Boyfriend just doesn't think

solarplexus

I'm in the horrors today... Myself and other half have been living together for 3 years now but have recently just moved house. I am always watching the funds and making sure we keep our heads above water. Before I went to bed last night I asked that he turn off heating before he came to bed. He comes up 2 hours later and I ask him did he turn it off. He said yes.

Woke up this morning with heating still on 11 hours later. I feel like screaming.. Had massive row with him and hes gone out for the day. I feel like I'm minding my pennys for him to blow my pounds.

That's beyond "not thinking" into "actively lying".
Does he know you are so concerned about finances? Have you sat down and discussed it with him?
Can you get a timer for your heating?

curlzy

Of course you're annoyed, he lied to you. That type of behaviour is passive aggressive, in fact it's the very definition of the term. His passive behaviour (i.e. lying, it's passive because it's not upfront) is negatively affecting you (financially), that's passive aggressive and extremely frustrating to have to deal with. People who are passive aggressive use "forgetting", "not understanding" or simple lying to do whatever they like and get away with it by looking hurt and saying "I forgot, I don't know why you're upset" and turning it back on you and making you feel guilty. Is he like that in other ways? I f*cking hate passive-aggression and it drives me mad, it's hand down the worst quality someone can have for me anyways. Most people will use it occasionally and that's understandable, we're all human, it becomes a real problem though when it's regular. If your BF is regularly driving you mad with this kinda thing I would suggest you google passive aggressive behaviour and learn how to deal with it.

solarplexus

curlzy wrote: »

Of course you're annoyed, he lied to you. That type of behaviour is passive aggressive, in fact it's the very definition of the term. His passive behaviour (i.e. lying, it's passive because it's not upfront) is negatively affecting you (financially), that's passive aggressive and extremely frustrating to have to deal with. People who are passive aggressive use "forgetting", "not understanding" or simple lying to do whatever they like and get away with it by looking hurt and saying "I forgot, I don't know why you're upset" and turning it back on you and making you feel guilty. Is he like that in other ways? I f*cking hate passive-aggression and it drives me mad, it's hand down the worst quality someone can have for me anyways. Most people will use it occasionally and that's understandable, we're all human, it becomes a real problem though when it's regular. If your BF is regularly driving you mad with this kinda thing I would suggest you google passive aggressive behaviour and learn how to deal with it.

I know why he lied, Our heating usually cuts off by itself after an hour if its up high but if not it wont. I know he was just too dam lazy to get back out of bed to turn it off in the hope of it turning itself off after an hour or so

P. Breathnach

solarplexus wrote: »

I know why he lied, Our heating usually cuts off by itself after an hour if its up high but if not it wont. I know he was just too dam lazy to get back out of bed to turn it off in the hope of it turning itself off after an hour or so

So, in essence, it was more stupid than bad?

Okay, you have a right to be a bit annoyed, but it seems to have become a bigger deal than that. Is that something that you should examine?

R.D. aka MR.D

It just sounds like a symptom of a bigger underlying issue that you may have with him. Do you think he is lazy?

Bubblefett

solarplexus wrote: »

I know why he lied, Our heating usually cuts off by itself after an hour if its up high but if not it wont. I know he was just too dam lazy to get back out of bed to turn it off in the hope of it turning itself off after an hour or so

Your first post made me think he was lying purposely and showed a really bad side. This messge makes me think he was just being a bit thick and taking a short cut, he figured the heat would turn itself off so it wasn't a big deal. Lazy yes, stupi yes, but not malicious or an act of defiance.

Is he aware of the finances? I mean has he sat down and looked at bills? In my exerience you can tell your partner you need to save money til your blue in the face- but it's only when they see the physical evidence that they pay attention

Stavro Mueller

I am always watching the funds and making sure we keep our heads above water.

and

I feel like I'm minding my pennys for him to blow my pounds.

What the two of you need to do is sit down with a pen and paper, a calculator, bank statements and bills and do some sums. Let him see the figures in black and white. How much is himself involved in the nitty gritty of the finances? I get the impression from the above quotes that you're the only one who's getting stressed about money. Either he doesn't give two hoots (which is a whole different issue) or he hasn't fully taken what you're saying on board. There might be a communication issue here. You're fully up to speed but is he? You can't assume anything.

Sometimes people don't *really* hear what others are saying. They filter out stuff that doesn't really interest them all that much. Much as we'd all like to think that our partners are hanging on our every word, they're not. Let's face it, herself going on about the heating is pretty mundane stuff. Chances are your boyfriend didn't think leaving the heating on was a big deal at all.