Got it bad

LegacyUser

I am a mess. I invested too much into a relationship too early on and got burned. I am finding it so hard to move on. I keep holding out hope for something like a change of heart and it is tearing me apart and keeping me from moving on properly. I feel silly for being like this. I just can't get off this page, I am afraid and in despair and quite low. I wish I wasn't so affected but I really felt something for someone in the first time in ages and now I can't stop mulling on how things went wrong. What can I do and is there ever any use in hanging on.

Beetlebum

Aw, I know how you feel OP but trust me you'll feel better given time.

When my ex broke up with me (I found out he'd been cheating, confronted him, he admitted it and then told me he was still seeing her and dumped me!!) my world fell apart. I thought I'd literally never feel happiness or joy again.

Now I'm brand new and couldn't give a toss about him. I am 100% over it and that's something I never thought I'd say or feel.

Time really is the key. I think mulling over why it went wrong is only natural but it's not very healthy. Acceptance is the first step towards moving on. Accept that it's over, mourn what you had or thought you had, feel all the awful emotions and then DECIDE you're moving on.

You have to dust yourself off and put it behind you. I know it's easier said then done but I'll tell you what I did and see if it helps.

1) I erased him from my life and swore never to speak to him again. I have stuck to this. He has emailed me and I've blocked his address and deleted the mail. I wouldn't say hi to him if he passed me in the street. He no longer exists in my world.

2) I got a really funky new haircut. I dyed my hair and bought some lovely new clothes. I hit the town with my friends and flirted (and slept!) with lots of great guys. This really did help me.

3) I thought about all the millions of people in the world and rationalised that I'm bound to meet at least one other person as special to me as my ex was. In reality, I've met alot more then that!

4) I stopped romanticing the relationship and him. If we/he were that amazing then we'd still be together. we weren't great at all and looking back I can't believe how many of his flaws I overlooked and how much sh*t I put up with!

5) I moved to a new country. In fairness thsi wasn't because of him it's because I wanted to but it certainly helped knowing that there is an ocean between us!

6) I listened to music and cried if and when I felt like it. Think of all the love songs you've heard. Everybody goes through break ups and we all eventually get over it.

It's hard OP. Mine was a few years ago but i will never ever forget the pain it caused me. I lost my job over it. I couldn't face going to work. I used to sit on the Dart listening to Jeff Buckley in floods of tears. I didn't care that people were staring at me. I was devastated. I just stopped going to work then. i didn't even care when i got fired, nothing mattered to me.

Like I said, now I'm happy again and in some ways I'm glad i went through all that. I learned alot and I'm stronger for it.

Chip up kiddo, you're going to be alright!!

LegacyUser

Thank you sunflower27 and beetlebum for your messages.

I know time heals. I am in a vulnerable spot at the moment and keep wondering if I did the right thing. I have been through a few break-ups before and I know cutting contact is the best way forward. I just feel differently about this one and I am indulging too much in the 'what if' thoughts. It is strange how things ended up this way. I am not used to feeling so bad about a situation or a person.