Should I stay or make him go??

LegacyUser

First time poster in need of advice. Been with my OH for a long time and we live together. Had a huge argument three weeks ago over something and nothing and now he has completely emotionally withdrawn. He won't hold a conversation, hug me or kiss me and It's tearing me up inside. I have told him how he's making me feel, cried and he says nothing is wrong. He has stopped going to the gym and running and he spends most of his time on the couch. I am now at the point of asking him to leave as I am too uncomfortable in my own home when he is here. Has anyone any ideas how to fix this or should I just accept that it is over!!!

I am a friend

Is it your house? can you go away for a few days to clear your head?

bouncebouncey

Doesn't sound like it was something out of nothing to him. Either that or there are deeper underlying issues in the relationship.

I mean if you had a fight over him not bringing home a pint of milk from the shops, or leaving TV on when he went to bed then his behaviour would be way out of proportion and it may indicated he's using any excuse he can find to withdraw from you.

If you had an argument over an issue he deems to be big or you hurt his feelings to a great degree then he may be genuinely distressed, demeaned or just plain hurt!

Ickle Magoo

Getting away for a bit and giving you both a bit of space to think and calm down is no bad thing.

The other thing you could do is spell out that your partners emotional withdrawal is killing your wish to be in a relationship with him and you really need & want to talk about how he's feeling and what's going on before it causes irreparable damage.

You don't say what the argument was about - but it sounds like it has deeply hurt him/the way he views the relationship. Perhaps try to approach it with that in mind and ask he lay his cards on the table? I find arguments are resolved much faster when you both own up to your parts in it and then agree to listen and take on board how it affected the other person...and when describing how you feel, try to avoid blame phrases like "you make me..."...ime it just puts the other person on the defensive over their behaviour rather than listening to your rationale and accepting that's how you felt.

All the very best. :cool:

indough

did either of you say anything disproportionately bad to the other? i mean it is sometimes easy to say something very bad in the heat of even the most trivial arguments and not even realise how bad it was until after. if you did then he may have a genuine reason to feel hurt, if he did then perhaps he is acting this way out of guilt

Reesy

Can you have a grown-up unemotional (not angry) conversation with him - ask him why he has withdrawn, emotionally? If he refuses to engage in the conversation, I'd tell him in as unthreatening a way as possible that for the relationship to work, he needs at least to talk about what's causing him to withdraw, & give him space to think about it.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your replies. The original argument happened because I passed a comment on the fact that he wasn't being his usual self. He is inclined to take any comment as criticism but a fight has never lasted this long. Last night he told me he loved me and I told him his behaviour at the moment didn't show love. I am not in a position to go away for a few days as I have a son who is studying for exams..My partner seems to be fine with him by the way. I tend to agree that life is too short for this kind of behaviour and as a result, I have looked at my relationship in a whole new light. He has hurt me so much in the last fortnight that I don't think I will ever forgive and forget. That you all again for your insight..it has helped more than you'll know xxxx

SunnyDub1

I am not trying to be mean or hurtful saying this but maybe you at him all the time asking him "whats up and why he is changing" is getting him down - Just a taught.

He sounds like he may have an issue with the relationship or there could be something else getting him down.
If he is spending a lot on the couch, not communicating or not doing his usual day to day things -there is a possibility he could depressed and he may need to seek medical advice/help (again just another taught)

Either way , It's not fair on you and you shouldn't have to deal with that. You need to just sit down and tell him how it is, don't get upset just be strong and tell him things need to change as he is making you feel uncomfortable and unhappy. Maybe take time out of the relationship give each other a break, breaks can be could and it will make you both decide what is best for yous.

LegacyUser

Thank you sunnydub1. I did suggest that he go to the doctor because depression did cross my mind but he says there is nothing wrong with him other than me being annoying. He is going to work but other than that, he is not leaving the house. This from a man who used to run 10-12 miles every second day and go to the gym 3 days a week. His sleeping pattern is shot as well......some nights he doesn't sleep at all and then he's asleep all day or else he's grabbing naps. He's not doing anything around the house either and I'm afraid to ask him to. I'd like to believe there was a medical reason for his behaviour because then it excuses it to a point but maybe I just have to accept that he doesn't love me anymore and this is his way of letting me know.

Taltos

All - please no amateur diagnoses here, this is against our charter.

Thanks.