Daughters dad gone awol

LegacyUser

Making a long story short, my daughter is 10 years of age. Her father always played a part in her life since we split up, Took her every weekend. He never wanted to be her legal guardian though even though I mentioned it a few times. We always got on well. He could see her whenever he wanted. I always got the impression he still had feelings for me but didn't think too much of it.

Over 2 weeks ago he got irrate when I didnt get her to text/contact him on his birthday. We were at the point of ringing but he didnt give us the chance i.e she had just got in from school.

We have not heard from him since. Not a word etc. I think he is trying to make a point of waiting to hear from me but the thing is we split up years and years ago and it is up to him to contact me when he wants to see his daughter. He also makes snide comments all the time about me sitting around doing nothing... (I'm a full time carer to a disabled person.) he doesnt pay his way either but that is a whole other topic.

How do I explain his absence to my daughter? Should I say something? He could well sulk for another month or two........

How do I get it across to him that he can't treat his daughter like that?

cynder

A friend of mine is split with her husband they have 4 kids, on his birthday she gives the kids money to buy the dad a present as she does on fathers day, on mother's day he gave the kids 100 euros to buy their mom something. He lives in the uk but when he visits the kids he stays at the house.

It goes both ways, compromise a bit of give n take. If your daughter wants to see her dad then why dont you phone him up and arrange it. Think of your daughter. Now it isnt too hard to get your daughter to send a text to her dad at 8.50am before school and say happy birthday and that she will phone him later.

LegacyUser

So the father goes AWOL and I come on looking for advice and I'm told to compromise.

I've compromised for the past 10 years. I didnt mention I get nothing for Christmas, Birthdays, mothers day etc. I did however mention he is not paying his way and that I am a carer for a disabled person which means I have no money. I also mentioned that her phone was on charge and that she was planning on ringing him.

I got abuse over the birthday issue, extreme abuse I might add, I'm not going to phone up and get more abuse. School mornings here are hectic... something he wouldnt understand as he lives at home with his mammy.

This is not about birthdays etc or about me at all. This is about a child whose daddy has not bothered his arse in 2 weeks to see his daughter and who may continue to sulk for god knows how long. This is a grown man.... my daughter is only 10.

pickarooney

Can your daughter not ring her father whenever she wants or does she not feel like talking to him now either?

Cavehill Red

OPagain wrote: »

So the father goes AWOL and I come on looking for advice and I'm told to compromise.

I've compromised for the past 10 years. I didnt mention I get nothing for Christmas, Birthdays, mothers day etc. I did however mention he is not paying his way and that I am a carer for a disabled person which means I have no money. I also mentioned that her phone was on charge and that she was planning on ringing him.

I got abuse over the birthday issue, extreme abuse I might add, I'm not going to phone up and get more abuse. School mornings here are hectic... something he wouldnt understand as he lives at home with his mammy.

This^^^^ sits uneasily alongside this:

OPagain wrote: »

This is not about birthdays etc or about me at all.

I concur with the previous poster; parenting is about compromise.

ash23

Your daughter is 10. Hand her the phone and let her talk to her father.

LegacyUser

She has her own phone. She has chosen not to ring him. I came on looking for advice and feel saddened that Ive been told to compromise for a father who has decided to take his issues out on a 10 year old. He has not bothered about her in weeks. He does not pay for her. He does not pull hid weighy i any aspects of her care. I can't make myself any clearer. He never had to worry about access orders and could see her any time he wanted.

I won't be posting again. All I wanted was help on how to help my daughter. A grown man should not be behaving like this.

campo

Agree with previous poster there is a lot of I's in your post at the end of the day this is about your daughter and what is best for her and if her Dad spending time with her is the best for her then you have to bite your lip ring him and tell him that his daughter misses her daddy

Orion

Opagain wrote: »

I won't be posting again. All I wanted was help on how to help my daughter. A grown man should not be behaving like this.

You were getting advice. That you don't like it is not our fault. Anyway closing thread now if you're done with it.