I hate my wife.

Peter147

Hi, Yes hate is a strong word to use but fits with how i feel about my wife. I am married 5 years and had 3 beautiful children ( all under the age of 4).

I never should have married her - deep down i knew i didnt love her like one should - but i went along with it and now have a very sad and difficult situation on my hands. My wife has turned into an unbearable person to live with - she is never happy, and horrible to be around. She is always cross and brings this out on the kids. She blames me for everything whenever anything goes worong. I could give hundreds of examples .. maybe in future post - for now i just want to say how i feel.

I love my children and thats why i have stayed in the marriage till now. We are still living together but for the last 3 months i have been sleeping in a spare bedroom - i cant bring myself to look at her - let alone touch her - i have grown to hate her - mainly becasue of the way she behaves with the children - snapping at them all the time. She has lots of "issues " from her own childhood that she has to deal with - but she has gone too far - i cant do anymore for her - i have to escape.

For years i was weighting up the pain of the breakup vs the pain of leaving the children/them having parents that are split ..... i feel that the situation isnt going to get better and i have to make the jump away from this marriage. Then there is what will the relations / grandparents thing , where will i live / what will the children think of me for leaving them etc.

One thing is for certain - i will be happy / delighted to be away from my wife - and devestated not to be with my children.

I havent been with other women , although she dosent thrust me and always assumes that i have when i go out. Because i dont love her and find her so impossible to deal with - i say very little to her. Im a broken man - i used to be the centre of teh party - creat fun to be with - but now i only go out to get away from having to sit near her when the kids go to bed ... and when i do go out i am lifeless ... the guy with the long face in the corner !!

I know what i have to do - i just cant bring myself to leave the children.

If anyone has had a similar experience maybe some guidence / advice might help - i cant think straight right now .. Thanks Peter.

bfocusd

Why do you assume you immediately have no caring towards the children, you mentioned several times you feel guilty to leave them, why not have shared custody? If you were really serious about caring so much for them you would bend over backwards to keep them around you and make it work for them. I wouldn't be one to say go for complete custody because they are so young and need their mother, that would be very traumatic to take that away from them.

Fair enough you are not in love with your wife, do you not think that the more distant you become the more agitated she becomes because she thinks she's loosing you?

How old is your youngest?

Also, coming from a 'broke home' I would much rather that, than to live in a house with no love and misery, children notice everything, it might seem normal now that mammy and daddy have their own bedrooms, but in the long run, they will question why it was dragged out for so long. Why you both just didn't decide to separate and be happy in yourselves, they are young too, if they were around 6/7 it would be harder to explain, plus the pressure from kids in school is upsetting for them too, hearing other kids talking about family days out etc.

LegacyUser

Peter147 wrote: »

Hi, Yes hate is a strong word to use but fits with how i feel about my wife. I am married 5 years and had 3 beautiful children ( all under the age of 4).

I never should have married her - deep down i knew i didnt love her like one should - but i went along with it and now have a very sad and difficult situation on my hands. My wife has turned into an unbearable person to live with - she is never happy, and horrible to be around. She is always cross and brings this out on the kids. She blames me for everything whenever anything goes worong. I could give hundreds of examples .. maybe in future post - for now i just want to say how i feel.

I love my children and thats why i have stayed in the marriage till now. We are still living together but for the last 3 months i have been sleeping in a spare bedroom - i cant bring myself to look at her - let alone touch her - i have grown to hate her - mainly becasue of the way she behaves with the children - snapping at them all the time. She has lots of "issues " from her own childhood that she has to deal with - but she has gone too far - i cant do anymore for her - i have to escape.

For years i was weighting up the pain of the breakup vs the pain of leaving the children/them having parents that are split ..... i feel that the situation isnt going to get better and i have to make the jump away from this marriage. Then there is what will the relations / grandparents thing , where will i live / what will the children think of me for leaving them etc.

One thing is for certain - i will be happy / delighted to be away from my wife - and devestated not to be with my children.

I havent been with other women , although she dosent thrust me and always assumes that i have when i go out. Because i dont love her and find her so impossible to deal with - i say very little to her. Im a broken man - i used to be the centre of teh party - creat fun to be with - but now i only go out to get away from having to sit near her when the kids go to bed ... and when i do go out i am lifeless ... the guy with the long face in the corner !!

I know what i have to do - i just cant bring myself to leave the children.

If anyone has had a similar experience maybe some guidence / advice might help - i cant think straight right now .. Thanks Peter.

Peter147 wrote: »

Hi, Yes hate is a strong word to use but fits with how i feel about my wife. I am married 5 years and had 3 beautiful children ( all under the age of 4).

I never should have married her - deep down i knew i didnt love her like one should - but i went along with it and now have a very sad and difficult situation on my hands. My wife has turned into an unbearable person to live with - she is never happy, and horrible to be around. She is always cross and brings this out on the kids. She blames me for everything whenever anything goes worong. I could give hundreds of examples .. maybe in future post - for now i just want to say how i feel.

I love my children and thats why i have stayed in the marriage till now. We are still living together but for the last 3 months i have been sleeping in a spare bedroom - i cant bring myself to look at her - let alone touch her - i have grown to hate her - mainly becasue of the way she behaves with the children - snapping at them all the time. She has lots of "issues " from her own childhood that she has to deal with - but she has gone too far - i cant do anymore for her - i have to escape.

For years i was weighting up the pain of the breakup vs the pain of leaving the children/them having parents that are split ..... i feel that the situation isnt going to get better and i have to make the jump away from this marriage. Then there is what will the relations / grandparents thing , where will i live / what will the children think of me for leaving them etc.

One thing is for certain - i will be happy / delighted to be away from my wife - and devestated not to be with my children.

I havent been with other women , although she dosent thrust me and always assumes that i have when i go out. Because i dont love her and find her so impossible to deal with - i say very little to her. Im a broken man - i used to be the centre of teh party - creat fun to be with - but now i only go out to get away from having to sit near her when the kids go to bed ... and when i do go out i am lifeless ... the guy with the long face in the corner !!

I know what i have to do - i just cant bring myself to leave the children.

If anyone has had a similar experience maybe some guidence / advice might help - i cant think straight right now .. Thanks Peter.

Peter,

I agree with the previous poster and would like to add my bit. I am truly sorry for what you are feeling but there are a number of things in this post that stand out to me.

The first are the three children all under 4!! This is very overwhelming and I am sure your wife's behaviour may be the cause of it. She is probably exhausted physically and mentally. How are you helping the situation with the children? Do you help around the house more? Even though I am a stay at home mam my husband has to help a great deal when he gets home or dinner is not going to be ready in time, and I can get a little irritated every once in a while. I do spend most of the day with them and having children running around can drive the most sane person insane! So yes it is very hard to be with children all day at home. I can imagine your wife is probably in need of some help and a break. This may reduce her bad moods. If not, it could be indicative on how she was raised which is something that she can only work through in therapy.

Why did you marry her in the first place? Was it because you felt like you had to? I am assuming she got pregnant first and you felt pressured to do the right thing?

What have you done about confronting her behaviour? Have you addressed your concerns? Her lashing out at the kids and at you? Or do you just get up and leave? Have you spoke to her about seeking some counselling? Maybe you can benefit as well. If she was able to sort herself out would you consider staying with her or would you still be adamant about your feelings towards her?

How and when did it go from love to hate? In what time span? What have you done about it? You need to think carefully what you really want to do about this. As far as the kids, I will be honest here. Peter, children are not stupid and very receptive. They know when their parents are miserable. It is a hell of a lot worse staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of the kids. Children only benefit from a healthy loving relationship between their mother and father.

There is not much more I can add to this and are all questions that you need to really think about and answer.

Payton

Hi OP, your not in a good place at the moment, but things can get better...only if you want them too.
It looks as if you have your mind set that the relationship has run its course and that's a strong emotion to come to terms with.
If its financially possible move out, its not a good environment for the children..or yourself.
You need to look after yourself now, eat well, plenty of exercise, surround yourself with family and friends. Maybe get some counselling for yourself.
It's going to be tough, very hard, but you will get there and be happier and stronger for the children.
Best of luck.

Baby75

Hey OP what about seeking help some couples counselling to may be sort out your problems, give it a shot, worth it if it doesn't work at least you tried!

you say you don't tell her how you feel, may be now is a good time to get the kids minded by some one and sit down and have a good chat. (if you haven't tried that all ready) feelings only get worse when you bottling it all inside, so fair play for taking the first step to saying how you feel.

She may be snappy and cross more than normal, because she knows every thing is not right between you and if she still loves you she will not be in a great place either.

If you try and it does not work and leaving is the best option! for you all then yes take that step! you both deserve to be happy and your kids will be better for it.

good luck!

StillWaters

3 children under 4! That must be totally exhausting for your wife. Its the biggest trial for any marriage when the children are that young.
I am concerned that you raise issues regarding her parenting of the children, yet you seem to be thinking about leaving her to it.

It sounds to me like you have totally disengaged from the marriage and any communication and intimacy with your wife. I think you need to be fair to her, and to your children and look at marriage counselling to see if there is anything worth saving.

iguana

If your biggest problem with your wife is how badly you feel she treats your children, why the hell are you contemplating leaving them to live with her? I'm sorry but your attitude makes me baffled and cross. If you were truly worried about your children how can you plan on leaving them alone in a situation you don't think is right for them? Do you think that will make it better for them? Honestly? Because I suspect it will make it worse. You just won't be around to see it.

Of course nobody should have to stay in a marriage they are truly unhappy in, especially if there is genuinely no hope of being happy in it again. But you are your children's father, they come first right now. If you really think their mother treats them badly, you do not leave them alone with her.

You need to set time aside to talk to your wife properly and tell her how you are feeling. Then just as importantly listen to her because I suspect she'll have a lot to say that you won't really like either. Then find a counselling service you both agree on. Even if the marriage is not salvageable a good counsellor will be able to help with the marriage break up and ensure your children's needs and rights are fully considered.

I am a friend

Have you spoken to her about her behaviour with the kids?

This hasn't happened overnight so why did you keep having kids with her?

LegacyUser

I doubt you hate your wife, but certainly you hate her behaviour.
You've been married 5 years& presumably dated for a couple of years beforehand....she can't be a complete stranger to you, and she can't always have been this horrible person (you're an adult, you did marry her, noone goes along with that just for the ride!)
And if you've family, it hasn't been an entirely celibate relationship?!
Having 3 kids under the age of 4 is incredibly difficult...body generally has been through the mill, hormones all over the place, wrecked tired, lack of confidence, ?no family support, and then on top of all that knowing you're gradually edging further and further away.
Her issues from her own childhood are not being projected on your children- and you say YOU have to get away? You're right when you say you simply cannot bail on 3 defenseless children. However badly you're coping, they haven't a chance, if left on their own with her. Basically, history will repeat itself& in 20 years time you'll have 3 mini-me's of your wife, as opposed to 3 children with traits from you both. The first 7 years of a childs' life, in particular, are crucial formative ones.
Get single& couples counselling. Failing that, accept you can't change her, only your reaction to her. If she chooses to be doom and gloom, you choose to be your usual happy self.

LegacyUser

You both need space, you from her, and her from the kids.
Arrange for her to spend a fortnight away, with friends/sisters/an unknown group, here in Ireland, abroad- wherever. As long as it's a break from the routine, and allows her time to recharge the batteries& get her head together. If at all possible, a retreat away in sunshine- you might get a good lastminute.com deal, especially at the moment as it's off peak season. Phrase it as "I think you deserve a break& I'm going to treat you to it" (try not to make it sound like a reward for her bad behaviour obv, and also not as a "this is a precursor to our divorce" holiday!)
You'll get to spend quality time with the kids (& if she's a stay at home mum, appreciate how difficult it can be minding 3 toddlers on your own), and on her return- hopefully- you should see some semblance of the woman you fell in love with all those years ago.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Be proactive, try everything you can, don't just be going out that door without trying your absolute damndest for your family.

Beetlebum

Your thread has made me so sad, even reading the title made me sad.

My dad told me years ago that he didn't love my mom and that he wished he'd never married her. He told me he thought she was crazy, a monster, a maniac and many other things. I was about 20 at the time and it broke my heart. She died shortly afterwards. God, it's just so sad.

If you don't love your wife then leave her but please take care of your wee kids. They are the victims in this, they're helpless and what you do affects them more then you may realise:(

Hi Peter147
I'm genuinely sorry you feel so sad about your life. The contents of this post aren't necessarily what you want or expect to read, but you say you feel hate towards your wife of 5 years, so you know deep down there's something wrong with the picture.
First of all, +1 100% on ytuiytiuy's suggestion that your wife needs a fortnights break - a pampering health spa would be appropriate as she could feel lonely on her own in a hotel, coming from such a busy family environment.
Have looked at some of your previous posts and this is the situation as I see it:
Your wife has given birth 3 times in 4 years - think of the effect that has had on her body and mind, the raging hormones, the changes to her shape, her skin, her lifestyle, her freedom! I don't think I'd ever make it out the front door with three children so young.
You have moved to a completely new town in the past few months,
Your eldest child may have an autistic spectrum disorder and that weighs heavily on any parents mind, the primary carer's almost constantly (from direct experience).
The fact that you "went along with it all" when it came to marrying her and are now disengaged from her (and possibly the children given that your solution to her mistreatment of them is to remove yourself so you don't have to witness it) would on its own cause severe distress.
Any one of these life changing events/situations is enough to drive a sane person over the edge. Aside from the fact that she could end up with major mental health issues, for the sake of your 3 children and your relationship, she needs time out.
When she returns from her break, she will need one or two evenings away from the house - Aura is a great facility in Trim where she could do aqua-aerobics or join the gym, or she could visit friends/family. She needs to be shown some appreciation for doing such a difficult job all day long and this would be a good beginning.
While she's gone you could do dinner, the baths and bedtime - opportunity to further bond with the children, in addition to a few loads of the mountains of laundry that accumulate around small children and whatever other household chores she didn't get around to because it's a full time job caring for 1 baby, nevermind 3!
Another thing you could find really helpful is to look for positives about her or things that she's doing right - for example, are the kids dressed? is some part of the house clean? did she manage to get to the shop that day? did she deliver or collect the eldest from pre-school? are there enough nappies, baby formula etc in the house? was dinner ready? are the kids rooms in some sort of ordered chaos? was any laundry done? did she have a tender moment with one of the kids in front of you? was there a clean cup so you could get a cup of tea/coffee? did she manage to pull a brush through her hair today? Believe it or not, even for a mum of one child the above are all achievements, and even minor victories!
The point of this exercise is not to patronise her by complimenting her about these things, but to help you to appreciate the more attractive parts of your wife's behaviour and activities.
Just to add, totally agree with other posters as regards marriage counselling. It can really help to either heal or end a relationship.
Maybe you'd also consider personal, 1 to 1 counselling for yourself. It can't hurt.
Wishing you all the very best with this situation, which I truly do appreciate is difficult for you too.

Sleepy

Why all the assumptions that the OP's wife is a stay at home mother? He doesn't state that anywhere in his post.

Also, try to remember how discriminated against men are in the family courts before lambasting the OP for not considering the possibility of being the primary carer. Our warped family law courts and constitution have it ingrained in Irish people that the mother must always be the primary carer, even in cases where the father is by far the more suitable parent. Unless one can prove the mother to be mentally unsound and a danger to the children, a man is unlikely to get anything beyond visitation rights with an overnight or two if he's lucky tbh.

Beruthiel

Peter147 wrote: »

i have grown to hate her - mainly becasue of the way she behaves with the children - snapping at them all the time.

Have you spoken to her about her behaviour towards the children?
That must be addressed. Otherwise they will grow up with their own set of problems.
Would it be worth her while seeing a professional about it?
Maybe both of you?
Is there a chance you could get things back on track?

For years i was weighting up the pain of the breakup vs the pain of leaving the children/them having parents that are split

Children aren't stupid Peter.
They know when their parents are unhappy, they see a broken relationship and if you continue as you are they will accept that relationship as normal.
Do you want them to think that this is what it is like to be in a long term relationship?
Children would prefer to see two separate, happy parents, then two miserable ones living under the same roof.
It also melted my head with regards to how a split up would affect my daughter. It didn't. She's a great, well adjusted girl.

Then there is what will the relations / grandparents thing

This is your life, not theirs. Their opinion doesn't count.

where will i live

Find a place close by.

what will the children think of me for leaving them etc.

They are all under 4, they will adjust quickly, but only if you see them regularly and consistently. Show your love to them and be a firm but fair parent.

Personally, I found the move difficult in the beginning. Not being able to see your child every day is difficult at first, but you adjust and as you become happier in yourself and start to love life again, this rubs off on them.
The first 6/12 months will be hard, but you will get through it and things will be great again.

At all costs, keep your children in the fore front of your mind with everything you do from now on and never criticize their mother in their presence.
Best of luck.

Danniboo

Peter147 wrote: »

Hi, Yes hate is a strong word to use but fits with how i feel about my wife. I am married 5 years and had 3 beautiful children ( all under the age of 4).

I never should have married her - deep down i knew i didnt love her like one should - but i went along with it and now have a very sad and difficult situation on my hands. My wife has turned into an unbearable person to live with - she is never happy, and horrible to be around. She is always cross and brings this out on the kids. She blames me for everything whenever anything goes worong. I could give hundreds of examples .. maybe in future post - for now i just want to say how i feel.

I love my children and thats why i have stayed in the marriage till now. We are still living together but for the last 3 months i have been sleeping in a spare bedroom - i cant bring myself to look at her - let alone touch her - i have grown to hate her - mainly becasue of the way she behaves with the children - snapping at them all the time. She has lots of "issues " from her own childhood that she has to deal with - but she has gone too far - i cant do anymore for her - i have to escape.

For years i was weighting up the pain of the breakup vs the pain of leaving the children/them having parents that are split ..... i feel that the situation isnt going to get better and i have to make the jump away from this marriage. Then there is what will the relations / grandparents thing , where will i live / what will the children think of me for leaving them etc.

One thing is for certain - i will be happy / delighted to be away from my wife - and devestated not to be with my children.

I havent been with other women , although she dosent thrust me and always assumes that i have when i go out. Because i dont love her and find her so impossible to deal with - i say very little to her. Im a broken man - i used to be the centre of teh party - creat fun to be with - but now i only go out to get away from having to sit near her when the kids go to bed ... and when i do go out i am lifeless ... the guy with the long face in the corner !!

I know what i have to do - i just cant bring myself to leave the children.

If anyone has had a similar experience maybe some guidence / advice might help - i cant think straight right now .. Thanks Peter.

I don't get this? How can you be weighing up the decision based on your children for years when they are all less than 4 years old? Lets presume the oldest is 3 and a half, you then went and had 2 more children given it takes 9 months to carry a child you have obviously slept with this woman in the last year or two. How long have you been feeling this way OP? Do you help your wife out with the kids?

Dancer656

I was just wondering if your wife has ever seen a counsellor to help her deal with her "issues". It's not easy to understand what a person is going through or how they feel when they are dealing with such issues. As others have suggested, it might be a good idea to go to couples counselling.

If you're not happy then this is not a good relationship to stay in. Children can easily pick up on such tension which isn't a healthy environment for them to be in.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

snafuk35

Peter147 wrote: »

Hi, Yes hate is a strong word to use but fits with how i feel about my wife. I am married 5 years and had 3 beautiful children ( all under the age of 4).

I never should have married her - deep down i knew i didnt love her like one should - but i went along with it and now have a very sad and difficult situation on my hands. My wife has turned into an unbearable person to live with - she is never happy, and horrible to be around. She is always cross and brings this out on the kids. She blames me for everything whenever anything goes worong. I could give hundreds of examples .. maybe in future post - for now i just want to say how i feel.

I love my children and thats why i have stayed in the marriage till now. We are still living together but for the last 3 months i have been sleeping in a spare bedroom - i cant bring myself to look at her - let alone touch her - i have grown to hate her - mainly becasue of the way she behaves with the children - snapping at them all the time. She has lots of "issues " from her own childhood that she has to deal with - but she has gone too far - i cant do anymore for her - i have to escape.

For years i was weighting up the pain of the breakup vs the pain of leaving the children/them having parents that are split ..... i feel that the situation isnt going to get better and i have to make the jump away from this marriage. Then there is what will the relations / grandparents thing , where will i live / what will the children think of me for leaving them etc.

One thing is for certain - i will be happy / delighted to be away from my wife - and devestated not to be with my children.

I havent been with other women , although she dosent thrust me and always assumes that i have when i go out. Because i dont love her and find her so impossible to deal with - i say very little to her. Im a broken man - i used to be the centre of teh party - creat fun to be with - but now i only go out to get away from having to sit near her when the kids go to bed ... and when i do go out i am lifeless ... the guy with the long face in the corner !!

I know what i have to do - i just cant bring myself to leave the children.

If anyone has had a similar experience maybe some guidence / advice might help - i cant think straight right now .. Thanks Peter.

You married her didn't you? For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health etc etc etc? That's what marriage vows mean. If you are serious about trying to solve this then you will have to talk to her about this just like you have posted on this thread.
If not then you will have to walk away then.
You don't have easy options either way and you are just going to have confront it and stop hiding and deal with it.
You admit you have a problem and you want to solve it and you don't know how so you will need outside help to get through it.
Whether you walk away or stick it is up to you but there is no either/or.
Whatever you do is going to be difficult.
Igoring it and putting it on the backburner like you have for 5 years is not going to solve it.
You can't unmake those children. They need you in their life as well as their mother and they need to live in a happy home whether you are both together or not.
Your happiness and her happiness come second to your kids.
You have been avoiding this by hiding in the other room and hating rather than doing something about it.
You need to snap out of it and do it now - right or wrong you must make a decision.

Crea

OP - the first thing say is that alot of groundwork has to be put in place in case you do decide to leave.

Your wife snapping at you and the kids is a sure sign that she is under pressure. I know because I was there. I think in my very muddled mind I thought that my husband would see that I was drowning and would help out but instead he withdrew. Luckily I had a good friend who I could talk to. I also had issues from my childhood so off to therapy I went and I have to say it changed my whole life. I'm a much better at coping and I tell my husband when i'm under pressure instead of taking it out on the kids and hope he notices.

My parents split when I was in my late teens but I had much younger siblings. My parents had completely withdrawn from each other and my mother would explode at us for the smallest of things. When my father left we were essentially left to deal with my mothers behaviour alone, we had no one to protect us from it. My mothers behaviour was caused by her being overwhelmed and isolated so being left with 6 children only made her behaviour worse. I have to say her behaviour after my father left caused lasting damage to the younger siblings.

It's the same with your wife. Leaving her with 3 children under 4 to deal with alone could leave her feeling more under pressure and depressed thus worse behaviour towards the children. It isn't your job to fix her but certainly you could help if you just open the lines of communication for the sake of your kids. Something along the lines of "You seem under pressure. What is on your mind? What do you need?" 1 week away isn't going to solve her problems. Once you open the lines of communication you can suggest going to therapy to deal with her under-lying issues. You can't just leave your children to deal with their mothers behaviour. Either help her get sorted out or take them with you.

Nothingbetter2d

something you might want to consider.... some women get post natal depression after having kids... coupled with the stress of rearing 3 young children this can have a devastating effect on a person.

you should talk to her and if possible ask her to go with you to council-ling for both your marital issues and for her stress problems and if she does suffer from depression have her talk to a depression Councillor.

amtc

I don't think that it is your wife who has the problem. It sounds like you

Where is the 'I take my kids out', 'I make my wife feel attractive', 'I give her a break'

nowyouresix

Sorry if I sound harsh here Peter, but man up. Your wife is stressed to the hilt, overwhelmed and probably constantly exhausted. You get a break by going out, while she stays in. She probably resents your guts. You made the decision to have children,you were actively involved in their being! Get professional help for you both ,go to your GP. You seem to have made your mind up about your relationship with her already, but don't be too hasty to bail. Having three children so young at once is an incredible strain, but this passes.
Good luck.

Morag

have ye considered doing parenting classes?

Paddycrumlinman

I think most of you are being very harsh on the OP Peter. Your all bashing him as the bad one here. He says he hates his wife but you are all jumping on him because of how he feels?

Maybe the OP had more kids with his wife in the hope she would change or maybe make things better. Maybe his wife is never happy and won’t do anything about it. Maybe Peter has given her everything including himself to the situation and she takes and take. Maybe she is simply a selfish bitch, we don’t know. Hopefully Peter will pipe back in and answer some of the questions.

What has pissed me off in this situation is the comments, ah.. she is at home with 3 kids, ah, sure she is a house wife a sure she is a woman and we have to allow for allowances because she is female. My point is, I’m sick to my back teeth of society always picking up for the Woman no matter what.

I’ve known guys with Wife’s and they were complete bitches and always will be. The more the guys did for their Wifes the more the expected. When the guys copped on, and years may have passed and they realized this woman is taking me for a Ride and the lads try to solve the issue with their demanding wife’s and that’s when the real fun and games happen.

Look, the guy has had enough, many a good point made on this thread, but come on guys, stop slating the Dude because he’s a man and stop automatically taking the woman’s side because, well she’s a woman. Men and society need to balls up to the old age game of the Woman is the hurt party just because she is female. There are many a bad man out there but I have seen many a good man ruined because of Women and simply because of the way Society views women.

Good luck OP.

LegacyUser

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

I think most of you are being very harsh on the OP Peter. Your all bashing him as the bad one here. He says he hates his wife but you are all jumping on him because of how he feels?

No. People are questioning the OP on this because he has given no indication as to why he hate his wife other than she snaps at the kids.

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

Maybe the OP had more kids with his wife in the hope she would change or maybe make things better. Maybe his wife is never happy and won’t do anything about it. Maybe Peter has given her everything including himself to the situation and she takes and take. Maybe she is simply a selfish bitch, we don’t know. Hopefully Peter will pipe back in and answer some of the questions.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Anyone who has more children in the hopes of making their wife change needs to have their head read. The OP appears to have completely ignored his wife’s position in this scenario, as have you. There are 3 children under the age of 4. The OP has not told us what he does to help with his own children. He’s talking about leaving her because of how she treats the children and yet he has no intention of trying to take his children with him. You don’t see anything wrong with that?

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

What has pissed me off in this situation is the comments, ah.. she is at home with 3 kids, ah, sure she is a house wife a sure she is a woman and we have to allow for allowances because she is female. My point is, I’m sick to my back teeth of society always picking up for the Woman no matter what.

Complete and utter bollox. Nobody has said or implied that allowances need to be given because she is female. Where on earth are you getting that from?? Most people are responding to the fact that there are 3 children under the age of 4 and the OP has not considered the stress and exhaustion involved in looking after them. YOU have made this a gender issue, nobody else.

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

I’ve known guys with Wife’s and they were complete bitches and always will be. The more the guys did for their Wifes the more the expected. When the guys copped on, and years may have passed and they realized this woman is taking me for a Ride and the lads try to solve the issue with their demanding wife’s and that’s when the real fun and games happen.

That is relevant how exactly? Whatever issues you have with women has no place here tbh.

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

Look, the guy has had enough, many a good point made on this thread, but come on guys, stop slating the Dude because he’s a man and stop automatically taking the woman’s side because, well she’s a woman. Men and society need to balls up to the old age game of the Woman is the hurt party just because she is female. There are many a bad man out there but I have seen many a good man ruined because of Women and simply because of the way Society views women.

Christ...

Again, this is not about men vs women and nobody on this thread, apart from you, has made it men vs women. The fact that , just like the OP, you can’t even consider what 3 children under the age of 4 would do to anyone (male or female) who has to look after them 24/7 with little help from their partner, speaks volumes. Then take into account the fact that for the last few years the OPs has been continuously pregnant. Think of the physical and emotional toll that must have taken. Now take into account the fact that her partner still goes out with his friends while she is left at home with the kids. The replies the OP has received isn’t about gender and again you clearly have some issues to deal with there, but its about lack of information in the OP and the lack of consideration he seems to have for her position.

RandyMann

Im not really surprised that the OP has not posted here since, its over 2 weeks. Probably afraid to now.
Dont blame him really. Its kind of a unfriendly place this for guys who are looking for help when they are subjected to accusations and presumptions.
Maybe innocent till proven guilty would be a better approach here.

Ickle Magoo

Post deleted.

Right - as this has turned into general observations, presumptions and generalisations rather than mature, civil and constructive advice directed at the OP I'm locking the thread.

Can poster please ensure they read the charter prior to posting in this forum, post with the best interests of the OP in mind and report posts you have an issue with rather than trying to direct the thread/flame or back-seat mod...all of which are against forum/site rules.

OP if you ever feel like you want to venture back into this thread then please let one of the PI mods know in confidence.

All the very best.