want a casual relationship

LegacyUser

Hi...
I said I'd seek some advice about a bit of trouble and confusion I've been having with a guy. Basically, I met a guy about 2 months ago and at the start it was pretty much perfect he'd just text me a bit and we'd kiss when we were at parties and that would be that. We never really met up on our own or anything. For me it was perfect. I really don't want a relationship right now and to be honest he's not really the relationship type.
About a month into this "kind of not really a relationship" he just stopped texting me. We have the same mutual friends so I see him quite a bit and whenever I do he is seriously flirty and we still kiss/score at any parties we go to.
I know I am probably making things complicated but I now kind of miss his texts. I guess I would like the best of both worlds; no committment but maybe a bit more contact. I would even like to meet up with him sometimes. It just seems pointless and a bit childish scoring and then nothing happening. He already told me he can't let it go anywhere because he finishes college this year and is moving away. That is completely fine with me but I don't see why we can just have a relaxed relationship untill then.
Do you think maybe he's just not at all interested in me?
Or would it be ok to text him?
I probably should point out that I have never had sex with him but we have done other stuff and I never want to go the full way with him even though he always wants to. I don't have to be in a relationship for sex but I would like to be sure that he likes and respects me before I do.
Apologies for the extremely long winded way of asking my question! basically I just want to see if people think it is understandable that I would want a bit more of a relationship? And if so how would i go about saying this to him? Just make the first contact?

P. Breathnach

To sum up:
1. You both agree that there is no question of an enduring relationship.
2. You want more interpersonal contact than he has been willing to give.
3. He wants more physical involvement than you have been willing to give.

It looks to me as if this goes nowhere.

dr gonzo

To compound P. Breathnach's post. What I take from your post OP is that by the decision of one or both parties there is no possibility of a emotional or physical relationship of any kind, and whatever you could get out of it will be finished in a couple of weeks anyway...?

I'm not really sure what youre after but, from the guys point of view, my guess is he stopped texting because he knows theres no relationship or sex to be had (not to stereotype the guy) and thus sees no real reason to carry on.

Dolly Daydreams

not to paint the guy in a bad light, he may well not be. But I do think that maybe after the texting and kissing and you guys not sleeping together he's not 'wasting his time' on texting you. Could be completely wrong, but if it was me in your shoes, that's what I'd think

Wompa1

He's not interested and you don't want anything of substance anyway. Move on and let it go

Canluum

I don't understand, you want him to enter a sex-less commitment-less relationship with you. And you're wondering why he's not lavishing you with attention?

vague 1111 wrote:

It just seems pointless and a bit childish scoring and then nothing happening.

He's probably thinking the exact same thing! "She wants a casual relationship, but the physical side never progresses." He's obviously attracted to you if you keep scoring at parties, but the fact you also keep applying the brakes would make anyone lose interest. You've stopped it progressing and he's just reacting to that.

This isn't a gender thing either... Put the shoes on the other foot, you're interested in a casual relationship where you really want to sleep with a guy (like you really really want the ride), but he'll just kiss you but always stop when you try to take it further. After a month or two of this futility would you keep texting him??? I don't know many women who would... and (in the case of men) some would go as far as to question his sexuality and masculinity.

Testing the waters by texting him something random and/or funny is fine... but telling him you want him to text you more is a terrible idea, it reeks of neediness and just make him avoid you. Why do you need him to text you? And about making sure he respects you before you sleep with him... it's been a few months have you not made a decision on that one way or the other? I would have thought a few days would have been sufficient to figure that one out.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies.
I guess it is all a bit silly. To be honest, I would be willing to bring it further with him physically. I'm just worried about it for a few reasons. First off I'm younger than him (three years between us) so i suspect he's a good bit more experienced and also I just don't want to hop into bed with anyone. I know I said I wanted a casual thing but that doesn't mean I don't want to know that he genuinely likes me, so I think if he went to the trouble to actually text me it would show he maybe liked/respected me.
replies are very helpful though!

Kimia

OP let's be honest here. Its clear as day that you want a relationship with this guy. You have said that you miss his texts when he's not in touch, that you want more contact, that you want to meet up (and not just in clubs) and that you'd be willing to have sex with him but don't want him to think you'd sleep with anyone, so you care about how he sees you.

What's so wrong with admitting that you like him and want something more? Why don't you just say that to him? At least then if he says 'no i'm not interested' you can move on.