boyfriend told me he cheated on me

LegacyUser

my boyfriend of two years cheated on me , he said he did it the first few months of our relationship he said he did it once had sex with his ex while on drugs and drink . hes appoligizing and sh!t but i dont know what to do why tell me now like after so long? he said it was killing him deep down that he lied and that he betrayed me , I feel not angry but shocked and kinda had a feeling deep down he did,.

so were on a break now my heads so messed up , he asking to marry me,get a new number , move to oz etc... i really do love him but i feel so sick from the thought of why keeping it so long and why tel me now.

and so last night i went out with my friends to cheer me up and well i met one of there friends kinda went off and had sex with him which made me feel better but im confused about everything now . i thought i had a future with him , i still do think it just i dunno... help me

The Lovely Muffin

• Your boyfriend cheated on you with his ex and kept it from you for two years
• You go on a night out and 'kinda have sex' with one of your boyfriends friends

If I was you, I would just end the relationship. If he can cheat on you and not tell you and you can cheat on him, well that is no basis for a healthy, stable relationship, in my opinion.

I'd hope that you used protection when you cheated, if you didn't you'd want to go to your doctor for a check up and maybe even a pregnancy test.

When your boyfriend cheated on you, I hope he used protection, if he didn't, you both should visit your doctors for check up's.

I am a friend

Op this is going nowhere.... I would move onwards and upwards... In fairness, it would be harder to go back with him after both of ye sleeping around...

Squiggler

I'm with the two above, he made a mistake, now you've made things worse by getting revenge. Forget it and move on, and let him do the same.

ElleEm

He made a mistake in cheating on you but it was a long time ago. I am not excusing his behaviour but I cannot believe you went out and had sex with someone else while not even officially broken up. I doubt you can both move past this.

LegacyUser

hi thanks ya it is well and truely over just felt very hurt because i had always been there for him , been there when he was thrown out of home when he was put into mental hospitals i stuck by him when he was arrested for drunk driving i stuck through every court proceding for him . I did it in revenge and im happy i did . I want to enjoy being single for awhile then maybe who knows. i did use protection but he didnt he admitted so im going to a std clinic to make an appointment , i know revenge was wrong but i felt so betrayed

squonk

You're both a mess. He should have been upfront with you day 1. If he'd told you then what had happened then there'd be some way back. If he chose to keep it to himself for whatever reasons he had at the time, then the price to pay for that was living with that guilt and he should have known that he couldn't just introduce this fact down the road just for his own selfish motivation of easing the guilt.

You have a right to be upset and to go on a break but, seriously OP, sleeping with one of his friends defies logic. Grow up. What have you got for that bit of revenge now? Do you think you can just go back to your bf now and say, 'Hey, I forgive you for scoring your ex cos I scored one of your mates the other night!'.

Honest to god, getting married should be furthest thing from both your minds right now. Neither of you come across as very mature individuals. I can't see any hope for your relationship at this stage. You've both broken any trust that was there. I can't really see how you could pick anything up after that. Finish it and take some time out to examine what you've done wrong here and learn from it before you move onto a relationship with someone else.

LegacyUser

ah sorry it wasnt one of his friends it was of my bestfriends male friend. I feel immature but i needed it even if it seems bad but i was hurting and felt needed. I actually enjoyed being single for once i actually had done so much for him i stayed by his side when he was kicked out of home , i was there for him when he was put into a mental facilty , i was there for him when he got caught drink driving i did so much

fungun

well you had the moral high ground and have just lost it completely. You sound awfully immature to go and do something like that. Talk about tit for tat. Clearly it was eating him up, he probably felt he had to tell you before you got married. You are now at the point where you are talking about marriage, and then you can just cheat on him like that? In my opinion what you have done is probably worse as you are supposed to be emotionally committed at this point.

I dunno, perhaps you can both put this behind you as one cancels the other out, but if I was him Id be pretty pissed off with you...perhaps this situation will be taken out of your own hands so.

I am a friend

fungun wrote: »

what you have done is probably worse as you are supposed to be emotionally committed at this point.

This is a really good point.

msg11

I don't think she slept with one of his friends (if so then that's not a real friend at all, never cross the line into peoples ex's ever) but one of her friends guy friends.

Regardless, it's over. On a side note, sleeping around might be good at the time, but most people regret it and it makes them worse in the long run.

It's quite clear this 'break' should be a break up. If you break up and get back together then so be it. I wouldn't expect him to be happy at all or ever talk to you again if you slept with one of his friends.

Yeah Yeah Yeah

You both have a lot of growing up to do. Dont be hard on yourself. Take precautions always!

Don't even think about marrying him or anyone else for a good while.

Enjoy life. Be happy.

clarbar

i don't think the op means her boyfriends friend but her friends friend , i have been in the same situation , thought revenge would sort it out but no just move on with your life , if you happen to still love each other in a few months and if the relationship seems to be worth it then give it ago until then you need a good break for thinking time and etc..

Novella

If I were you, I'd move on from this relationship.

Firstly, he cheated on you. Being betrayed like that is bad enough but then he lied to you for a period of time and told you out of guilt. He told you to make himself feel better, not you. I would be long gone. There wouldn't even be a conversation, I'd cut my losses. Personally, I could not deal with that lack of respect and don't think anyone else should either.

The nail in the coffin was you sleeping with someone else though. I get it, even the playing field etc., but two wrongs don't make a right. The trust is broken and in my opinion, you would both be better off with other people, not constantly worrying if this will happen again.

dearg lady

I don't see how OP has done anything worse than the ex. He slept with his ex just cos he felt like it. She slept with a guy while on a break, cos she was incredibly hurt. Now I know sleeping with someone else is not a solution to the problem at hand, but she's done no worse than her ex! I would see it as not as bad to be fair, given the circumstances.
But anyway, Op I think you've realised it's not a good relationship, so I hope you find peace and happiness in the future.