Ignore the urge

LegacyUser

Broke up with my OH recently – I did the breaking up. I know why I did it and when I take the time to consider if I’ve made the right decision I know deep down I have. I was treated poorly and taken for granted pretty much the entire relationship – always putting myself out to accommodate her needs and getting little in return.

My problem is my body just has this craving / urge to be near her – it’s only been a little over a week but god there are so many things that remind me of her (we were living together and dating for just under 5 years). I was in tesco earlier and walking down the biscuit isle, I almost burst into tears because I was so used to buying her a little something when I was in the shops and looked at a certain biscuit she loves… I feel a bit silly saying that.

I even miss her family – I got on really well with her brother, she even used to say if we broke up he’d be on my side over the split because he liked me that much.

I suppose I’m finding it hard because all my friends have left the country for work and I pretty much have no-one to talk with, no-one to go for a drink with or a game of soccer or something to get active. Luckily I have a full-time job so am busy during the day, but after work it feels like a nightmare. Does this urge to go back to her pass? I really hope so – I’ve been in a few short term relationships but I saw this girl as the one I’d marry and am having a bit of trouble accepting it’s over.

nottherealdeal

Hi Moveon...

You're still in the very raw stages of a break up so things are bound to be hard. I,m the exact same after breakups - avoiding certain places, not eating particular foods etc because they remind me of my ex. The best thing to do is 'face the fear' as in keep doing the things that hurt and soon you will become desensitized to it and they wont remind you of her anymore.

You are lucky that you are sure of the break up - so stay strong you seem to be doing really well.
You need to focus on keeping yourself busy - look up local 5 a side soccer teams, take an evening class in something you always wanted to do, give a helping hand coaching underage teams in your area. Even plan trips to friends across seas so you'll have something to plan and look forward to.
Trust me these are all the things that will dampen the 'urge' so to speak.

Keep yourself busy- best of luck

ihsb

There are places you can go to meet new people. Meetup.com is a handy website for you to meet other blokes for you to have a game of football or go to the cinema with. Some are mixed groups, others just for single sex. This way you will be filling your evenings and weekends and meeting new friends.

Hopefully you won't be so lonely anymore and then you won't think of her as much. If she didn't deserve you you will get over her!

knowit12

I know the feeling in a similar situation myself.
If you know and feel the relationship wasn't right - then it wasn't.

Its gonna be hard for the first couple of weeks maybe even months - but it gets easier.

When I first split from my ex EVEYTHING reminded me of him and was crying over all most everything.

I suggest maybe go see a Counselor - it really helped me , it's always harder when you have spent so many years with that one person.

I found that getting out joining a gym, taking up classes and looking after myself really helped to. Try have something to aim againest and look forward to - maybe even book a holiday.

Try get in contact with old friends, family, organise a work night out.

It does get easier and you will relise in time that you made the right decision.

Take advantage of the whole single life - start looking out for yourself and do things that make you happy.

I'm a strong believer in "time is a healer"

knowit12

Oh and DO NOT CONTACT HER - only makes it harder for yourself

enceladus1

well she may have taken yu for granted and treated yu like **** but if she is in my position she is ****ing miserable i treated my ex like **** and i really did not do it intentionally and i cant believe or forgive myself for hurting him its 5 months on and i still cry everyday i have gone to councelling i have cut off my family that caused me to go insane and insecure but if yu thought yu wud marry her then mayb yu made the wrong choice .. there is honestly nothing i wudnt do for my ex to give me a chance to make up for hurting him begging for 5 months has not worked but i will wait as long as he needs to realise i wont hurt him again ... those urges wont go away i get emotional over silly things like biscuits and milky way bars because he loved them literally everything reminds me of him esp my bed and i hate that i never wake up to him ,, yur ex must be feeling this hurt to and if she has tried to say sorry maybe leave her beg for a while as mean as it is and she will realise she can never treat yu the way she did or she will lose yu ... i have never felt so miserable for my actions in all my life and i beg on her behalf just meet her for a chat and see what she has to say .. give her enuf time to realise how **** life is wit out yu and miss everything and i can promise if she is like me she will never take yu for granted again or treat yu bad because she will never want to feel this miserable again !! i wud do ****ing anything for one more chance to make up to him wat i did and have snuggles again but i want him to want to be wit me not out of pity so take yur time to decide and i promise if she feels a half as ****in terrible as i do after 5 months apart and not knowing how i can possibly get thru this by losing him and my family at the same time . then she wud never do this to yu again ...