Second Chances

nottherealdeal

Do you believe in, or have you have given an ex partner a second chance?

On what grounds do you think it is acceptable, or do you think it should be avoided?


Any positive (or downright ugly) stories!?
I suppose I,m asking because Im in a situation with an ex who is asking for a second chance?

cynder

Once bitten twice shy, however I do believe in second chances.

Bubblefett

I've one ex who never told me he had a girlfriend and another who stalked me for a month after we broke up
So no, I wouldn't be handing out second chances in a hurry.

Princess Peach

I dunno its a tough one. I only had bad experiences really. Gave an ex a second chance before, and neither of us talked about any of our issues and it ended badly again not too long after. But it wasn't too bad I guess.

The 3rd/4th chances were even worse cause it turned out he was just using me for sex.

With the gift of hindsight I should have let him go on the first break, but sure can't change it!

I'd like to think it could work for some people. I guess it all depends on why ye broke up, and what has changed now with both of ye and the relationship that will make it better this time.

Neyite

I've seen it work - it really depends on the person asking for the second chance though. I saw someone kiss another girl and after a year apart realised what an idiot he was to cheat on his girlfriend. He only fully realised what he had when it was gone. They are back together and its bliss.

Another didnt know if he was ready to settle down so broke up, only to realise when she moved on, he didnt like it one bit and actually wanted to settle down with her after all. Getting married in a few weeks.

I have given second chances and they were wasted.

So it really depends. I think if I could be reasonably certain someone deserved the second chance and that they would not waste it, then yes.

Faith

My boyfriend and I broke up after about 2 years together. At the time, I hadn't a clue why. But with time, I came to understand that I hadn't been as perfect as I'd thought. I copped myself on and moved on. But our relationship rekindled very slowly about a year ago, after about a year apart. It took him a while to make some changes too, but since everything got worked out, we've been in a fantastic relationship, that's so much better than the first time around.

But if there was a more definitive reason for breaking up, like cheating, I would be extremely reluctant to give a second chance.

RhubarbCrumble

Princess Peach wrote: »

I dunno its a tough one. I only had bad experiences really. Gave an ex a second chance before, and neither of us talked about any of our issues and it ended badly again not too long after. But it wasn't too bad I guess.

The 3rd/4th chances were even worse cause it turned out he was just using me for sex.

Princess Peach, I swear we must have gone out with the same man! :eek:

I am a friend

What happened to cause the demise of the first chance?

sam34

if there's a reason good enough for me to break up eith someone, I think that reason would keep me from giving them a second chance.

fool me once and all that.

Maple

Moved from TLL.

Best suited here.

Maple.

ihsb

After two years apart the ex and myself started a casual thing.

It didn't work because of course we had so much history but it ended up being quite good closure. It ended nicely and we are friendly now (not friends just friendly).

The Lovely Muffin

For me it would depend on the person who wants a second chance, why they want it and what caused the relationship to end in the first place.

Myself and my boyfriend dated a few years ago for a few weeks, it didn't work out, we got chatting last year, he asked me out and we've been together since, we're together eight months this month.

It can work, but a second chance isn't something I'd give/offer without thinking it through thoroughly.

Depends on the situation.

If it's just something like giving it another go, then yes. I had a boyfriend once that I went out with for 3 months, we broke up, and then about 6 months later we got together again, I gave him another chance. We ended up going out for 2 and a half years and it was 100% worth it (it ended totally amicably and for reasons outside of the actual relationship - he needed to emigrate and I needed to stay here). So in that case I'd say the second chance worked out great.

If the chance is something like expecting someone to change their spots, then I'd forget it OP. I had another boyfriend who cheated on me, and I gave him another chance, and another, and another, each time becoming less surprised every time he didn't change, until it got to a stage where I had almost just accepted that that was who he was - a bad way to become, and it took me a long time to regain my sense of right/wrong behaviour.

In other words, don't expect miracles.

TEMPLAR KNIGHT

I was going out with a girl for a year and a half (recently broken up 4 months ago) It was my first relationship and after 6 months she started treating me pretty bad breaking up with me for no reason then getting back with me, over nearly a 12 month period this continued shed break up with me for no reason then id get back with her when she missed me this happened at the very least 20 times. so now she wants to get back with me again and its obvious that she does not change even though i still love her once i had the strength to finally get out of it i have no intention of putting myself back into that situation. thats my experience. but some people can change!

Payton

As said already it depends on the circumstances. I've give someone very close to me a 2nd and 3rd chance and worse fool me, cheating, dishonest, and generally treating myself and our children bad.
I'm in a far better place now, of course she denies all and can't see wrong in the damage that she has done, but that's her issue.
Circumstances don't make a man, they reveal him.

nottherealdeal

OP here- Yes I suppose it really does depend on the circumstances. In my case he left me for someone else. Now he is still with her but says he made a mistake and cant stop thinking about me.

I did really like him but Im wondering will he get bored again in a few months and meet someone else!

Taltos

nottherealdeal wrote: »

he left me for someone else. Now he is still with her but says he made a mistake and cant stop thinking about me.

OP - please keep re-reading what you just posted.
I think you have answered your issue yourself here...

Some people deserve second chances, others don't. Your EX clearly does not.

miec

Hi Op

I would agree with Taltos, I had the case of an ex who had wandering willie syndrome and recurring I want you back-i-itis. I had juvenile dementia and the result of it all was not good.

He kept cheating and I kept taking him back until my sanity was restored and I dumped him for good. I have never looked back. Moral of the story is don't waste time, thought and effort on those who cannot or will not give you the respect and decent treatment you deserve.

I am a friend

dont walk - run!!!

so he is willing to use you to cheat on his 'mistress' and you are considering it? come on...

msg11

Personally I couldn't tolarate giving someone a second chance after cheating. Anything else, yeah I would give a second chance after a proper split. In the past I wouldn't have but recent events in my own life experiences have changed that.

Now I know couples on the 4th and 5th go at things , that's when you call it a day !

Ickle Magoo

miec wrote: »

Moral of the story is don't waste time, thought and effort on those who cannot or will not give you the respect and decent treatment you deserve.

This.

There are millions of potential partners out there. Why would you deliberately settle for one who from the outset you know is likely to hurt you and cause you a world of frustration and pain, OP?

Depending on the seriousness of the misdemeanour's, I'm not really a fan of second chances - I've never seen the point in saddling myself with the added worry and second-guessing that comes with letting someone who has caused trouble or hurt back into my life, when there is such a plethora of alternatives to choose from.

boomtown123

I always give second chances and always get bitten. Its the trouble with being too nice - being a walkover!