Age and Relationships

LegacyUser

Hi there. I've just started to date a guy (I'm gay) who is 10 years older than me. I'm in my early 20s, he's in his early 30s. We seem to have many similar interests and we get on very well. He's far more experienced in a lot of things than me (obviously). I'm still in college, he has a job but goes to college part time. I'm not well "grounded", so to speak, but neither is he really - we're still working on our respective careers.

I'm just interested to know, what are the chances of a relationship with such an age-gap working? I've often admired men who were slightly older than myself as they're more mature, steady and respectful, or so it seems. I'm not really a fast paced guy at all, and I look with slight disdain at the "wham bam" mentality/culture of some gay guys my age (though I know that's not universal).

If people want to share some of their own experiences and some tips, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!!

LegacyUser

WonderingSoldier wrote: »

Hi there. I've just started to date a guy (I'm gay) who is 10 years older than me. I'm in my early 20s, he's in his early 30s. We seem to have many similar interests and we get on very well. He's far more experienced in a lot of things than me (obviously). I'm still in college, he has a job but goes to college part time. I'm not well "grounded", so to speak, but neither is he really - we're still working on our respective careers.

I'm just interested to know, what are the chances of a relationship with such an age-gap working? I've often admired men who were slightly older than myself as they're more mature, steady and respectful, or so it seems. I'm not really a fast paced guy at all, and I look with slight disdain at the "wham bam" mentality/culture of some gay guys my age (though I know that's not universal).

If people want to share some of their own experiences and some tips, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!!

Ah sure that's not that big of an age gap! I personally don't see why it can't work but it all depends on the two of you.

I'm in my early twenties and find no attraction to guys my own age. For the past 7 months or so I've been chatting to a guy online that is about 26 years older than me! We just seemed to click though and get on very well together. Actually we're even friends on facebook now which mightn't seem like a big deal but I'm not fully out yet and am always wouldn't be great at trusting people so giving him a direct link to my personal friends was quite significent for me. Unfortunately though he's in the US so while it gives me another incentive to head over stateside during the summer, the chances of me getting to meet him any time soon aren't great. Did I mention he's ridiculously handsome?

cartell_best

You need to go with what you feel. Life in the gay world is by no means easy, if you meet someone that you basically "click" with, then go for it. We're all living in a time where "taboo" is gradually becoming extinct. The trouble with a lot of things in our lives is we don't trust our instincts enough. Don't allow the opinions of others influence what you genuinely feel is right. Trust me, if you don't go with your gut feeling...you'll end up wondering..."what if" and "fook, why didn't I just go with it".

And that comes from experience......

Conor30

Interesting thread.

I think a relationship with such an age gap could still work, provided you both put your relationship first.
You need to remember that there'll be a few extra challenges, such as the age gap between your respective sets of friends and possibly even siblings, etc. A 10 year age gap means you have both grown up in different decades and all that this entails.

The main thing is to take things slowly and see where it takes you. Don't be too intense or try to be too clingy. As a 30-something, he's probably used to having his freedom and enjoys it too.

When did the two of you start dating?

JH_raheny

10 years is nothing really, I'm 38 and my bf is 60, we've been together over 10 years and yes sure we have our differences but the age itself has really never ment anything, all relationships takes work

oisindoyle

If you are both having fun ,like each other, respect each other ,then go for it .
An age difference only becomes a problem if you make it one ,
Dont over analise your relationship ,just enjoy it for what it is and be happy .
Congrats

Conor30

JH_raheny wrote: »

10 years is nothing really, I'm 38 and my bf is 60, we've been together over 10 years and yes sure we have our differences but the age itself has really never ment anything, all relationships takes work

I think your case is different in that you're both nearly 40+. You're both mature, fully grown and able to handle life's situations.

A man in his early 20s could still have some growing up to do and be far less mature than a 30-something year old. Not necessarily saying this applies to the OP.

Of course the OP's relationship could still work.

Nyan Cat

age matters less the older you are. obviously it matters in your teens but theres a big difference between a 15 year old and a 19 year old emotionally, intelectually and maturity etc. even so thats not an unacceptable age gap because it really depends on the poeple involved. Are they ready? on the same wavelength? Emotionally mature? etc. Likewise older peoplde may be less emotionally mature than the younger person. if you see what im getting at.
my point is each case is different, there are no real rules apart from social convention and attitudes.

if its right for you both and you both work at it (every relationship needs work) there is no reason why its not possible.

kisaragi

Conor30 wrote: »

I think your case is different in that you're both nearly 40+. You're both mature, fully grown and able to handle life's situations.

A man in his early 20s could still have some growing up to do and be far less mature than a 30-something year old. Not necessarily saying this applies to the OP.

Of course the OP's relationship could still work.

Yes, but they've been together for 10 years so he was only in his late 20s when they started.

OP, I will be turning 23 in May and my boyfriend is turning 54 this year... 10 years is no big deal! While it's not always as easy (I had a lot of trouble with my family over my interest in older men - which I understand), if you really like the guy then at least give it a chance! It can be tricky being at different stages in life, but I think if you're cognisant of potential problems you should be able to work through them. For me, it means I might have to give up things like opportunities to travel for long periods and need to be more career focused at an earlier stage, whereas a lot of people my age are going to south america for a year or whatever. Also we have some different values so we have to compromise a little that way. Even simple things like I tend to get up and travel out to him more than he will come out to my house since I find it easier to get up the extra hour earlier in the morning, where as being 53 he needs his beauty sleep a little more haha.

Anyway not to ramble, but I do believe that relationships with a large age difference can work out. I'll be moving in with my boyfriend on our anniversary in July so I certainly hope it can work anyway! Of course it presents its own set of challenges but most relationships I know certainly aren't straight forward anyway