Stinky Friend!

coffeeandshoes

Ok ladies so I have a friend who refuses to wear deodorant because, “she doesn’t sweat”. She’s twenty four and I’ve spent the last few years trying every method I could to convince her to try some roll on. :eek:

I’ve tried gifting it to her, explaining to her that yes, she does sweat and should try some and nothing seems to work.

It’s gotten to a point now that it’s slightly embarrassing when we go out for me.... My parents and partner don’t like having her in the car in summer. I guess she does like to wear leather jackets allot too which doesn’t help the problem...

I don’t want to ditch the poor girl as a friend because of it as she doesn’t really have any other friends except for me.... Any advice ladies? :P

ihsb

You have hinted and it hasn't helped. I think brutal honesty is the only way forward.

messrs

if it were the other way round, and someone had to tell you, how would you like to hear it? its never easy to hear unpleasant things about yourself but i always try to put myself in their position and think how i would like it said to me
you have tried hinting and that hasnt worked - maybe you do need to be honest but try been tactful aswell - not an easy situation for you i know.
could you tell her a 'storey' about someone in work/college & see if she picks up on that?

Neyite

Just because she does not wear deoderant, does not mean she should smell. My aunt has never worn it in her life, nor perfume but washes frequently - showers daily and face/armpits at night. All you ever smell off her is soap when you hug her.

Your friend smells because she does not wash as often as she should. Even a quick rub with a baby-wipe halfway through the day would help.

Tell her straight. Dont be overly cruel, but be clear.

Nyan Cat

I agree you need to gently tell her she needs to wash more. Maybe mention that it's what affects social situations.
When I was 12 I still bathed weekly (as kids then did) and just used the odd basin to wash. I hated showering really.

My aunt asked me one day when was the last time I showered. When I told her she said my hair would benefit from a more frequent wash.
I wasn't a stinker but I wasn't smelling of roses and she was tactful. I love showers n baths since. One if the things I hated about them was how dry my skin was after so I use moisturiser all over my body afterwards. It really helps.

I'd suggest gently trying to get to the source of why she doesn't wash enough. It can't just be she doesn't think she sweats. Though I'd put that simply 'everyone sweats. Not all sweat is wet but all sweat has a scent'

Wibbs

More suited to here coffeeandshoes

xzanti

Maybe start referring to a fictitious classmate who really smells and how everyone is talking about her behind her back.. and then spark up a conversation about personal hygiene with her.. Get her thinking!!

And if that doesn't work then I think you'll have just be cruel to be kind and say it to her..

Brutal honesty works best.

Moon Indigo

Hard one...you have probably tried this but I would be casual and say some work collegue/friend/family or something birthday is coming up and you want to buy her some perfume or a nice set as she is really into that and always says how nice and important it is to smell great then ask her would she mind helping you?

The next step would be to get her to one of the big stores and just spend time allowing her to pick up scents she likes. When she finds one she really likes say how much it suits her then without her knowing buy it for her. It's expensive but two fold effect. It means she has said she likes it and will probably more likely to wear it plus she may feel under obligation to as you brought it as a surprise. If tact dosen't work I am afraid brute honest is all that's left but be gentle if she is true friend she will know you aren't being spiteful just to hurt her.

Nyan Cat

I think the perfume thing is a nice idea. But it seems to be washing that needs tackling more, you could buy the shower gel version of the perfume I suppose!

Stavro Mueller

Buying toiletries and dropping hints only works if the person themselves knows about personal hygiene and is just that bit lax about things. This girl doesn't believe that she sweats in the first place :eek:

I think you have no choice but to take her aside and tell her as gently as you can that she has a little problem and that you've noticed a smell. Tell her that you're doing it out of concern for her and that if the roles were reversed, you'd hope that she'd take you aside and do the same thing. There is no easy way to tell her unfortunately but just try to be as direct as possible.

I am a friend

How can she not smell herself?

Neyite

sunflower27 wrote: »

I think people get immune to it.

I remember being in the queue at the supermarket once and a woman stood behind me and reeked.

I was in another queue the other day and suddenly this smell wafted over, I turned around and it was the same woman. I think they just notice, or just don't care.

Thats exactly it - they become accustomed and dont smell it anymore. Its the very same as if you wear the same perfume for years and years. Over time you get used to it and dont smell it so spray on more and more gradually, gassing others in the process

I know when I smoked, I couldnt smell it. It was only when I quit the fags and woke up after a night out with the smell of smoke on my hair from the pub that I finally smelled it.

Neyite

Neyite wrote: »

Just because she does not wear deoderant, does not mean she should smell. My aunt has never worn it in her life, nor perfume but washes frequently - showers daily and face/armpits at night. All you ever smell off her is soap when you hug her.

Your friend smells because she does not wash as often as she should. Even a quick rub with a baby-wipe halfway through the day would help.

Tell her straight. Dont be overly cruel, but be clear.

That's just not true. Most people wash at least once a day and still need to wear deodorant. It doesn't matter how well you wash yourself in the shower - if you're active, if you commute on a packed train in the morning, if you walk to walk, you WILL start to sweat and smell unless you're one of the lucky people who genuinely sweat very little. I often top up my deodorant in the middle of the day and so do a lot of the people I work with. I sweat less if I make sure to wear natural fibres and try not to rush around too much but no way in hell I'd ever go to work without using deodorant.

OP, if your friend thinks deodorants are toxic/dangerous, there are natural ones you can try without chemicals. I think you need to be brutally honest. She's deluded and believes she doesn't smell because she's immune to the stink and nobody has the courage to tell her.

Milk & Honey

Take out a clothes peg and clip your nose with it every time you meet her. She will ask why you are doing it. Then you can tactfully explain about the problem.