His Ex suddenly on scene

77firstlast77

Hi everyone
Firstly thanks for taking the time to read this. I am a mixture of being soo upset and so annoyed that I dont know what to do and I would really appreciate your thoughts on this....
I am happily going out with my boyfriend for almost a year - (i am in my thirties just to put this in context )and we both seem very happy, we have talked about marriage and the future etc.

All was fine until today, when he was on phone driving, he says "Sorry X - X being his ex girlfriends name, I mean Y, i have to go. Then he calls back, knowing that i am upset and says oh she was on tip of my tongue cos i just met her in the shop. I was kind ok with that until he says he agreed upon meeting her to lend her his car cos she stuck for transport the next day and she could have his car when he in work cos he wouldnt need it then.... she needed a car with a big boot to move something (dont ask why she cant ask someone else or her "current boyfriend" or what she would have done if they hadnt of "bumped" into one another in the first place.

We have had an issue about an ex of mine already, which was nothing apart from his imagination running away with him. Since then however i have done nothing try to prove i have done nothing wrong with my ex even tho i didnt - leave my phone out so as i nothing to hide, tell him if i speak to him etc.
I am not being childish - i know everyone has a past, i dont expect him to air brush her out of his life, but why so "helpful" all of a sudden. When i said it upset me his attitude was so rude and hostile and basically f off im giving her my car anyway. He made no attempt to acknowledge that i was upset and did nothing to try to rectify it. he said he didnt want to upset me or her and that he would decide tomorrow what to do....! Talk about not taking my side. anyway he chose her so thats decision made i suppose...
I use his phone lately and all messages in and out have been deleated should i be angry or suspicious??

Wompa1

77firstlast77 wrote: »

Hi everyone
Firstly thanks for taking the time to read this. I am a mixture of being soo upset and so annoyed that I dont know what to do and I would really appreciate your thoughts on this....
I am happily going out with my boyfriend for almost a year - (i am in my thirties just to put this in context )and we both seem very happy, we have talked about marriage and the future etc.

All was fine until today, when he was on phone driving, he says "Sorry X - X being his ex girlfriends name, I mean Y, i have to go. Then he calls back, knowing that i am upset and says oh she was on tip of my tongue cos i just met her in the shop. I was kind ok with that until he says he agreed upon meeting her to lend her his car cos she stuck for transport the next day and she could have his car when he in work cos he wouldnt need it then.... she needed a car with a big boot to move something (dont ask why she cant ask someone else or her "current boyfriend" or what she would have done if they hadnt of "bumped" into one another in the first place.

We have had an issue about an ex of mine already, which was nothing apart from his imagination running away with him. Since then however i have done nothing try to prove i have done nothing wrong with my ex even tho i didnt - leave my phone out so as i nothing to hide, tell him if i speak to him etc.
I am not being childish - i know everyone has a past, i dont expect him to air brush her out of his life, but why so "helpful" all of a sudden. When i said it upset me his attitude was so rude and hostile and basically f off im giving her my car anyway. He made no attempt to acknowledge that i was upset and did nothing to try to rectify it. he said he didnt want to upset me or her and that he would decide tomorrow what to do....! Talk about not taking my side. anyway he chose her so thats decision made i suppose...
I use his phone lately and all messages in and out have been deleated should i be angry or suspicious??

It sounds like he still hasn't let go about you and your ex and so thinks he's probably paying you back in some way which is pretty immatire

77firstlast77

thanks for that - maybe your right. He was very angry and hostile over the whole thing and not prepared to try to rectify it in any way.

he borrowed my car while ago and next day i found contact lenses which he said blonged to one of the lads in work, even tho he working alone when i handed over the car and i got it straight back next morn so no opportuity to give any lad a life home in that time

also he had a rag to clean his car other day - was girls top, torn but said he got it in a bag of rags he bought for painting etc - is there such thing?!

Its against this background im getting so annoyed over what happened to day.

Should i just let it go and try forget about it or am i right to be angry. he wasnt taking it well and if i push him i feel it could be the end of things which would break my heart (yes, even after all my complaining about him!)

Wompa1

77firstlast77 wrote: »

thanks for that - maybe your right. He was very angry and hostile over the whole thing and not prepared to try to rectify it in any way.

he borrowed my car while ago and next day i found contact lenses which he said blonged to one of the lads in work, even tho he working alone when i handed over the car and i got it straight back next morn so no opportuity to give any lad a life home in that time

also he had a rag to clean his car other day - was girls top, torn but said he got it in a bag of rags he bought for painting etc - is there such thing?!

Its against this background im getting so annoyed over what happened to day.

Should i just let it go and try forget about it or am i right to be angry. he wasnt taking it well and if i push him i feel it could be the end of things which would break my heart (yes, even after all my complaining about him!)

You sure it was a girls top? if it was then I think you have some right to be concerned. Otherwise I'd let it go, especially if you want the relationship to last.

I'm in a situation at the moment with a girl who seems very un-trusting of me. I met up with a girl when we were broken up rather than meet her one night (she had broken up with me, I probably like your boyfriend am quite stubborn. I thought f**k it, she broke up with me, I don't owe her anything) I didn't get with this other girl, she was an ex girlfriend who had contacted me and was going through some tough times. Anyway myself and the current girl got back together and even though she says she accepts nothing happened with myself and my ex she is constantly looking for signs and dissecting every word I say.

I've said as much to her, but I think if it continues, I'm going to hit my breaking point and throw the relationship away. I definitely can't take being wrongfully accused for the rest of my life. If you don't trust him...then can you trust him again?...maybe that's his problem with you. Maybe you should bring it up with him about his problems with your ex. Tell him you don't mind him meeting up with his ex and that you trust him.

That would set the tone. He shouldn't have got out of hand about you and your ex, he should have trusted you. So you trusting him now should make him more at ease..

77firstlast77

yes it was a girls top - oasis, size 14 and all. Is there such thing as these rag bags like?!!

Sorry to hear your every move is being scruitinised - thats how things were with us for a significent time up to a while ago - some loose ends needed to be tied up re my last relationship, but as a result he reading into everything, questioning everything, checking my phone, setting traps try to trick me you name it. i know exactly how you feel its horrible watching your every move when you know you did nothing wrong

i am just so angry that i went to such efforts to prove nothing going on with my ex and he finally believed me and we starting to relax, and knowing how anxious it feels when you a little sus, that he turns around and thinks its ok to have that level of contact with his ex now and doesnt give a damn how i feel.

maybe i being unreasonable, but i told him i would never do anything regarding my ex that may jepordise us - i have dropped contact and blanked out a person that was in my life for a long long time to prove how i feel about him and who frankly didnt deserve to be blanked like that. but yet he thinks its ok to lend his car to her so casually like that. you dont just meet someone in a shop after not seeing them for months and ask to borrow car the nextday¬!

Wompa1

77firstlast77 wrote: »

yes it was a girls top - oasis, size 14 and all. Is there such thing as these rag bags like?!!

Sorry to hear your every move is being scruitinised - thats how things were with us for a significent time up to a while ago - some loose ends needed to be tied up re my last relationship, but as a result he reading into everything, questioning everything, checking my phone, setting traps try to trick me you name it. i know exactly how you feel its horrible watching your every move when you know you did nothing wrong

i am just so angry that i went to such efforts to prove nothing going on with my ex and he finally believed me and we starting to relax, and knowing how anxious it feels when you a little sus, that he turns around and thinks its ok to have that level of contact with his ex now and doesnt give a damn how i feel.

maybe i being unreasonable, but i told him i would never do anything regarding my ex that may jepordise us - i have dropped contact and blanked out a person that was in my life for a long long time to prove how i feel about him and who frankly didnt deserve to be blanked like that. but yet he thinks its ok to lend his car to her so casually like that. you dont just meet someone in a shop after not seeing them for months and ask to borrow car the nextday¬!

There is such a thing as a bag of rags..you don't buy a bag of rags. I assume a bag of rags would be for wiping off paint or grease or whatever. If his attitude has changed then that's more of an indicator than anything. If I was you I'd stick to my gut, you are feeling like something is up. I'd think it's better to be suspicious and have him prove you wrong then you ignore the feeling and get hurt twice as bad when you find out he was messing with that other girl

77firstlast77

well he has no sisters, cousins that he would have got the top off as a rag - plus the part i tried hard to believe was the fact that he claimed he paid 15 euro for 20kg bag of rags or something.....

at this stage, what can i do have said my part and he took the stand and said f off she getting car anyway. short of follow him to work tomorrow and spy on them there is nothing else i can do!!! as he will make out that im psycho if i bring this up again -thats even if he makes contact tommorrow which he prob wont to make me sweat it

sReq | uTeK

Come on now, contacts in the car, cleaning it with women clothes, arranging to meet the ex to give her a car with a big boot, god forbid he didn't miraculously bump into her in the shop what would she have done for a car.....

Ask yourself some serious questions here.

seeker11

I was in your situation once with the name of ex, coincidental things that I confronted him with, that he had all perfectly reasonable explanations for,and made me sound like a psycho for questioning seemingly innocent things. My advice would be to go with your gut feeling. I wish I did!

Juicyfruit

Hi OP,

Just on the bag of rags thing - my boyfriend buys them as he's always messing about with cars etc.. he had a half pair of girls tracksuit bottoms the other day and various other bits of clothing, bits of men's tshirts, tops etc that he uses from these bags. So on that part I think he's telling the truth.

I know too well in these situations that you will pick at anything that normally you wouldn't bat an eyelid at and be suspicious of everything.

Hope everything works out ok.

I am a friend

I delete all my messages for no reason however from your post I doubt he just bumped into her in a shop and offered his car. There may be more contact with her even if it's innocent. His anger towards you does lead me to think he is guilty of something even lying just About the level of contact.

I do always worry about people who are so paranoid snout their partner cheating as it's typically cos they are guilty of it or prone to it themselves... it's like they can't believe anyone can be faithful because they can't. contact lenses are definitely sus and as for the bag of rags :rolleyes:

silly

77firstlast77 wrote: »

yes it was a girls top - oasis, size 14 and all. Is there such thing as these rag bags like?!!

yes, there is, i think you can get them in small DIY/Paint shops.

Danniboo

So you two aren't even together a year and there's already this level of drama. Come on now, that's not healthy OP. He sounds like an ex of mine, one set of rules for him and entirely different ones for yourself. Getting rude and hostile when questioned about it, my advice get out now.

musicinyou

Op im really sorry to hear of your discomfort at this moment, It all sounds very strange to me to be honest suddenly bumping into your ex and the first thing she asks is can she borrow the car!!!? this a very big hmmmmmmmm

let me ask you this! Above everything what does your gut feeling tell you? Personally my gut feeling has never let me down!

I hope your doing better today and I hope you resolve your problem.

LegacyUser

You see yourself married and having a future with this guy ...really ????? Op if it was you and you hadn't seen your ex in a year and met them out of the blue would you really ask for their help there and then if you needed it? It seems to me he has obviously maintained some contact with her.
As another poster said its one rule for him and another for you. I'm shocked at his behaviour towards you when your ex surfaced. He treated you like crap and now you have your phone on display to show you have nothing to hide. He clearly wants to be in control - I think its time to say goodbye to him.