What to do with an ex- friend from the past?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Just wondering has anyone have any advice regarding a friend that I've fallen out with quite a while back.It's been a few months since I have been in contact with her and the few months prior to that all we did is argued.Long story short xmas 2010 she told me something she done and I gave her a bit of a telling off/advice.(She slept with an ex while he had a new girlfriend) while I know now it was wrong of me to do that and I probably could of used more tact at the time.What's done is done.So a few weeks later I got back in contact with her and I spent weeks apologizing etc etc before she said let's be friends again.Things were quite frosty and distance for a few weeks i thought this was because she was still miffed about the previous argument.Then about a month later she told me she had a boyfriend while I was taken back a bit as she was dating him since jan of this year.I told her it shouldn't affect our friendship and so on.

So kept in contact would send her an email text might get a reply a week or two later it was a big change from the countless emails we sent to each other before xmas everyday.Subtlety isn't my strong point later on she said this was her way of letting me down gently.So out of the blue she said for us to meet up and the frostiness etc etc I refused.This led to more rows between us and with me never knowing the reason for this hostility towards me.She had other male friends so didn't think it was down to her having a boyfriend that was causing this that and we're 4 hrs away from each other.So she phoned me one night out of the blue for a chat.She said she no longer wanted to be friends and this lead to an argument.In hindsight I could of left it there and then but I didn't as I was so hurt, she sounded like she had been drinking and tore me to shreds so much so that I had to hang up.I seen red and sent her back her presents in the mean tiime she sent a text apologizing.

So back and forth with the texting and I asked her can we talk this thing through ever since we were back in contact I never talked to since we got back in contact prior to that we used to talk everyday.So I texted her and asked her will i phone and she replied with I dunno what to say to you.I was wrong that I rang her up she never replied but it caused a row between her and her boyfriend as he seen my name come up on the phone (I hadn't met him or even know of him or didn't know she was living with him)So she started sending really nasty text messages to me she later explained nice didn't work.So eventually I sent her a really long email detailing how I felt so betrayed and would finding it hard trusting someone again and she rang me fireworks happened again and I done what she wanted stop getting in contact.

That was back in August in the meantime I have started college and before college I started going to counselling while losing this friend wasn't the main reason it was an attributing factor.I find the counselling a great help it's nice to be able to talk to someone.Life is going good.But there is an underlying sense of guilt with what happened for me.I told the counselor the story from start to finish and while he didn't say my advice at the time to my friend was right or wrong.He just said that noone is the same and someone else could of thought of it is as good advice and you would of had no reason to visit me.So I have been introduced to mediation and mindfulness etc etc and while it has helped with most aspects of my life.

It hasn't help me block my friend out or the guilt I feel.I told my friend a few months back and he replied with **** the ***** which didn't help me at all.I sent her a merry xmas email with no ulterior motives and I said while things didn't work out between us i wished her the best for the future and got no reply.It just saddens me that she feels so much hatred towards me that she didn't bother replying given the time of year and all.It just upsets me when I'm reminded of her either through tv or a song she loved etc etc and makes me think of someone that I got on so well with and hates my guts now.It's hard to move on I have actually lost touch with a few people in the meantime but this was mainly amicable or due to circumstance but it's just this guilt with this friend, I feel that just wont go away and I'm just wondering has anyone been through this kind of thing before or any tips on what to do.

Thanks in advance for the replies and taking the time to read this.

memphis

Ditch her, going by your side of the story she just is not worth it! Move on, forget about her. Get on with your own life.

Big Bag of Chips

I get the impression that you fancy/fancied her a bit? Apologies if I'm wrong...

But maybe she picked up on that, and because she didn't feel the same was trying to find ways to get out of the friendship?

You say you started college, so I guess you are both quite young. Sometimes people just grow apart. And our "best friend" throughout school, can often become "someone I used to know".

Do you know what I mean?

Overtime you will care less about it. And she will not take up as much of your thinking time. Maybe even writing it all out will help.

Grayson

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I get the impression that you fancy/fancied her a bit? Apologies if I'm wrong...

I got that impression too.

@OP. Just walk away. Maybe even run. Life's too short to get involved with crap like this. And trust me, it's not going to get better. The two of you are not going to suddenly become friends again and it's never going to be the way you want it.

Just walk away