Should i get involved

Jhcx

Im not sure if this is the right spot:o

I have this friend a very close friend, She rang me up one night from college in a panic. Hearing her in a panic made me jump cause its rare for her to be in such a state. But she was after getting a call from this person who we would be acquainted with, saying their goodbyes and sorry. and then hung up She rang me up to get involved and do something. But i couldn't. So i decided to text said person but only realized later i had changed my number since last speaking to them. Personally for me that is grand i dont want to be involved with said person. Anyway the next day my friend gets a text from the person saying everything is ok.

My friend and this person have a bit of dodgy history. My friend is not fond of this person. Said person gets very attached to people. Which was one of the reasons why i backed off. But now its seems its getting worse for my friend(from my view) And im just wondering should i step in to help my friend by speaking to this person. My only fear is i dont want to be the cause of this person saying their goodbyes all over again, If you get me.

I cant really say it to my friend cause they will say no. but i dont have a good feeling about what the future has to offer.

Ickle Magoo

Your post is a bit vague OP - are you proposing speaking to someone who is threatening suicide on behalf of your friend? Or are they saying goodbye because they are leaving the friendship?

Jhcx

Suppose i should be more clear.

This person has already proposed suicide. Was about to go ahead with it but wasnt able to. My friend was very upset because she was put in such a horrible situation, Imo this was a way to gain my friends attention. This guy likes her. bit on the stalkerish side. Ever since the incident he has been getting attached again to her. But he obviously doesnt realize the damage he has caused. I would like to speak to him and tell him to back down. But im afraid this will cause him to flip.

Ickle Magoo

What does your friend think? Would they appreciate you stepping in to speak on their behalf?

I think your friend really ought to speak to this person and point them in the direction of professional help - contacting the persons family, doctor, faculty if needs be.

If someone has made threats against their own life then I really don't think it's your place to step in with an assumption it's attention seeking and have a word - if your friend doesn't want this person contacting them then they should be an adult about it and say so themselves...

Jhcx

See there's my problem. he's texting her everyday without fail she told me, or facebooking her. If i say to her shall i speak to him she is likely going to say no because she fears it will come back on top of her and or he could try and threaten her with suicide all over again.

This is going on for a year and a bit(the stalkerish contacting) She has tried to ignore him, she has told everyone what he is like. But yet in the end she's the one who has to prevent him from committing such acts. I've told her to cease all contact but it seems its not that simple. She understands my point that i think she should refuse to be speaking to him now after what he has put her through. Like its the way he has gone about this. Out of the blue he texts her. few texts later its suicide. after 12 hours he responds saying he couldnt do it. that the girl he loves has someone else. Clearly her. and now is acting like its ok texting her everyday. fair enough he is embarrassed.

I would be mortified texting the only person i told i was going to kill myself. This is what annoys me. she's put under so much stress. If he can do it once he will do it again if he cant get his own way imo. Its the way its looking. I dont want to see her put through something like that. If i was to say anything to him it wouldnt be fist in the air stuff. just more to understand why he has acted this way and mearly asking him to stop contacting her. Like my question is do i even bother asking her should i do something. Or just keep telling her to tell him to stop.

Ickle Magoo

It's a toughy but me, I think it's all got to come from her. If she really wanted it to stop she could text him/e-mail him suicide prevention agency numbers and then change her mobile number/e-mail and refuse to have any more to do with him.

The fact she has kept contact going and claims there is no other option would suggest to me she, at some level, doesn't want this drama triangle she's central to, to end. You don't say but are you male or female? I'd take a guess at male because your motivation for getting involved appears to stem more from an interest in her than concern for him...and that's another reason why it's more appropriate that she deal with him.

She has to really want to cut contact and then be resolute that happens - she doesn't seem to be at that point so trying to force contact to be cut on her behalf when she later caves in & has contact is just going to leave you frustrated and looking the bad guy...and I'm not convinced having a third party tell him to leave her alone is going to do anything but make him feel it's now a competition and try even harder anyway.

All the best

Jhcx

Thanks. I suppose that's all i can do is push her in the right direction to make the decision. Yes im Male. I'll pass on that advice to her about the numbers.

Thanks