am a demon. There is a monster in there that wants to burst out and scream, and believe me it has surfaced from time to time. But, this is the real world, where you have to keep your head down and work, smile and get on with it, not lash out, cry and scream.

I work in a public based job, which I am good at, but hate. While I am offering the customer advice and going beyond the call of duty to help at times, more often than not, I want to headbutt the person, I'm consumed with hatred for myself and those around me, yet I don't know why, nor how to let it go.

I feel terrible for admitting this anger, it's irrational and takes every bit of energy I have to appear 'normal' on a daily basis. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even human as I have such bizarre thoughts, i think that's just a coping mechanism though, there is of course the distinct possibility, that I am just full of sh*t.

If I do not learn to cope with myself, I will end up a bitter, twisted and anger riddled old bat, dead for days with only a cat. Despite my anger, I can also keep a sense of humour about it.
I'm actually quiet positive at the moment, I rate my days on how much I want to smash my face into the mirror in the morning, but I can actually smile at myself these days, so on a plus, to anyone who's depressed, it can pass, but it can return by the looks of things.

Thank you if you have read this post, especially if you don't feel like punching me.

girl2

Firstly…is this anger stemming from somewhere? Is there a lot of past baggage there or anything?

gud4u

I suppose it stems from the lack of a structured upbringing, but I feel guilty about being such a whinger as many people have had less than happy upbringings. I guess I'm angry at my inability to be normal.

saa

You seem to not understand why you are so angry and that is absolutely normal at the early stages of getting our lives and well being in balance, but this situation sounds like it has gotten very intense and its good to hear youve tried meds and counselling but did they have any aim, were they just treating the symptoms and not the problem? I think to get to the root of this and sort things out I think getting all the support you can would be great, have you had a proper assessment, if like the poster above there are issues from the past that is a clear aim but if there isn't anything like that I would question where this came from when it developed what sets off the anger. Because you say the anger is irrational and you have bizzare thoughts, that sounds like a lot to handle on your own, I know what to do when I feel depressed or anxious but I am not very good at knowing what steps to take when im angry or thinking strangly.

gud4u

^^^
Thanks,

Previously the help I get only dealt with the symptoms but I'm trying to get help with the reasons. I have absolutely no support, I cannot ask anyone for help, hence, why I am asking a laptop, and those at the other side of the screen.

I know that is a risk, but I sometimes annonyminity(spelling?) affords good answers.

Ickle Magoo

Maybe you need to be angry...or at least permit yourself to be angry/acknowledge you have the right to be angry?

If you are sure you are not going to be a danger to yourself in any way then perhaps taking yourself off somewhere remote and letting all that screaming and anger and wish to hit and kick things out...and then taking some time to reflect on where and how it's building up might help?

You say you hate your job, the person that's supposed to love you and make you feel special laughs at you when he upsets you - and you keep it all internalised and plaster a fake happy face on...sounds like a recipe for mental-health disaster to me.

Yeah Yeah Yeah

Have read thru. This all sounds perfectly normal to me, in as far as its not un normal to be feeling the way you do.

First thing I will say is I'm not a professional .

Second: I'll read your post again.

3rd: you seem totally normal

4th: you are very aware of who you are, and are aware of how others might perceive you to be: and it concerns you that people might think that you are not as "perfect" as you think others
Would like you to be.

5th you might be burying experiences of how you were mis treated in the past and this is effecting you from being able to deal with things now.

6th. I might be totally wrong

gud4u

Thanks all
I'm no threat to myself, I'd like to be clear on that. So I suppose I have made some progress as that wasn't always the case:o.

I left my job of 12 years last year and my husband supported that, he's not all bad;), just winds me up:(

I have a similar job now but just less stressful, still have to face the public though. Yes my counsellor has said I have right to be angry but ffs, how long do I have to be angry for, can I not just saddle up these demons and ride off into the sunset, kill them off and stroll back in on the sunrise all mentally enlightened.

As for the bizarre thoughts, I had a very active imagination as a child to help me cope with that period of my life, I just don't seem to be able to shake it off. I was also assessed and cleared of any mental conditions by a psychiatrist early this year. To prove to my GP that a physical ailment I'm stuggling with is actually real and not a product of my imagination(despite having an MRI to prove it:rolleyes:)

Now that I think of it, I have plenty to be mad about. Which brings me back to, how do I cope with it?

Babybuff

I used to work it out in the gym, when I don't get a workout or I have no outlet my energy torments me, it's the only way I can describe it. I am a happier person when I'm on my own, I won't enter relationships for that reason. I know I can't treat people right (give them all the things they need).
I know I won't get angry with someone but that's almost worse, I will bear down and give myself ulcers before it gets bad enough to walk away. The funny thing is I used to be the one who was there to make everyone else feel better, I loved life with all my heart and had great time for everyone. (actually, recently I fasted just before easter and one of the benefits I found was that my energy was very balanced, I wasn't fatigued but it seemed my body was using it for only the necessary functions, of which anger wasn't one. I'm going to try it again soon)

Aodh Rua

Can you ever outrun your demons.

One day, I forgave myself. It's over 20 years ago now but I distinctly remember it. In my memory, I remember precisely where I was when I forgave myself. I had gone out for a walk tortured with the need for peace. I don't know why it was a cataclysmic moment, but it was.

It allowed me to get on with the rest of my life and as such was completely necessary for this life I have in this body. I've always found it harder to forgive myself than to forgive other people.

I am a friend

Op think of all the energy you are putting into feeling like this day in day out. Is there not a different way to use your energy? Something productive and co constructive? If you put this energy into anything else you could rule the world. Give yourself a break - it must be so tiring.

Taltos

Hi OP

Maybe ask the GP for a referral to someone who can professionaly advise you on the best way forwards?

For me - maybe you need to cut yourself some slack here - learn to accept that the anger you appear to carry is a part of you and come to accept it.
Stop holding yourself to a higher standard - sometimes for whatever reason some of us are just naturally angry / pessimistic / cheerful types - and that is just the way we are.

What comes next though once you accept yourself is maybe learning either how to refocus that energy the anger gives you into something positive. Maybe an activity or something else. In my case the anger used to give me excess energy and weirdly strength - so I pushed it all out in the gym working on getting myself into a better place physically, over time as I got healthier I found myself in a better place mentally.
However eventually found the gym boring - so tried some classes and eventually settled on jogging - built it up to a half marathon.

At the same time maybe look into something like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) - your GP may be able to suggest someone locally.

Seriously though - cut yourself some slack - and don't fall into the trap of thinking this is how you will always be. I can't run any longer and yet despite that my temperment is much better than it used to be - the odd spike but now that I know some of the triggers and can spot when I allow my thinking to spiral I can cop myself on - or failing that my OH will flag me on it...

If there is something though from your past though that may be causing this - then please seek professional help and work through whatever that might be. Also maybe talk to your GP to fully rule out any physical cause - hormones / food alergies / etc...

Oryx

This is going to sound airy fairy, and I apologise for that. But op, would you say you are true to yourself? Do you make the decisions YOU want or is everything based on compromise and what needs to be done? Do you get to follow your heart or do you feel like you are living by someone elses plan?

I ask, because in my experience, having to always say 'yes' when you want to scream 'NO!' is the most angry-making thing in the world.

gud4u

Oryx wrote: »

This is going to sound airy fairy, and I apologise for that. But op, would you say you are true to yourself? Do you make the decisions YOU want or is everything based on compromise and what needs to be done? Do you get to follow your heart or do you feel like you are living by someone elses plan?

I ask, because in my experience, having to always say 'yes' when you want to scream 'NO!' is the most angry-making thing in the world.

You have made a very valid point here. I am just learning to say NO, accepting some things that will never happen and learning that not every open door or phone call ends in disaster.
I was very angry last night and after thinking of some of the answers here, I awoke this morning with a thought....
I attended an exceptionally sad funeral yesterday, I wanted to cry as it was very upsetting, I held it in as I wasn't a close friend, I was there more for my husband really. Holding it in manifested into anger, which led to an argument on the way home with himself. I realised that keeping the stiff upper lip all the time is impossible, but 'holding it in' is the only gear I have and anger is the next...letting go seems way too scary.
It turns out my husband doesn't actually know when I'm angry as he can't see the reason that led to it, so most of the time he thinks I'm only joking, that's why he laughs at me, so now that's cleared up, maybe we can get somewhere.
My family constantly joke that I have Aspergers, and my husband thinks that if I could file everything into little plastic bags with labels, I'd be fine. It's these kind of comments that make me think I'm mad. My husband doesn't comment anymore, and I don't really see me family, so you'd have to wonder what the problem is then
I know i'm not mad, as those that are mad, don't know it...right?

I have asked my counsellor a couple of times about coping stragedys, but she seem more interested in talking stuff through, which I know has it's place, but I think, I'm all talked out now and want action, like ways to identify triggers and then have a plan to divert. CBT, or something as suggested. I have also started an exercise plan to heal an old injury so I can burn off the anger energy, speaking of which, sometimes the energy scares me and I am guilty of subduing it in a less than acceptable manner...eating so much rubbish I get a sugar hangover!! However, only marginally better than what I used to use.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my posts and thanks for the replies, thay are much appreciated as I would normally lack the confidence to be so open.

Regards.

Oryx

Don't ever suppress your feelings. If you feel sad, allow yourself to cry. Let anger out in a safe way. If you disagree with someone close to you don't be afraid to say so. Thats what I meant by being true to yourself. Because we can get so wrapped up in whats appropriate rather than whats honest. Its something I've done and its a hard habit to even recognise, let alone break.

gud4u

I'm very caught up in what's right, appropriate, won't hurt others feelings, keeping the peace and always willing to help. If I thought I offended anyone i'd turn it over in my head untill it burst. I have copped on a bit though and at least can recognise when someone is mistaking me for a doormat.

I was brought up to never express myself, keep my opinions to myself and be rediculed for showing emotion. If you tried to engage in conversation and said something silly or wrong, you were laughed at and mocked until it was someone elses turn.

It just feels like I'm never going to gain the courage of my convictions, and while I can talk the talk sometimes, walking the walk is a whole other thing.

Sometimes it feels like there's a big judgemental monkey on my back and I can't get it off, dragging it around has taken its toll, any advice on killing him would be great.

Oryx

I can only tell you that practice makes it easier. The more you learn to be honest instead of just nice, reasonable and fake (and seething inside) the easier it gets. It doesn't make you bad, or mean. Once you realise that other people generally will respect you and accept you like this, its a real wake up call. Yeah, you will get those who try to put you back in your box, you learn to deal with that too, just by knowing deep down whats right for you.

thefeatheredcat

gud4u wrote: »

I was brought up to never express myself, keep my opinions to myself and be rediculed for showing emotion. If you tried to engage in conversation and said something silly or wrong, you were laughed at and mocked until it was someone elses turn.

Having suppressed emotions for so long means that it is a journey full of obstacles in allowing yourself to express yourself, from adapting to it and getting used to it to actually doing it when the need serves.

gud4u wrote: »

It's the anger flares that are the worst, I really don't know how I'm still married, but in my defence, my husband even admits to winding me up....I really don't know why he likes to do it, it really upsets me. He just laughs at me. This just makes me a harder person, as in, cynical.

Your husband winding you up, as you put it, is antagonistic in nature, designed to provoke your negative emotions (anger, fear, guilt) either by force of habit and knowing to push your buttons or by there being a subconscious will to challenge your emotional state or undermine your emotional experience.

You can't run from your demons...you need to confront this and face it down. Let out your emotions and experience them, being so suppressed for so long equates to difficulty in not just expressing it but difficulty in acknowledging and experiencing them to the point that the emotion is alien and you feel anxious or unsure or unhappy with your conscious admission of them that spirals negatively because you don't know how you're supposed to respond to the emotions and also to how you react to them or feel about them afterwards.

I don't know if there's counseling or therapy that deals specifically with the emotional self but you could look into it a anyway. For yourself you could start by allowing to express what you feel privately in creative ways in writing or painting and allowing the physical aspect of the anger be released in healthy ways ( as in non violence or harm to others, yourself or things). Personally myself I find it helpful to go down to an isolated beach and allow myself to scream when I feel angry and nothing that usually works helps.

I'd advise tackling it because dealing with negative emotions and intense emotions in the long run is incredibly mentally and emotionally draining and can result in too much energy being spent on just having and dealing with the negative emotions rather than enjoying the positive emotions and positive interactions.

wylo

Yes its possible to end all that crap (note, end , not outrun) and see that life is actually fun. And if you do it succefully , with alot of hard work you will actually understand what is happening during times like when your husband is winding you up, and you will laugh along instead of feeling pain.

He doesnt feel the kind of emotion you do when HE is wound up, so its probable he literally has absolutely no understanding or no ability to relate to it and what its doing to you. This isnt a bad thing, its probably this that attracts you to him in the first place, because thats what shapes his personality.
(apologies for the ridiculous assumptions there , but its just a thought.)

There are various forms of practice and techniques you can apply to end your crap. Some of them may seem weird , and some not. But you have to be motivated and willing to break down all your assumptions and beliefs about how you think your life and world works.

What Im suggesting to you is a philosophical route other than a standard route, where you challenge your ideas, beliefs, sense of self, and assumptions regarding who you are, and thus get liberated from them.
Theres loads of stuff online that helps with this, if you're interested ill post more about it. 99% of people I suggest it to tend not to be interested so I tend not to bother elaborating unless theyre actually keen.

gud4u

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

Having suppressed emotions for so long means that it is a journey full of obstacles in allowing yourself to express yourself, from adapting to it and getting used to it to actually doing it when the need serves.

This is a good point and something that makes sense, do you know of any more info regarding this.


Your husband winding you up, as you put it, is antagonistic in nature, designed to provoke your negative emotions (anger, fear, guilt) either by force of habit and knowing to push your buttons or by there being a subconscious will to challenge your emotional state or undermine your emotional experience.

We have spoken about this now and we are both understanding the situation a little better.

You can't run from your demons...you need to confront this and face it down. Let out your emotions and experience them, being so suppressed for so long equates to difficulty in not just expressing it but difficulty in acknowledging and experiencing them to the point that the emotion is alien and you feel anxious or unsure or unhappy with your conscious admission of them that spirals negatively because you don't know how you're supposed to respond to the emotions and also to how you react to them or feel about them afterwards.

These would be the bizarre thoughts and feeling I have. I think you have really hit on the core of the problem here, I have been bound by how I should react for so long, I now fear my real emotions/feelings are not only unfounded but unnecessary and should be kept secret.

I don't know if there's counseling or therapy that deals specifically with the emotional self but you could look into it a anyway. For yourself you could start by allowing to express what you feel privately in creative ways in writing or painting and allowing the physical aspect of the anger be released in healthy ways ( as in non violence or harm to others, yourself or things). Personally myself I find it helpful to go down to an isolated beach and allow myself to scream when I feel angry and nothing that usually works helps.

I have taken steps to fix up a spare room that will be mine to do what I please in, paint, cry, scream, knit..whatever.

I'd advise tackling it because dealing with negative emotions and intense emotions in the long run is incredibly mentally and emotionally draining and can result in too much energy being spent on just having and dealing with the negative emotions rather than enjoying the positive emotions and positive interactions.

It's too draining to spend another day of my life 'enduring' with it rather than dealing with it, thank you for the reply.

gud4u

wylo wrote: »

Yes its possible to end all that crap (note, end , not outrun) and see that life is actually fun. And if you do it succefully , with alot of hard work you will actually understand what is happening during times like when your husband is winding you up, and you will laugh along instead of feeling pain.

He doesnt feel the kind of emotion you do when HE is wound up, so its probable he literally has absolutely no understanding or no ability to relate to it and what its doing to you. This isnt a bad thing, its probably this that attracts you to him in the first place, because thats what shapes his personality.
(apologies for the ridiculous assumptions there , but its just a thought.)

There are various forms of practice and techniques you can apply to end your crap. Some of them may seem weird , and some not. But you have to be motivated and willing to break down all your assumptions and beliefs about how you think your life and world works.

What Im suggesting to you is a philosophical route other than a standard route, where you challenge your ideas, beliefs, sense of self, and assumptions regarding who you are, and thus get liberated from them.
Theres loads of stuff online that helps with this, if you're interested ill post more about it. 99% of people I suggest it to tend not to be interested so I tend not to bother elaborating unless theyre actually keen.

I would be very interested in hearing more from a philosophical point of view, it is a subject that brings me great comfort.
Sometimes I think I know exactly who I am, but I do not like this person. I know I need to learn to accept myself, I just don't know where to begin.

neuro-praxis

I really feel for you, gud4u. You are articulating very difficult things and doing it very well.

Firstly I want to affirm you of a few things. You obviously have great resilience. You have been feeling this way for a long time and have doggedly kept going, kept getting out of bed every day and kept going. Secondly you have managed to maintain a successful relationship with your husband in spite of your issues - this is to be commended. Thirdly, while I understand that your motivations may be people-pleasing rather than altruistic sometimes, you have shown a lot of kindness to others. I can see that just from your posts here.

I also really want to affirm you in how you are trying to resolve these issues. You sound like you are hurting a lot. In some ways we could view the pain, as hard as it is, as a positive thing, because it is signalling loudly to you that something is wrong and needs to change. Please continue on your quest to resolve your issues - ignoring them will only result in an explosion or perhaps worse, an implosion.

As for what to do. I think that you could really benefit from a positive approach to your mental health. This is what has worked for me. This means not only digging digging deep down to find the causes for hurt, anger etc., but using a positive psycho-linguistic model for recovery. This works on the basis that every thought we have is an affirmation. Therefore if our heads are full of dreadful affirmations, we begin to challenge them. This is very difficult at first but it's like learning an instrument: you get into the rhythm of it.

I would advise you to try and read around the subject, or find a counsellor who uses a similar approach. In the mean time, I have some suggestions for you.

• Come up with three affirmations. For example "I am a valuable, intelligent person who is worthy of love" or "I accept myself as I am" or whatever works for you. This can be hard at first, but write them down even if you don't believe them. Then allow yourself to say these things to yourself throughout the day wherever they might be helpful - for example at a moment when you feel worthless or upset, or even when you are looking in the mirror and drying your hair in the morning.
• Every night before you go to sleep, name 3 things that you give yourself credit for (at first I included "getting out of bed" and "eating a healthy breakfast" as things to give myself credit for) and 3 things you are grateful for (for example, start with "my husband's faithfulness" or "the beautiful blue sky on the walk home"). Do this every single night until it is a habit.
• Take a little bit of time every day for self-care. Do something nice and small just for you. This is nobody else's business. Forget you who fear will judge you for it. It sends your whole self a message that you are worth spending time with and taking care of. Little treats and pleasures, like a manicure or an episode of your favourite tv programme. Turn the phone off: it's about you.
• Find your voice. Start a blog or a diary and start expressing yourself there, even if it's all just anger. Get the feelings out. There will never be a person who can listen to you for hours on end but a diary has no limits.
• Get curious. Borrow a camera and get out into the streets or nature and start noticing things. Get out of your head. If you can draw, go somewhere and do a bit of sketching of things that interest you - you often see art students doing this by the sea or in museums. Get interested in things again and discover what interests you, what you enjoy.

These are just some tips. I wish you every good thing as you begin your recovery towards better health and happiness today! Small steps, small steps, and for every single tiny one of them, give yourself credit. You deserve it, you are making changes of a lifetime.

gud4u

Neuropraxis, I think I may print you first paragraph and read it daily:)

thefeatheredcat..Having suppressed emotions for so long means that it is a journey full of obstacles in allowing yourself to express yourself, from adapting to it and getting used to it to actually doing it when the need serves.

Is there any way of putting a name to the above so as to find info on the subject. It is this behaviour that has given me Aspergers like thoughts, I took a few on line tests(evil things that they are, and I know they are just a tool and not a diagnosis) and scored high for Autistic Traits.

That said, I recently found a study that revealed there are lots of people with autistic traits and it's really not that big a deal, for me, I suppose, it would just make me more acceptable of myself. To know that there is a slight personality quirk and I'm not actually going mad.

neuro-praxis

gud4u wrote: »

Is there any way of putting a name to the above so as to find info on the subject.

Can I just ask, is this question aimed at me or thefeatheredcat? I wasn't sure.

thefeatheredcat

I wouldn't know what to look for or what term, but looking up books on dealing with your emotional self. Maybe looking up something like the lifecycle of emotions or cycle of emotions might help as that is what it feel like to me anyway from my experience. The self help and psychology section in bookshops would have books dealing with your emotional self but some you can find in like the spiritual sections.

I only know that there's a lot of obstacles because I'm also dealing with my emotional self that was suppressed for a long time and it has got to the point that I'm over emotionally expressive as a failsafe reaction to a difficult situation (as a result of being suppressed emotionally for so long it's all coming out of me in huge waves but it is exhausting mentally at the same time) i.e. prone to crying a lot as a release of emotion, which takes me down to feeling negative about myself rather than acknowledging the actual emotions such as anger which I was prone not to deal with because I didn't believe I had the right to be angry but I kind of get it that actually I do have a right afterall!.

Like you I was overly aware of the effect my emotional reaction would do to others; nobody wants to bear the brunt of someone's emotions when they are negative and in releasing them on people can lead to guilt or trouble further depending on the reaction received afterwards. I think it's positive that you're aware that what you feel can impact on others as it shows consideration, it's a problem though when you realise too that is a problem in itself as it gives reason to suppressing what you feel rather than having a healthy release.

The way then to cope is to find a way that works for you to channel that energy and emotion so that you can get it out without it affecting anyone, yourself included, and draw a line beneath and that's the end of it and you continue on with the rest of the day happily and healthier.

gud4u

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Can I just ask, is this question aimed at me or thefeatheredcat? I wasn't sure.

It was to the Thefeatheredcat..I cant figure out multiquoting:rolleyes:

Neuro-praxis..this is for you...using a positive psycho-linguistic model for recovery.... Do you know any books for this subject?



Thefetheredcat...I was thinking today, about this....


''Having suppressed emotions for so long means that it is a journey full of obstacles in allowing yourself to express yourself, from adapting to it and getting used to it to actually doing it when the need serves.''..thefeatheredcat..

Could it be that this is then just learned behaviour, we have learned to suppress things into a tight ball of ill health. I have struggled with letting go for the same reasons as you.

However,I think I am afraid to change, and realise that this contributes to the problem. In some ways I fear what you are going through now, even though the journey you are on is tough it'll be rewarding and of great benefit in the long run. I fear I won't be able for it, .but I suppose the alternative is to continue being exhausted outrunning the feckin' demons this thread is about.

It's like a highly strung coil, you can't leave it off too quick or it could injure you and those close to you, but if you don't leave it off, it'll get so tight it'll just break.

The healthy thing is to oil it up and release it slowly, at a pace that is comfortable to you and not in fits and starts, that leaves you emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. I have told myself I haven;t time to be getting all emotional and tired, but I think it's time I just did it, a mental and emotional spring clean if you like.

As good an analogy as that may be, I have yet to find an approriate oil and spanner to loosen up my own coil.

Like I said, sometimes, I can talk the talk, but lack the courage and conviction to walk the walk.

Thank you all for your time in posting and reading this thread, I have gotten more help and hope here than I have had in some of the counsellors I've been too.

thefeatheredcat

I would consider it a learned behaviour, yes. Even a coping behaviour. Even a means to protect yourself, too.

What I've been through has been incredibly rewarding emotionally. I've engaged something to a serious depth that really has altered my perspective in life.

The best thing about fear is that you get to stare it down and overcome it. And it's liberating! If you think of fear enough it will overcome you, but I always think about the book/film "The Neverending Story" because that's about courage and overcoming fears through facing them directly. You might surprise yourself in coping better than you would have thought and finding that you are stronger and more courageous than you give yourself credit for.

I didn't start it though intentionally, it was more circumstantial but in the end I started to use my sense of humanity to dig that bit more for some aspects.

You have a healthy attitude towards tackling it all, so I think you will summon what you need when you're ready. As for the oil and spanner, probably is different for everyone, but worth considering what catches your attention or your passion or interest or something that you disagree with, things that can weigh on your mind or opinions you feel strongly about.