how long before you ask someone out

scarymoon1

i met a guy in a pub nearly 3 weeks ago now, we have been texting on and off during that time and he always was full of chat and asking questions. the problem is he has not suggested meeting up or asked me out. does it seem unlikely he will now? im getting bored of just texting.

Herrick

Well, why don't you ask him out?

scarymoon1

i think he might have confidence issues as he asked me to text him first after we met as he said girls never text back. i would ask him out but my best friend is very old fashioned and if she heard i asked him out she would make me feel pathetic and desperate

scarymoon1

scarymoon1 wrote: »

i think he might have confidence issues as he asked me to text him first after we met as he said girls never text back. i would ask him out but my best friend is very old fashioned and if she heard i asked him out she would make me feel pathetic and desperate

she doesn't sound like any friend to me
tell her to get a life and ask the guy out if you want to

scarymoon1

bluewolf wrote: »

she doesn't sound like any friend to me
tell her to get a life and ask the guy out if you want to

well not pathetic and desperate, she just thinks men always need to make the first move and always pay etc. god im 29 and worried about my friend, afraid of her sometimes. i need to trust my own instinct i think.

G-Money

No reason you can't ask him out.

Your friend's views seem "dated" to put it politely. I think the best thing you could do is to follow your own instinct and completely ignore her advice about this particular subject.

PS: Is there any chance she is single herself?

Passenger

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well not pathetic and desperate, she just thinks men always need to make the first move and always pay etc. god im 29 and worried about my friend, afraid of her sometimes. i need to trust my own instinct i think.

C'mon. It's not the 1930's. Are you trying to impress your friend or ask a bloke out? You can always tell her a little white lie if she asks you who did the asking.

So you've no excuse but to go and ask yer man out.

scarymoon1

G-Money wrote: »

No reason you can't ask him out.

Your friend's views seem "dated" to put it politely. I think the best thing you could do is to follow your own instinct and completely ignore her advice about this particular subject.

PS: Is there any chance she is single herself?

yes shes single. i guess ive nothing to lose as we cant just keep texting forever

G-Money

scarymoon1 wrote: »

yes shes single. i guess ive nothing to lose as we cant just keep texting forever

The only reason I asked was that part of me thinks perhaps she is jealous/threatened and possibly sabotaging your efforts, although perhaps not intentionally.

Anyway, you might as well go for it. The worst that can happen is that he says no and is that any worse than being in this state of limbo?

scarymoon1

G-Money wrote: »

The only reason I asked was that part of me thinks perhaps she is jealous/threatened and possibly sabotaging your efforts, although perhaps not intentionally.

Anyway, you might as well go for it. The worst that can happen is that he says no and is that any worse than being in this state of limbo?

she does have strong opinions on who i date, eg if the guy does one small thing wrong, straight away she says forget him, hes not worth it etc. but at the same time she tells me im a great friend and i deserve the best. my sister and other friends dont like her, they said she would stab u in the back for a guy. i duno.

P. Breathnach

I think you do know, but might find it hard to convince yourself.

It's your life, your choice.

Ask him.

G-Money

scarymoon1 wrote: »

she does have strong opinions on who i date, eg if the guy does one small thing wrong, straight away she says forget him, hes not worth it etc. but at the same time she tells me im a great friend and i deserve the best. my sister and other friends dont like her, they said she would stab u in the back for a guy. i duno.

Yeah, perhaps, anyway regardless of her true motives, her advice on this matter seems wrong. If you like the guy, ask him out. It's none of her business and if she doesn't like it, tough titty, she will get over it. If she doesn't, who cares.

Herrick

scarymoon1 wrote: »

i think he might have confidence issues as he asked me to text him first after we met as he said girls never text back. i would ask him out but my best friend is very old fashioned and if she heard i asked him out she would make me feel pathetic and desperate

He's probably shy and afraid of rejection. You would think the fact your texting him is enough of a signal, but some of us fellas can be very thick

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well not pathetic and desperate, she just thinks men always need to make the first move and always pay etc. god im 29 and worried about my friend, afraid of her sometimes. i need to trust my own instinct i think.

scarymoon1 wrote: »

she does have strong opinions on who i date, eg if the guy does one small thing wrong, straight away she says forget him, hes not worth it etc. but at the same time she tells me im a great friend and i deserve the best. my sister and other friends dont like her, they said she would stab u in the back for a guy. i duno.

No offence, but with those views, its no wonder shes single :rolleyes: Expecting a fella to always pay? Lots of fellas would tell her jog on. I know there are more than her that think this way, but those days are long gone. Think of all the missed opportunities some women have had waiting around for a fella to do the asking, there are a serious amount of great but shy lads about.

She sounds like a lovely person altogether, what with dictating who you should and shouldn't date and what constitutes you dumping a fella your seeing over. You say she tells you dump fellas over the smallest little things. Sorry OP, but the fact that your own sister and other friends don't like her paints a pretty bad picture. It actually sounds like she may jealous and trying to sabotage potential relationships on you...

Your right though, you need to trust your own instinct and you have nothing to lose Just ask him if he fancies meeting for a drink or something. For what its worth, it sounds like he'll be up for it

I hope it goes well

P. Breathnach

Herrick wrote: »

... some of us fellas can be very thick ...

A truth of which all women need to be aware!

scarymoon1

Herrick wrote: »

He's probably shy and afraid of rejection. You would think the fact your texting him is enough of a signal, but some of us fellas can be very thick





No offence, but with those views, its no wonder shes single :rolleyes: Expecting a fella to always pay? Lots of fellas would tell her jog on. I know there are more than her that think this way, but those days are long gone. Think of all the missed opportunities some women have had waiting around for a fella to do the asking, there are a serious amount of great but shy lads about.

She sounds like a lovely person altogether, what with dictating who you should and shouldn't date and what constitutes you dumping a fella your seeing over. You say she tells you dump fellas over the smallest little things. Sorry OP, but the fact that your own sister and other friends don't like her paints a pretty bad picture. It actually sounds like she may jealous and trying to sabotage potential relationships on you...

Your right though, you need to trust your own instinct and you have nothing to lose Just ask him if he fancies meeting for a drink or something. For what its worth, it sounds like he'll be up for it

I hope it goes well

i often did think shes jealous of me but then i think no way, shes my best friend, she wouldnt do that. she does have her own issues too though. yeah i might ask him out i think. i hope it doesnt scare him though as i know alot of guys have old fashioned views like my friend. il never know unless i ask i guess. by the way my friend has asked a few times has X contacted me, am i going on a date yet, who texts who first etc. she told me today that its not good he hasnt asked me out yet if a guy is not that way inclined he never will. she said dont worry, she has no luck with guys asking me out either. im just frustrated as i listen to her opinions too much i feel

Herrick

scarymoon1 wrote: »

i hope it doesnt scare him though as i know alot of guys have old fashioned views like my friend. il never know unless i ask i guess. by the way my friend has asked a few times has X contacted me, am i going on a date yet, who texts who first etc. she told me today that its not good he hasnt asked me out yet if a guy is not that way inclined he never will. she said dont worry, she has no luck with guys asking me out either. im just frustrated as i listen to her opinions too much i feel

Look at it this way, if you ask him you will finally know where you stand. If he says yes, its all good. If he says no, you won't have to waste your time on him anymore.

Just because he hasn't asked you doesn't mean he's not interested. As I've said he could be just shy.

scarymoon1

So I asked him today and he said yes

Glad to hear that OP
closing now as it's all sorted