Texting in 30s?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Will keep this short and to the point. My boyfriend of 3 months refuses to speak on the phone with me and only communicate through texting. As we are both in our 30s I find this all a bit teenagery!

I am not looking for long conversations, am not a huge phone talker but when arranging to meet it takes about 5 texts when a phone call will do. It also has lead to miscommunications on both sides but he doesn't seem to see this.

I have explained that I am not happy about this but he refuses to do anything about it. I want to be clear I would be happy with some texting but also a few phone calls.

Also, sometimes I ask him something in a text and he will point blank ignore the question. Am beginning to think he is trying to keep me at a distance or something or control things.

Any ideas?

_dublinlad_

Sounds a little suspect to me.

Some people like to keep their business to themselves so they prefer to text so that nobody else knows about their personal life.

However the fact that you confronted him about it and he still insists makes me beleive that may not be the case here. Its pure speculation as I dont know anything about your relationship but there could be another woman on the scene that he is either with or he dosent want her to know that he is taken.

Whether its for innocent or not reasons it is fairly childish. Im 25 and texting annoys me as a 30 second phone call says more then 5 texts.

Personally I would insist on him giving me an honest answer and if he dosent, well... dumpsville

R.D. aka MR.D

Do you ring him? Does he answer?

I hate talking on the phone to my current boyfriend, strange i know, so we only communicate via text but if the plans are getting confusing or whatever i'll just give him a quick ring and sort it out.

If he doesn't answer then I would agree with the other poster that there might be something suspect going on.

ifellover

I don't call people as I get free texts with Vodafone if I top up by €20 per month

LegacyUser

Hi,

OP here and thanks to those who replied. To be honest I didn't even think about the cheating aspect but I really don't think so but I guess some doubt has been raised.

He is kind of shy and very closed about himself almost to the point of being secretive. Its not just with me he is like that with most people. As I write this probably could be an issue in general.

I was seeing it more from a he can control texts whereas maybe not phone calls.

I find it weird though I think its keeping me at a distance. To answer others questions I only rang him a few times and he didn't answer but he did text me and never have since as I get the vibe not to

I am a friend

I hate talking on the phone cos I do so much of it at work. How often do you see each other? Do you have good communication then?

blatantrereg

Some people just dont like talking on the phone.

You say he's very shy so that would seem the most likely reason.

People sometimes ignore questions if they dont want to answer them. That isn't necessarily because they want to mislead or conceal anything. They might not just be comfortable with the question, or not know the answer, or maybe just feel unable to articulate it.

I dont think there's good reason to suspect cheating over this.

You might have communication issues as a couple in general. If one person is a lot more vocal than the other, it can cause serious problems to develop: The vocal one gets more frustrated and more vocal. The quiet one gets more withdrawn and more quiet. Very bad cycle. It can repeat itself until the relationship collapses. Discuss the issue and perhaps address it on both sides: You make sure not to be pushy; him make sure he does actually express himself.

I am a friend

opagain wrote: »

I only rang him a few times and he didn't answer but he did text me and never have since as I get the vibe not to

That is a bit dodgy, especially at the stage where he should be trying to impress you.

santana75

I am a friend wrote: »

That is a bit dodgy, especially at the stage where he should be trying to impress you.

I think this is a one size fits all mentality. Nobody should act a specific way at certain times in a relationship and expecting them to do so just leads to hassle and confusion. Just because he's not jumping through hoops doesnt mean anything. Some people, especially blokes, just arent crazy about talking on the phone.

Elmidena

How has the relationship been in other aspects, are there any other reasons to be getting doubts? After three months, pretty much anything that's in place now will be there for the long term short of something drastic altering behaviours.

I pretty much never hear from my partner as he hates texting and neither of us are one for phone calls (late 20s) but I've been with him so long now it doesn't bother me in the slightest, used to drive me mental! Is this something you could put up with in the long term, or is it a dealbreaker? You've not really been going out all that long, you've said you're not happy and he's not interested in changing his behaviour....if it's likely to cause you more upset than the relationship's worth then I'd suggest bailing out before you get even deeper emotional investment. Best of luck OP

solerina

Everyone is different, when I am with my boyfriend we never shut up, talk constsntly, however we never ring each other, we send hundreds of texts every week though.....any night we are apart is texts all night....doesnt bother me though, at least he is thinking about me !!

LegacyUser

I agree with you that texting is a bit teenagery. Regardless, if you are a telephone person or not it starts to feel silly after a while. I am 21 and barely text compared to others my age and to even those much older. I am not a telephone person either but hate texting more. The fact that you are both in your thirties and texting as the only means of communication outside your dates is peculiar, imo. I can see at the very beginning when you both first met but after three months you would think that he would be comfortable enough with a conversation over the phone-does not have to be long. The fact he does not answer your calls and responds by texts may mean a number of things. It may be avoidance, control, whatever. We really don’t know him so cannot answer that one. But from my experience, those that tend to prefer texting or messaging only is sometimes based on lack of social skills or extreme shyness. I find texting and IM are making more people today become inept with verbal communication and it also makes it harder for shy people to come out of their shell. My grandparents (the generation that did not grow up with such technology) say this all the time and I am beginning to agree with their point.

All you can really do is ask yourself how is he with you when you do meet up with him? I can see why you would feel like he is distancing himself. And if that is your issue than you need to tell him straight up that is what is bothering you. If you are just telling him that you do not like texting then he probably isn’t getting it.

If this guy you are seeing is very shy than it is up to you to decide if you are compatible in the communication department. Communication is essential if you would like the relationship to last long term. If it is not shyness, then I would run like the wind. He may be a control freak that is “calling all the shots” or living some sort of shady life.