ex kinda back on the scene

LegacyUser

Hi,gonna try and keep this short but might be impossible

I had a thread on year under a year ago after breaking up with my ex of 2 years and found the advice i receieved good even though i received advice of breaking contact i didnt when in hindsight i wished i did

fast forward to the end of january and we met each other out and we ended up sleeping together.She said to me that she couldnt give me any promises about getting back together nor did i ask her but we said we would do a few things together

I cut contact with her when she started to see somebody else after 5 months and i was seeing somebody then a while after that however both relationships ending without each of us knowing as we had cut contact

we have been in contact and have seen each other a few times albeit not as much as i would have like because each time i try and institage a meet up she seems too always have something on which was the same problem when we were going out,i didnt expect us to be joined at the hip but felt isolated at times.i myself was dealing with an issue with alcohol that everytime we would go to something together i would overdo it.she dreaded family occassions coming up because she knew id overdo it.But i have seeked help for that and feel deep down that i have finally brought that problem under control and my ex knows that i have dealt with this issue.

my main issue is that we are 2 months on and we are not any further forward.I feel she is keeping me at arms length and i kinda appreciate the fact that she doesnt want to rush things and nor do i,she has had a few relationships that have ended badly whereas all my relationships have been casual.

what im asking is how long should i keep the effort up as i cant keep making an effort and feeling rejected again like i was after our breakup.I was getting on with my life and dont wanna waste more time putting effort and time into my ex if its not gonna go anywhere

I would hate too think thats she playing me or wrecking my head too make herself fell better about myself

LegacyUser

thanks sunflower

I know its gonna take a hell lot more work to get my problems with alcohol truly sorted and know i might never get it sorted.The reason i decided to sort it was for myself and nobody else and has helped me immensely overcome certain issues in my life and have become a more content person

have told myself that im gonna take at look at things at the end of may and then decide on my future course of action,the reason is that im going on holidays at the start of june and if things dont work out ill view this holiday as the start to truly put the past behind me and move on with or without my ex but for the time being content to move things slowly

wif the mods could please move this to relationship issues thanks

I am a friend

feeling fresh wrote: »

H
my main issue is that we are 2 months on and we are not any further forward.

But what exactly does this mean? Not meeting up, not sleepeiong together or not planning on moving in together???

LegacyUser

hi i am a friend

we havent been meeting up.she works full time during the week and has a part time job at the weekend and this seems to always get in the way,as i said this was a problem when we were going out and as sunflower said i could be looking at the relationship with rose tinted glasses,even if we do get back together do i want to go back to this situation again

I at the minute dont want to really get into a mad serious relationship with her again but id like us to spend a bit more time together and see where it takes us.

LegacyUser

Hi

Just looking for some more advice and would love to hear from people who were in the same situation

Things are stll going slow and i am happy enough with that,as i said i will take stock of the situation before i go on holidays and see if or can a relationship evolve,im not interested in being friends if nothing comes of it but here is the problem.Due to the fact that im still dealing with issues i have and dealing with them well and confidentaly i feel that if we did get back together that i would slipp into the same bad habits again and dont want that

As i said we have only met up a few times due to her being busy and i know that if she was interested that she would make time for us to do things together but that she was always like that,maybe she is scared of putting herself out there again and to be hurt again, chatted to my sister about it and so many different scenarios have come up but try not to think of it too much and going about my own life.

I just keep saying to myself that if its meant to be itl be and if not will it was never meant to be

Taltos

OP - sorry but I am confused here.
You keep saying "it is going slow" - but I just don't see it going at all.

All I see is her doing her best to let you down gently, maybe out of fear for you doing something silly. You really have choice here - you can continue as you are just hoping for some more contact with this inevitably growing less and less all at her control and you always wondering what if next time she meets me - OR - you can choose right here today to say enough is enough, decide that you can accept (but not like) that this relationship died a long time ago and start to move on with your life.

I know you don't want to let go here - but until you do make a complete and I mean final break here you are never going to be able to move on either mentally or emotionally. Think about it this way - how many possible relationships have you been blind to or ignored because you were holding out on this one somehow starting up again?

Do both of you a favour - make the choice she seems to be leaning towards and start living your life again.

LegacyUser

Thanks Taltos for your honesty

doing something silly hasnt even come into the equation,i mean even though i was heartbroken at the start of our breakup i started to move on even though it took me 6 months but it has made me stronger as a person and learned to be happy on my own and not to depend on anybody else

as my sister said maybe she realised that i did move on and she cant handle that.

yeah but your right and these mind games are a bitch

LegacyUser

hi guys just a quick update

well after a few more weeks of inactivity of her putting me on the long finger i asked her today what was happening,her reply was the usual line of "i just want to be friends" and i told her no and that it was time to move on and that it was now closure for me

not gonna let the anger of the games she was playing get to me as i feel its time to move on and let the past be the past

time to put myself out there again and see if anything happens however this past year i have found that i can be by myself and enjoy my own company

Ickle Magoo

Glad you found closure OP.

As you don't require any further advice on this particular issue, I'll lock this thread.

All the very best. :cool: