Head in a state!!

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I am hoping someone can shed some light on my dilema here! Basically i am a straight 38year old, well what i thought was straight! I have had some feelings about women of late but have not kissed one since college years. A few weeks ago a friend and i (she is gay) ended up kissing and staying the weekend together, I had the best time with this wonderful, gorgeous funny girl. We texted on/off for a while and met up for a few dates since and all was going great.

Of late i have been feeling really low in my self esteem with regards all this, i have been suddenly feeling for the want of a better phrase, like a guy, i am not at all masculine infact far from it but in my head i am feeling this way. I am wondering if this is the norm for someone who at this point in their life has found their world turned upside down by feelings for a person of the same sex?

I am all over the place and would love to hear other peoples views on this....

Thanks all!!

L.Jenkins

Hey, I won't pretend to know how you feel. My own head has been in a spin since I've accepted the fact that I am trans. The idea is that both gender and sexuality is fluid, so don't worry about it. Let me point out that I've been drinking, so my opinion may not count.

Now about how you feel, only you can really tell us that. I identify as bisexual, but they're is certain feelings towards the male gender that make me feel the same way you do at times, somewhat awkward and questioning.

Ok, I'm talking poop, but hetrosexual relationships for me seems like an alien concept, but a possibility right now. There is nothing to fear, you just need the time and space to explore that part of you.

stephen_n

unregistered wrote: »

Hi all,

I am hoping someone can shed some light on my dilema here! Basically i am a straight 38year old, well what i thought was straight! I have had some feelings about women of late but have not kissed one since college years. A few weeks ago a friend and i (she is gay) ended up kissing and staying the weekend together, I had the best time with this wonderful, gorgeous funny girl. We texted on/off for a while and met up for a few dates since and all was going great.

Of late i have been feeling really low in my self esteem with regards all this, i have been suddenly feeling for the want of a better phrase, like a guy, i am not at all masculine infact far from it but in my head i am feeling this way. I am wondering if this is the norm for someone who at this point in their life has found their world turned upside down by feelings for a person of the same sex?

I am all over the place and would love to hear other peoples views on this....

Thanks all!!

Sounds a lot like internalized homophobia, you are taking an externalised view of same sex relationships and gender stereotypes i.e. lesbians are somehow less feminine and using it to internally judge or criticize yourself. This action in itself often leads to symptoms somewhat mirroring depression and/or self hatred. It's good that you are asking these questions here and you should get lots of identification from people with similar experiences. I was 36 before I came to terms with my bisexuality but luckily by that stage I was able to embrace it and didn't suffer from any sense of internalized homophobia as it came as kind of a relief to me like something that had been missing slipping into place. Try to remember though that who you are attracted to does not define you or change you but does provide the possibility to enhance you.

Best of luck and don't let your head do a number on you, you are still the same person only slightly improved because of this experience! :-)

Moon Indigo

Strangely what you have said struck a cord with me and sort of agree with the OP with regard to internalising stereotypical views of same sex relationships.
Now this is just me but when I first found myself attracted to women I kind of thought if I went with another feminine girl then I had to be the 'man' for want of a better word. Personally for me it did take a bit of time to realise I was a women who likes women regardless of the 'stereotype' or man/woman thing. I admired and was attracted to them for gender and I did not have to exchange my sexuality for a role that society demands so that I become more acceptable. There would have been nothing 'wrong' if I chose the butch route or femme route that's a preference or feeling of comfort in my opinion.

In all honestly I feel its down to self acceptance. This may have come along and the feelings have blown you out of the water and that takes time to bend your mind around. I feel you should take time to breathe and go with your heart. Like was said sexuality in my opinion is hell of a lot more flowing than its given credit for. This is a new experience enjoy it for what it is and don't go beating your self up or trying to put a label on who you are or what you like. Best of luck