how to finish

LegacyUser

Been seeing guy about 3 months now.he lives an hours drive away so only been meeting once a wk sometimes twice. I've come to realise that I'm just not that into him and would be kinder to finish with him. I hate the thought of him getting ready to drive to my city to meet me after getting ready for a date only to be hit with news. If I try to give some warning eg say I want to talk sat night, then he will guess something is wrong and drag out of me over the phone. I know there's no easy way to dump someone but it just feels wrong to spring it on him after his making effort of travelling a distance. any advice?

I am a friend

You travel to him and do it there...

LegacyUser

I don't have transport so that's not an option I'm afraid.

_dublinlad_

whatiskinder wrote: »

I don't have transport so that's not an option I'm afraid.

Whatever you do - dont do it by text or phonecall. Do it face to face, maybe meet him half way or in some way closer to where he is coming from.

Ickle Magoo

whatiskinder wrote: »

I don't have transport so that's not an option I'm afraid.

Is there is no public transport between your city and his location?

coco_lola

Get public transport to as close as you can go and either get him to meet you if it's not that far away, or get a taxi from wherever the public transport stops.

LegacyUser

If ever I regretted not having a car.I checked buses and could get one to close enough to his village but no way of heading back tonight.think reduced services at weekends. To be honest, even if transport was option, no guarantee he would be around if went on spec
if told him i was calling to see him, same effect as saying over phone that wanted to talk- he'd know something was up as I've got kidscso haven't been to his place. Just wanted confirmation that a phone call was definitely a no no which seems the case. Should I give some warning in advance though.this seems so cruel

daithimac

your ending a three month relationship not one measured in years.

I think over the phone or if you have skype or msn for a video chat would be sufficent

Ickle Magoo

If it's really that much of an issue to see him face to face then I'd just phone...it's a three month relationship, had it been three years then I'd say go the extra mile regardless but in this case as long as you avoid text or e-mail, I think a phone call would suffice.

All the best. :cool:

daisybelle2008

I agree with the above poster, your relationship has been brief and I am sure he is aware this is coming. Getting him to make a special trip to hear it doesn't make sense.
It is far to awkward for you to get there.
To be honest I think over the phone is fine. I have never understood this face to face thing in relationships of a few short months. If it was me I would prefer to hear it over the phone to spare awkwardness for both parties.

Katy89

how about a letter? (strangely, nobody thinks about this option at all anymore)
many advantages: it show's respect, you made an effort to write it. you can decide and take your time what to write and what not, over the phone it can get quite emotional.
it's not as direct as over the phone,he can sort his immediate emotions out as well and decide for himself when to contact you.

indough

i think it is supposed to be emotional though. i had a girl ditch me over facebook recently of all things (deleted first though which makes it even more childish/ignorant). so i dont think over the phone is the worst method by any means, if getting there is really a problem

_dublinlad_

Completely disagree with the above posters. There is absolutely no substitute for face to face. Sure you say you want to end it because your not that in to him - perfectly fine. But for all you know this guy could be falling in love with you. As for the other posters says "its only been 3 months" - I have spent 2 months with a girl that meant 10 times more to me then a girl I spent 4 years with. Do the decent thing and tell him face to face.

indough

i kind of agree with the principle of that to a certain extent but it might be a bit strong. the ability to do things from a distance these days kind of leads to a bit of an emotional disconnect making it easier to just give up on things whereas if you met in person you might have a change of heart. but if you are 100% dead set about it and the travelling is really a major problem then i wouldn't feel too guilty about doing it over the phone either. just dont do it with a wall of text whatever you do as that is sort of the creeps way out as far as im concerned

kjl

I don't see the problem with ending it over the phone to be honest.

I once ended it with someone over the phone and the first thing she said was why didn't you do it face to face. I simply explained that I didn't think it would be fair to get her to get all dressed up only to dump her. You need to do the same to him. If he is going to be upset it doesn't matter how you tell him, at least this way he isn't going to have an awkward situation.

LegacyUser

Honestly, I don't see the problem with ending a relationship in a phone call. As others have said, when it's been three months I'd actually prefer to have someone end it over the phone then allow me to go to the bother of getting dolled up and leave the house - a phone call means he can call up his mates afterwards for moral support if needs be. A conversation over the phone is not HUGELY different to a face-to-face chat, especially if your mind is already made up about ending it.

Not to go off-topic, but I once had a guy end it with me over text. The manner of break-up actually didn't bother me - in retrospect, the only thing that bothers me was that it was a tad cowardly of him. From my point of view, it saved me from him seeing me upset, etc. And I'm not a girl who has no self-respect.

Phonecall would be acceptable, IMO.