Boyfriend said I am too nice

LegacyUser

Hello all

Have been seeing a guy for bout 3/4 months and we recently had the "conversation". Basically what came out of it was that he said I have to stop being so nice. Now I'm completely confused by this statement. Apparently I'm not being bitchy enough. Everything else in the relationship is good but I just thought this was an odd thing to say to me.

Any thoughts?

The Lovely Muffin

That is an odd thing to say, in my opinion.

If my boyfriend had said this to me when we started going out I would have asked him straight out what he meant.

If it's a case where he wants you to start bitching about people then personally, I would dump him.

There is no need to be bitchy about anyone, deliberately or otherwise.

stovelid

Ask him to try being less of a moron.

Tea-a-Maria

I don't think he means 'too nice' in the context of not being bitchy enough.I think it's more along the lines of that he wants you to be more assertive and confident.

I'd be very surprised if any man wanted his girlfriend to be deliberate bitchy to him!If this is what he meant he's certainly made a mess of conveying it!I'd ask him what he meant.

Herrick

OP perhaps he thinks you are too passive? Do you always agree with everything he says, does, etc? If so, maybe he just wants you to voice your opinion of things more.

Miss Fluff

Rather than speculate ask him what he means and ask him to give you some examples. He may thinks you're a pushover and need to start standing up for yourself or maybe he feels you get taken advantage of for example. Ask him.

LegacyUser

Could be that you keep saying "I don't mind" when asked your opinion...

It used to drive me demented when asking someone what they wanted to do and the response was "I don't mind".... surely they had some preference.......

"Indian or pizza?" "I don't mind"


AAAaggh

Idle Passerby

When you say you had the "conversation" I presume you mean the one where you decide whether your officially an item. Did the two of you agree to be a couple after this talk?

When someone says that someone is "too nice" it can often be translated as "theres nothing specifically wrong with them, I like them but don't find them particularly interesting, and maybe even a little overbearing".

If he's enthusiastic to be your boyfriend then Id agree its a strange complaint to make. It could be as someone else said already that he'd like you to be more assertive.

snafuk35

alittleadviceplease wrote: »

Hello all

Have been seeing a guy for bout 3/4 months and we recently had the "conversation". Basically what came out of it was that he said I have to stop being so nice. Now I'm completely confused by this statement. Apparently I'm not being bitchy enough. Everything else in the relationship is good but I just thought this was an odd thing to say to me.

Any thoughts?

He comes across perhaps like he is bored?
Have you a daring sexual and aggressive side? If you don't maybe you could see about developing it? Are you a very moral respectable girl and you never considered being 'bad' ? Are you aggressively sexual? Do you dress sexy or dress plain? Do you let other girls walk all over you or do you give in to what he says or let him take the lead? Maybe you need to change those parts of your personality? Surprise him and it could be a real turn on which is perhaps what he wants?

R.D. aka MR.D

Hmmm it is kind of an odd thing to say but thinking about it if there was one thing that I would say about my new boyf is that he is 'too nice'.

By this i mean he is a wee bit innocent and eager to please. He's always saying sorry for silly things that he has no need to say sorry for! (But i'll admit that it's because of my own issues that this is semi-problem for me!:rolleyes:)

Don't change who you are for a guy. If he doesn't like you for who you are then that is his problem.

If you really want to know what he meant then ask him straight out to explain it to you.

P. Breathnach

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

...
If you really want to know what he meant then ask him straight out to explain it to you.

Of course that is the thing to do. We don't know OP or her boyfriend. And it's not much of a relationship if she can't ask him what he meant.

But I can't resist offering an opinion: he might mean that she is not assertive enough, is something of a pushover in situations -- the sort of person who might order a rare-to-medium steak, and if a well-done one is served, will shrug and accept it.

moe_sizlak

alittleadviceplease wrote: »

Hello all

Have been seeing a guy for bout 3/4 months and we recently had the "conversation". Basically what came out of it was that he said I have to stop being so nice. Now I'm completely confused by this statement. Apparently I'm not being bitchy enough. Everything else in the relationship is good but I just thought this was an odd thing to say to me.

Any thoughts?

your boyfriend sure is different , ive heard of women thinking thier guy is too nice but never have i heard the opposite

_dublinlad_

alittleadviceplease wrote: »

Hello all

Have been seeing a guy for bout 3/4 months and we recently had the "conversation". Basically what came out of it was that he said I have to stop being so nice. Now I'm completely confused by this statement. Apparently I'm not being bitchy enough. Everything else in the relationship is good but I just thought this was an odd thing to say to me.

Any thoughts?

This is only my take on this from my own experience, so take from it what you wish.

I think when he is saying to you "stop being so nice", he is really saying "have some independent thoughts, stop overly agreeing with what everybody says all the time and stop being such a push over"

I agree with a previous poster about the "pizza or indian food" question. This of course is just a simple example. I know you may say "you chose, I dont mind" - and thats all well and good saying that the odd time, but not every time, to me that is just plain annoying.

People may say he is a dick, and maybe he just plain is for saying that. But I do see his point.

Sleepy

There were a couple of girlfs in my past that I dumped for being "too nice".

They were just too passive as saywhatyouwant posted: when asked what they wanted to do for the night, they'd say "I don't mind" or ask what I wanted to do or anything except answer the bloody question. They were too afraid of saying the "wrong" thing to live their own lives.

Of course this also translated across to the bedroom. Nothing so boring in bed as a partner that never initiates things or who's so afraid of not "being a nice girl" that they can't tell you what they want or take control of things occasionally.

Now, don't get me wrong, these girls were all lovely but I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with someone who didn't see themselves as my equal any more than I'd be able to have one with someone that saw themselves as my superior. It's nothing about being "bitchy", it's about not being a doormat.

Well, that's my personal experience, maybe your boyfriend is looking for a Mistress in a sub/domme type relationship? It's certainly less common though.

Podgers

I would have to agree with Sleepy and a few more of the posters here.

strangely enough I was thinking the same thing this week about my current girlfriend, its complete opposite of my last relationship.

We all like nice people, but being too nice maybe picked up wrong, doesn't meen to be a bitch or anything like that, why on earth would someone want to be with someone bitchy?

Agreeing with everything, not stating what you like or dislike, being indecisive, etc.. for example, if watching a movie she would always leave the decision to me to pick, or if she wants to do something she would wait till i say it, rather than telling me she what she would like to watch, or asking me would i like to go somewhere with her, things like that.

some people are this to be "perfect" for their partner and thinks that if the like or dislike the same thing there wouldn't be any problems but then there's nothing to stick too? its a bit like dating yourself really!

so ask him what he really means, and gain some control over things ye do. i don't think he means any harm in what he says, in fact some people that are "too nice" can be taken advantage off. and subconsciously thinking that you feel your not good enough for them, we all need a bit of a challenge