Friend thinks housemate is taking P*ss

Saradoyler

We have a room in our apartment rented out to a nice girl Louise*, she just moved in two weeks ago.
she asked us if it would be okay for her boyfriend to stay over on friday night. we said no problem at all, sure its her room and shes an adult, shes paying us rent so what goes on in that room is her business. and sure it been paddys weekend and all.
However, he arrived over friday night and didnt go home till last night (Monday).
My friend was over with me yesterday having lunch. Louise* came out of her room and was chatting to us for a few minutes. we could hear the shower on. (My BF was gone out), My friend said to me 'ehh who's in the shower'. I said 'Ah thats just louises BF.

My friend start telling me that i'm crazy having him stay over, that it was my apt and they mustnt have any respect for me, and that im too bloody soft. saying that it was cheeky of them having him stay the 3 nights and only mentioning the one nite, but to take a shower too:eek:
Me and my partner dont see the big deal. she's paying her rent, and if her boyfriend is to stay over the odd weekend, what about it, not as if they are having big parties or anything

My friend was onto me 3 times today about it again. yes she can be a bit interferring. I said me and my partner have no problem with it. they're not causing any harm, but she wont shut up, you'd swear it was her apt the way shes going on..

can you tell me from your point of view if my friend is over reacting or what?

MissFlitworth

Completely over-reacting yeah. You should definitely sit down with your lodger/tenant & discuss basic ground rules for having people over but if you were to listen to your friend & freak out because a partner is staying over a couple of nights a week your pool of prospective tenants would be pretty small. Not too many people willing to hand over rent for a room they can't live a semi-normal life in when they could just live in property that isn't owner occupied and not have any hassle with people being pass remarkable on partners staying over.

Coriolanus

If you're fine with it, its fine. Your friend isn't affected at all.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I certainly wouldn't let an interferring busy-body of a friend dictate who or how I rent a spare room. It certainly sounds like she's more of a problem than Louise*. With regards to is Louise taking the piss, I would say no she's not, however if her or her bf are walking around nude, or arguing, or eating your food, or leaving mess around then yeah have a word, but taking the piss by being in her bedroom and grabbing a shower? eh no, not taking the piss. So yeah I'd tell Hitler to mind her own business and to not ring you 3 times a day about something that's none of her business. Is she going around now calling you soft? I'd be more annoyed about that tbh.

Best of luck.

Saradoyler

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Completely over-reacting yeah. You should definitely sit down with your lodger/tenant & discuss basic ground rules for having people over but if you were to listen to your friend & freak out because a partner is staying over a couple of nights a week your pool of prospective tenants would be pretty small. Not too many people willing to hand over rent for a room they can't live a semi-normal life in when they could just live in property that isn't owner occupied and not have any hassle with people being pass remarkable on partners staying over.

I totally agree, they are adults, she paid her rent for her room and what she does behind that door is not our business, (unless dealing drugs of course..lol) I really dont know what my friends problem is. she has been nagging at me bout it since yesterday. im biting my tongue, but feel like telling her to F.O:mad:

R.D. aka MR.D

Yes your friend is completely over-reacting.

Does your friend be over in your apartment much? For an easy life i would nearly just tell her- oh yeah i've spoken to Louise about it. End of.

But if you're looking for advice on how to stand up to your interfering friend then I would always say that being direct is the best option. Say 'i know that is your opinion but it's not mine, can we stop discussing it please?'

Saradoyler

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Yes your friend is completely over-reacting.

Does your friend be over in your apartment much? For an easy life i would nearly just tell her- oh yeah i've spoken to Louise about it. End of.

But if you're looking for advice on how to stand up to your interfering friend then I would always say that being direct is the best option. Say 'i know that is your opinion but it's not mine, can we stop discussing it please?'

She does call over maybe 2-3 times a week. I'm well able to stand up to her, im just sick listening to her going on bout it since yesterday. She keeps saying Im too soft, im crazy, he'll be moving in next, they're taking advantage, and the famous.... 'WELL if it was me.....'.

I told her today that i really dont know why it bothers her so much, when its actually my apartment and i have no issue with it.

She prob just fancies the boyfriend. :rolleyes:

say "well it isn't you, so drop it" and refuse to engage anymore

Miss Fluff

Saradoyler wrote: »

My friend was onto me 3 times today about it again. yes she can be a bit interferring.

Your friend obviously has a disproportionate amount of time on her hands. Tell her firmly to mind her own beeswax, I hate busybodies like that.

I think this Louise person is well within her rights, and she did have the good grace to ask you if it is ok.

LegacyUser

I think you're friend is overreacting. I mean one shower and the guy stayed over for the bank holiday weekend?? So what.

I've never understood why people in house shares have a problem with the gf/bf staying over. Couples are inevitably always together so its not like the bf/gf is using extra electricity. The odd shower is nothing to go mad about.

I can tell you, this is solely an Irish things and quite frankly its pathetic.

rainbowtrout

It's not your friends business so she needs to keep her nose out and you need to tell her this.

On the other hand, without relaying this to your friend, you should probably decide now how much you are willing to have this guy in your apartment.

Otherwise it's likely that we'll see a thread in a few weeks saying 'girl recently moved into my apartment, asked if her boyfriend could stay over one night, now he's here 7 nights a week and I have no privacy'. There are threads of this type on boards regularly, they all start the same way as yours has (minus the interfering friend).

Your friend may be over reacting a bit to the situation, but she does have a point. She's just not making it very well. If you're happy to let Louise have her boyfriend stay over, fine, but it would be no harm to lay some ground rules, otherwise it could arise that he has more or less moved in and resolving the problem will lead to a row.

Me, personally, I would be a bit peeved if someone had just moved into my house, asked if someone could stay over Friday night and they were still there on Monday.

LegacyUser

Your friend is over reacting but in saying that, yes it's fine when they're both in her room, but when/if it turns into him using the rest of the house it could get quite annoying.

The fact that she let him stay for 3/4 nights the very first time he came over, i'd be a little worried that it doesn't bode well for the future tbh and that she'd/they'd start taking the complete p**s.

So prob no harm in laying down some ground rules. (of course this is all on the assumption that rent is split 3 ways between both you and your partner and her otherwise that's gona open a whole other can of worms and you're prob best off saying nothing!)