what is with these guys?

cliona8969

i started working in a call centre job alongside many indian and chinese guys a year ago. within the year 2 of these guys have confessed their love to me and now a third guy has just texted me telling me he loves me. now these guys do not know me at all bar my looks. is love just a small thing to asian guys or do they just fall in love REALLY easily if a girl smiles at them?
I'm just getting a bit hurt with this am wondering if Im an easy target to be used or something? The third guy to confess his love in NO WAY knows me so im very confused. does he mean he fancies me or could someone please explain? 2 of the guys in question are muslims..

LegacyUser

Your looking a bit too much into it. No they dont love you in the real sense of the word. They're just being men, as in they are interested in a single woman, maybe its a competitive thing because no one has succeeded in going out with you yet. But if you are not actually interested in them why is it bothering you. Now if it's like harrassment then it shouldn't be happening and you need to be firm and not put up with this. You dont sound too confident the way you're reading into it though, and letting it bother you, some girls are so used to male attention its like water off a ducks back to be honest.

Daisy M

These wont be popular ideas but maybe its lonliness, maybe they are after a visa or maybe they think like many different cultures that white women are loose with their "favours". Maybe they are genuinely attracted to you and how you come across in general. Dont get hurt over it whatever you do you are probably seen as nice. Reply back with a polite no say you are not interested and are already in a relationship.

bouncebouncey

What are you asking here? Do they love you?

No they don't love you the person. If they don't know you as a person then they can't love you. They may love/lust after the way you look.

What was your reply to these guys by the way? Did you tell them to go sling their hook? Or what?

Why you getting hurt? A few socially inept young men from different cultures who don't know you at all, and are possibly looking for green cards, profess their love for you. I'd just write it off as a culture clash.

Through a club I'm involved with I know quite a few Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi lads etc... some of them are as worldly as me you and the next person. Some of them grew up in a totally different culture and had a cloistered upbringing and are completely alien to how things work in 'western' culture.

What is your reaction when these lads tell you this OP? Why so upset?

Is that the only male attention you've garnered in the last year? I'm struggling to see how a confident young woman would be bothered by this. Is this a self esteem thing with you OP?

IrishEyes19

I wouldn't heed any of this, OP, just stay clear of such people be they Irish or not irish. It's creepy in my opinion.

cliona8969

Daisy M wrote: »

These wont be popular ideas but maybe its lonliness, maybe they are after a visa or maybe they think like many different cultures that white women are loose with their "favours". Maybe they are genuinely attracted to you and how you come across in general. Dont get hurt over it whatever you do you are probably seen as nice. Reply back with a polite no say you are not interested and are already in a relationship.

thanks daisy. i myself agree it is most likely loneliness or them being after a visa. i guess it hurts me because i've always been a very friendly smiley girl but feel men might take advantage of me. i really don't want to end up in a situation where my heart is broken because of me innocently/stupidly believing a guy loves me when he's only after something and i'm weak...

bouncebouncey wrote: »

What are you asking here? Do they love you?

No they don't love you the person. If they don't know you as a person then they can't love you. They may love/lust after the way you look.

What was your reply to these guys by the way? Did you tell them to go sling their hook? Or what?

Why you getting hurt? A few socially inept young men from different cultures who don't know you at all, and are possibly looking for green cards, profess their love for you. I'd just write it off as a culture clash.

Through a club I'm involved with I know quite a few Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi lads etc... some of them are as worldly as me you and the next person. Some of them grew up in a totally different culture and had a cloistered upbringing and are completely alien to how things work in 'western' culture.

What is your reaction when these lads tell you this OP? Why so upset?

Is that the only male attention you've garnered in the last year? I'm struggling to see how a confident young woman would be bothered by this. Is this a self esteem thing with you OP?

thanks bouncey. yes oddly enough i find it is ONLY asian men that are approaching me in the past 2 years. i dont know what it is but they all seem to fall in love with me. it has to be normal in their culture i just find it very odd that no Europeans are acting the same.. i only recently got out of a longterm relationship so feel very vulnerable and i guess i'm craving romantic attention but am very worried this may lead somewhere bad.
he initially texted me saying "i love you i know its my problem but i do"
i had previously told him i had a boyfriend and i replied telling him not to talk like that to me again and if he does i wont speak to him and i asked him can we be friends. i feel like its unfair that people can act and fake feelings. i know he fancies how i look but how can he "love" me? is this normal for an indian muslim young man? i honestly thought muslims werent supposed to date...

cliona8969

sunflower27 wrote: »

I think I'd find it more juvenile than anything.

Why do they have your number?

yes it is soo juvenile but hes 28 years of age???
he has my number because he left me a valentines card on my desk and then took a week off from work. he asked me in the card if i have a boyfriend and he left his number on the card so i texted to say thanks and sorry but i do have a boyfriend... he hasnt texted me since then until now.. i was working with him closely one day last week and he helped me out with something and now this...

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I wouldn't heed any of this, OP, just stay clear of such people be they Irish or not irish. It's creepy in my opinion.

yeah it is creepy but surprisingly enough the guy is goodlooking enough..

R.D. aka MR.D

Hi Op,

i have quite a bit of experience working with Indian guys in particular. I have come to some conclusions but if I'm wrong then anyone out there feel free to correct me!

Their expressions of love may seem over the top: I love you, you are the most beautiful etc etc. It's a cultural/language thing.

They seem to like a girl and want to get intense very quickly. I remember a guy telling me that he thought it was crazy that Irish people would wait 5 or more years to get married, he thought it would be more like 5 months.

Honestly op I think if you like one of these guys give him a chance but don't be afraid to tell him flat out: that's not how we do things here. Don't fall head over heels and always take everything they say with a pinch of salt (they mean well though!!)

Best of luck
x

Ry

Ok so I'd make this guess about your "situation":

It could also be because of different social systems and etiquettes and possibly even Religious practices also coming into it in some areas that they may not be as used to the day to day growing up with females in their lives in such close proximity as much as in "Western" culture.

I mean here, guys and girls just hang out as much as they want from any age without really any separation other than when it comes to public toilets and changing rooms. This may be quite different where they're from and because of that they may either feel they have to outright declare their feelings unequivocally to get the message across because they may not get another chance or it might be just down to sheer lack of social experience with the opposite sex. I would say it's probably the latter and down to lack of experience socializing with the opposite sex.

Since I'm not Indian nor Asian I can only speculate though I did see an Asian girl for over 3 years and through that got a lot of insight into Chinese culture and I know for a fact they are often very shy people and the guys in particular are often very shy when it comes to initiating any form of contact with a girl they like. With that in mind, it could be that in their cultures it might be quite normal to make such emphatic declarations of love at an early stage of a relationship. It's not the norm here obviously and that's why you're feeling freaked out by it.

The best thing you can do is be flattered they clearly like your physical appearance (in the case of the guys who don't know you at all at least) and carry on as normal. If you're not interested be courteous obviously and just say thanks but you're not interested.

Don't be freaked out. Just understand that they're just going by what they know socially and it's either very different or very little.

CarlsBurg

How to put this delicately?

When it comes to Indian men in particular, how they 'court' women can be viewed as weird and even stalkerish as its completely the opposite of how people do it in the western world. I have so many examples of this.

And op, that whole "I love you" thing... yeah they do that, alot
You are obviously not interested but you have to be blunt with them. I mean very blunt. There is a lot of them who think a woman is like a nut that can be cracked. That you gotta keep trying.. that she is just playing hard to get.

Idle Passerby

They do not love you at all, please don't believe that someone you barely know could fall in love with you without any encouragement from you and then declare it in a text message!

Seeing as you are recently single, Id say they're just chancing their arm with you. I would take the declarations of love as the equivalent of an Irish/western guy saying "can I buy you a drink?" it means nothing.

Its a big geographical area we're talking about, with alot of different lifestyles coming under the banner of normal. I dont claim to be an expert on Indian/Asian culture at all, but taking into consideration that more women in those cultures would remain celibate before marriage, it could be that to some Asian/Indian men, western women are easier, and they naively think saying "I love you" to a virtual stranger will cause her to swoon and fall on her back. Its a clumsy unsophisticated chat up, dont see it as anything more than that.

I would just make it clear your not interested and dont find the declarations appropriate or flattering, but creepy.

bouncebouncey

cliona8969 wrote: »

thanks bouncey. yes oddly enough i find it is ONLY asian men that are approaching me in the past 2 years. i dont know what it is but they all seem to fall in love with me. it has to be normal in their culture i just find it very odd that no Europeans are acting the same.. i only recently got out of a longterm relationship so feel very vulnerable and i guess i'm craving romantic attention but am very worried this may lead somewhere bad.
he initially texted me saying "i love you i know its my problem but i do"
i had previously told him i had a boyfriend and i replied telling him not to talk like that to me again and if he does i wont speak to him and i asked him can we be friends. i feel like its unfair that people can act and fake feelings. i know he fancies how i look but how can he "love" me? is this normal for an indian muslim young man? i honestly thought muslims werent supposed to date...

Ah you're just not in a great space for this to be happening too you. I wouldn't put too much on it or read too much into it. Easy for me to say as I'm not the one just out of a long term relationship but it's still true.

They are being completely OTT and it's happened at a pretty bad time for you. Declarations of love are the last thing you need coming out of an LTR and I can see how it must be a bit of a head melter!

Anyway, again, they don't 'love' you. They might fancy the arse off you. It might even qualify as 'love' in their own culture but it's not love in the sense that me and you know it to be.

I wouldn't worry too much about these lads. Just tell them you're not interested and you don't want to hear their declarations of love anymore that you're not interested.

As for only getting interest from only asian men it's probably because you work with a lot. Apart from that you were in an LTR and weren't going to be out and about looking for love.

I wouldn't dwell on it. You'll be back dating and all the rest of it in your own good time and with someone you are compatible with.