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Define attractive?

  • 01-04-2012 11:46am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Guess I should give a bit of background first but I won’t bore everyone with too many details suffice to say, I’ve had horrendously low self-esteem throughout my life, have depression, used to be painfully shy and now find myself at the age of 27 having never had a boyfriend. Over the past year I’ve began seeing a councellor who has really helped me and lead to a lot of new realisations I’d never previously considered. My problem?

    Okay so my problem is going to sound a bit odd but it’s something I’ve struggled with for a while tbh and I’ve only just realised the extent to which it has actually affected my love life. As trivial and as trite as it sounds, I have no idea how attractive (or unattractive) I am. That sounds ridiculous even typing it but it’s true, I just don’t. Partly I’m sure it’s down to the low self-esteem, but I’ve begun to realise a pattern in my romantic life (or lack thereof), I tend to go for guys (lovely guys with great personality) but who I don’t find attractive, at all. Now I know it’s not all about looks but at the same time I’m trying to see my own worth for the first time in my life, I know I’m deliberately trying to settle with these guys and am tired of accepting 2nd best (it hasn’t worked for the last 27 years so I think it’s time I changed tactic :) ).

    Now I should add to this that I don’t get approached by men. At all. I always have to approach them. So I guess this adds to the problem, surely if I never get approached I’m clearly not attractive! I’ve also lost count of the number of guys I’ve approached, they’ve taken my number and never called (and yes, sometimes I’ll text them first only to be met with no response). Even outside of the pub/club environment, I might as well be invisible to men. I do get called pretty/cute by friends/family (but they’re going to say that anyway aren’t they) and occasionally by men but it’s usually 'cos they just want sex.

    This is turning into a bit of a rant so I’ll get to the point! :)

    There’s a guy who’s come into my life recently and I honestly have never been so attracted to someone. He is just wow. I have never felt an attraction to someone like this before (It's not just an appearance thing, there's just something about him I've never experienced before). Now here comes the problem, this guy is seriously good looking (and also a really nice guy!) and has women falling at his feet. Half of me feels like there’s something between us and then the other half kicks in and I think I’m crazy that someone as good looking as he is could ever find me attractive (and surely if he did like me then he’d make a move). I'm afraid to show an interest/flirt with him because I don’t want to make a complete fool of myself, but I don’t want to sell myself short anymore either. What I’m asking I suppose is how do you know? How do you know if someone is ‘in your league’ (for want of a less awful phrase)?


Comments

  • #2
    ihsb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 678 ✭✭✭ihsb


    If you don't find yourself attractive then someone won't approach you. It is not a lie that men find confidence attractive (not too confident though, that turns into cockiness).

    Look at photos of yourself, look at yourself in the mirror. Look at girls when you are out. Look at what makes them pretty to you and you will start noticing things.

    It is all about enhancing what you have and covering what you don't like.

    I have a great ass and legs, but a bit of a love-handle going on. So I wear pencil skirts and minis, with tops that skim over my "problem-area" I feel sexy when I do this.

    I have really black circles under my eyes, but I have nice lips. So I don't do anywhere without concealer under my eyes and when I am out I rock the red lips.

    Doing all this makes me feel prettier, more confident and therefore I become more attractive to the opposite sex. Obviously as time goes on you will accept problem areas and you will be confident even without clothes or makeup, but this take time. It is all about making you feel good about yourself. The guy you like will sense it.

    I wouldn't approach him just yet. You would go into the relationship feeling like he is more attractive then you and you will be handing the upper hand to him. Wait. Feel more confident (stand with your back straight) and smile a lot and he (or someone more worth while) will come running.


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