How do you know when it's time to break up?

LegacyUser

Hi, I would really appreciate some advice on this as I'm feeling very confused and not in a good place at the moment.

Some brief background- I've been with my boyfriend seven years now, I'm 26 and he's 27. Lately,being the past year, we have been arguing a lot, mostly over silly things. Two weeks ago I told him i wanted to break up, my main reasons being over the arguing, he still lives at home and refuses to take the next step of moving out,he won't learn how to drive-meaning I mostly act as taxi, he has stopped making an effort with my friends and I feel he isn't being very nice to me lately saying negative comments often. Also I think I'm getting the itch to travel as my friends will be doing so in a few months and he will not agree to this.

At first he accepted it, I told my family and friends, but he didn't, and still hasn't. We met a few days ago and he's swearing this has really opened his eyes, that he is going to learn to drive, and we can move in together in a few months and that he will appreciate me more.also he is insisting if we get back together we should go on holiday together as a fresh start. I have made it clear about traveling with my friends but I can't afford to travel with both, but he thinks we should spend the summer together.

Basically, I can't get it straight in my head am I being unreasonable to want to travel with my friends,which will mean I won't see him for two months, and also that he will not be able to travel this year as his friends can't afford it.
Also, I had made up my mind to break up, but then I see him and think of how long we've been together and it makes me forget about the negatives, is this just short term from anyone's experience?
And finally he said he's changed and his eyes have been opened through the break up already, but really is this possible after two weeks?
Thanks to anyone who has any help for me on any of this, and sorry it's so long!

SunnyDub1

HI Op,

7 years is a long time to be with someone especially at a young age. If yous are fighting and arguing a lot it's not a good sign. This really is make or break.

You have to really think about this...
Can you honestly see him Chaning and making more of an effort ? or is he just saying all this cause he thinks your gonna go traveling without him ?
tbh he is not thinking logically and he will say anything just so you wont go.
2 weeks is not a long enough break for 7 year relationship.

I think you should go traveling with your Friends.
You seem pretty unsure about the relationship, Yous need proper time a part, this 2 month traveling trip is ideal for both of you right now, might not seem like it now but trust me it is.
You are not getting any younger and a chance like this might not come again, and think how you would feel if he didn't change at all and you turned down this opportunity.

It's only two months it's not like your moving away for ever, it's something you want to do.
If he loves you enough and means what he says he will respect your choice to go traveling, and wait for you. It's meant to be it will be.

Best of luck

Ickle Magoo

There are two possibilities as I see it, OP.

a) He really has had his eyes opened and has realised he's throwing away the relationship because he won't move out or learn to drive and he's now doing everything in his power to rectify that....or....

b) He's realised you are slipping away from him and he's just throwing out everything he thinks you want to hear/trying prevent you going off without him and moving on with your life.

I think if you are going to give him a second chance then you have the right to ask for more than potentially empty promises - and if they are not empty promises then his money is better spent on driving lessons and a deposit...why not tell him you'll take the two months while travelling with your friends to consider his offer of reconciliation in which time you expect him to move out and start learning to drive - if he does that you'll know he's serious and you can talk when you get back?

All the best.

loughallenlass

I was in the exact same situation as you are now and I walked away (it wasn't easy) and lived my life. If it's meant to be it will be, but you need to understand you are a completely different person now than you were 7 years ago.
Perhaps you may be afraid of change...better than the devil you know and all of that..........

rainbows7

I think you should definitely go. You are young. You will regret it if you don't. Two months is nothing. He will appreciate you all the more on your return, if it's meant to be. He may even collect you from the airport himself to prove he has changed! Good luck

Wompa1

Cantgetmyheadaroundthis wrote: »

Hi, I would really appreciate some advice on this as I'm feeling very confused and not in a good place at the moment.

Some brief background- I've been with my boyfriend seven years now, I'm 26 and he's 27. Lately,being the past year, we have been arguing a lot, mostly over silly things. Two weeks ago I told him i wanted to break up, my main reasons being over the arguing, he still lives at home and refuses to take the next step of moving out,he won't learn how to drive-meaning I mostly act as taxi, he has stopped making an effort with my friends and I feel he isn't being very nice to me lately saying negative comments often. Also I think I'm getting the itch to travel as my friends will be doing so in a few months and he will not agree to this.

At first he accepted it, I told my family and friends, but he didn't, and still hasn't. We met a few days ago and he's swearing this has really opened his eyes, that he is going to learn to drive, and we can move in together in a few months and that he will appreciate me more.also he is insisting if we get back together we should go on holiday together as a fresh start. I have made it clear about traveling with my friends but I can't afford to travel with both, but he thinks we should spend the summer together.

Basically, I can't get it straight in my head am I being unreasonable to want to travel with my friends,which will mean I won't see him for two months, and also that he will not be able to travel this year as his friends can't afford it.
Also, I had made up my mind to break up, but then I see him and think of how long we've been together and it makes me forget about the negatives, is this just short term from anyone's experience?
And finally he said he's changed and his eyes have been opened through the break up already, but really is this possible after two weeks?
Thanks to anyone who has any help for me on any of this, and sorry it's so long!

Can I ask, what were you going to do for the 2 months you were travelling with your friends? Were you planning on going and staying in the relationship or take a break for the 2 months?

neuro-praxis

You don't mention being passionately in love with him. That's your answer right there I think.

LostGirly

How do you know when it's time to break up??

The answer is in the question hun, if you're thinking that and asking that, it's time to do it!