Is This Ok?

LegacyUser

Hi all.

I'm a guy. Broke up with my ex gf about two months and am happy being single. I have only been out a couple of times since, but was never the out every weekend type either.

The ex and I were in each others pockets a lot, staying with each other nearly every weekend, on the phone every days for hours, etc. Thats why I'm happy having so much me time.

I just wondered is it normal that I don't feel into going out while I'm still unwinding after the breakup and enjoying some me time being single? I'm not a hermit like I've gone out a couple of nights and meet up with mates about once a week for a couple of hours. I like it this way for the moment.

I just wondered is it a bit weird? Should I not being going out more and that, maybe meeting new girls, etc? Tbh even though I have no issues over the breakup, I just don't feel bothered with meeting someone else now, all the hassle of texting, dating only two months after leaving a relationship just doesn't appeal at the moment.

It's just one of the lads got a new gf lately and shes having a house party tonight and he asked if I wanted to go. I found myself making excuses. But then I think, I'm not really in the mood, he would be the only there I know and tbh I reckon most there would 18/19 while I'm 23, so I said to myself it would be a pain in ass. But then I wonder am I only trying to justify avoiding yet another invite?

judgefudge

Hey OP.

I think it's perfectly ok. I'm 23, female and out of a long term relationship or about 6 months now. I don't see anything wrong with not going out too much if that's what you want to do. I also think its a really healthy approach after any relationship to spend some time not just being single but being on your own, to remember what you like to do as an individual.

However, just a word of caution, don't let it get to the point where you're never bothering with your friends. Remember that when you do decide you want to go out and meet new people you may need them for this. Also your friend may have wanted a little support if he's only seeing this girl for a short while.

Anyways,
Good luck

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Of course it is OK.

I have known single people so desperate for a relationship that they plan their lives around situations and events to hopefully meet someone. It became almost an obsession because they were obviously very unhappy on their own.

You are taking some time out and enjoying it. Good for you.

Whatever floats your boat, I say. You are not sitting in all the time and not everyone likes going out every chance they get

I'd say relax, don't overthink it and do precisely what makes you happy.

It sounds like you craved your own space when you were with your ex and now you are making the most of having some time to yourself and there is nothing at all wrong with that.

Thanks Sunflower It's funny I would have been a bit like your friends before my ex. It was my first proper relationship and before it I suppose I felt as if I was missing out and I used get a bit lonely now and again. But now after having experienced a relationship, I'm beginning to realize being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all I thought it was. That there's nothing wrong with being single and that I can actually be happy being on my own too

I admit I most definitely craved my own space while I was with her. Beforehand I always thought I wanted to be in constant contact, spend lots of time together, etc. But now, I realize a more relaxed approach suits me. What I mean by this is we were very full on, so I felt a bit claustrophobic. Weird I suppose but I had to go through it to learn I guess. Although this had nothing to do with the breakup may I add.

judgefudge wrote: »

Hey OP.

I think it's perfectly ok. I'm 23, female and out of a long term relationship or about 6 months now. I don't see anything wrong with not going out too much if that's what you want to do. I also think its a really healthy approach after any relationship to spend some time not just being single but being on your own, to remember what you like to do as an individual.

However, just a word of caution, don't let it get to the point where you're never bothering with your friends. Remember that when you do decide you want to go out and meet new people you may need them for this. Also your friend may have wanted a little support if he's only seeing this girl for a short while.

Anyways,
Good luck

Hi Judgefudge its nice to hear that from someone my own age

Never bothering with my friends is something I have been very wary of. The last thing I want is for them to end up not bothering inviting me out anymore because they think I wont go. I try to go now and again just to show I'm interested in making an effort.

I'm lucky though as one group of mates don't usually go every week anyway, I think I have only missed 2-3 nights (but went out with them for a night or two in between) I have been asked since the breakup, but I gave good excuses anyway :P

While my two best friends and I would be a another kinda group. I tend to go out with them separately from the other lot, but we usually call to each others houses once or twice a week anyway. But the three of us are kinda busy at the moment anyway so there's not many nights out to turn down there currently, but as I said we meet up weekly anyway at the houses so its not too bad.

SunnyDub1

Hi Op,

Your post reminded me of myself :P

Recently only out of a long term relationship myself, I'm around your age also.

Totally normal to feel how you are feeling, last thing you want to do is get back into another relationship or have to rely on drink every weekend to entertain you.
TBH I find that the people that go out on the piss every weekend after a break up are the ones who end up hurting more and struggle moving on.

Like yourself there is nothing better then "me" time especially after been in a relationship for so long.

Although I will add - try not to cut your Friends off to much, you don't want them To not bother with you cause your never out. Try to spend some time with your friends/family it's good to have company and people to talk to also