Please help! Don't know what to do

LegacyUser

I'd appreciate some help and I badly need it cos I've made a monumental f*ck up that could ruin my relationship for good. I've been seeing a beautiful, funny and intelligent girl for the last month and a half. We hit it off, and have been going out since. No sex but there is a mad sexual chemistry and we've kissed and hold hands like a couple.

Anyways, I've seen her every day for the past three days and it was fantastic. Spent all day yesterday together and had a great time. She dropped me home at 6, then went to work. I had no plans for the evening but a friend persuaded me to go out and I did and got pissed. Drunk texted her, and tried to call her, she replied then stopped getting back to me. I didn't say anything bad, but I think it confused her. Today I knew she was angry when I woke up so I sent her a couple of messages apologising, and asking her to let me explain. She got back to me after a few hours saying she had a head ache and wanted me to leave her alone. We texted a bit but what got me was she said she was 'confused/weirded out' by what I did last night. She said in her last text that she got that I was drunk, but then said she was turning her phone off and didn't reply with an 'x' at the end as she usually does.

My question boardsies is what can I do to make up for it, and has it put her off me for good? She was very cold today and I understand that, didn't expect any different, but the way she said she was 'weirded out' has really got to me. I thought she knew me a bit better and could forgive something stupid that was done after a few pints, is this a relationship killer or is she making me sweat and grovel before she forgives me?

Please help.

gud4u

That's a bit confusing, did you text her something bad? It SEEMS like she's over reacting a bit, I don't know. Maybe she just had a really sh't night at work, does she work in a pub or something.

In any case, give her a couple of days to herself and take it from there.

LegacyUser

gud4u wrote: »

That's a bit confusing, did you text her something bad? It SEEMS like she's over reacting a bit, I don't know. Maybe she just had a really sh't night at work, does she work in a pub or something.

In any case, give her a couple of days to herself and take it from there.

Nothing too bad but I don't think she's used to people doing that (I'm living overseas) and she's never had contact with me when I've had a couple of drinks. I think I possibly over-reacted too by texting her two separate apologies today so I think if I give her some space she'll be ok (perhaps)

Rosy Posy

If something this minor is enough to kill the relationship then it sounds like it was dead on its feet/limping along to begin with...you're better off finding this out now than investing any more time and energy into it... or it could be just fine when you see her again. One thing's for sure, either you aren't giving the whole story of what you did/said or one of you is overreacting.

LegacyUser

Rosy Posy wrote: »

If something this minor is enough to kill the relationship then it sounds like it was dead on its feet/limping along to begin with...you're better off finding this out now than investing any more time and energy into it... or it could be just fine when you see her again. One thing's for sure, either you aren't giving the whole story of what you did/said or one of you is overreacting.

It's not dead on its feet, and has been getting stronger, but I think I could be over-reacting. I realised I did something stupid but I sent her 3 separate texts today at different times apologising and asking to talk to her. Perhaps that's what weirded her out but I'm surprised she was confused and even more surprised that she turned her phone off and is basically ignoring me now. I'm afraid she thinks I'm being clingy or something, so I'm goin to leave her be, we both work and were due to meet on Thursday for dinner so I'll not text her until Tuesday and see how that goes perhaps.

Can you remember exactly what you said to her? I guess what might have "weirded" her out was the multiple messages without receiving a reply. In future, calm down.

zxcvbnm1

boneyarsebogman wrote: »

Can you remember exactly what you said to her? I guess what might have "weirded" her out was the multiple messages without receiving a reply. In future, calm down.

Presumably it's in the sent items do no need to remember
OP - this sounds bizarre. I still don't get what you are apologizing about.

Can you clarify?

You sent a couple of texts while drunk and the texts weren't even offensive?
What's the issue here exactly?

are you just getting that post-drinking freakout people sometimes get OP?
just leave her alone for the day, chill out, and see how things are tomorrow

lace

Hi OP!

Did you say something strange or inappropriate in your drunken texts? Was there something in particular that annoyed her? It's difficult to understand why she would be so upset by a few simple drunken texts if there was nothing bad said in them.

How is her attitude to alcohol and drinking in general? Perhaps she's just not used to dealing with drunk people and doesn't like the idea of you not being completely in control of yourself?

I would say that, at the moment, it's probably best to just give her some space and time to cool off. If you didn't say anything inappropriate or offensive in your texts then she is definitely blowing this out of proportion. If it really was just a few innocent drunken texts then it shouldn't be a relationship breaker for her but if it is then it's better you find out now.

Monkey61

Not to sound all doom and gloom about this, but if she is reacting in such an extreme way over a couple of texts, it doesn't really give the impression that she likes you very much...

It is hard to judge without knowing the content of the texts, but unless it was something inappropriate or offensive, then she really shouldn't be behaving like this. You say it "confused" her, but what confused her? That a guy she is dating and had spent the whole day with text a few times when he was out and drunk? That is certainly no reason to make her angry or for her to turn her phone off. When you like someone and have only been dating for a while, it should be lovely to get texts, even silly drunk ones.

Similarly, her refusing to explain herself and asking you to "leave her alone" also doesn't exactly scream "I really like you"

But all of this is based on exactly how you have described it so I am not sure if you have left out something majorly important here, but she just sounds quite flaky and odd.

The most important thing here is not to grovel or apologise any further. You have said sorry, even though there isn't really any need to, so don't pander to her further. If all is how it sounds, then stand up for yourself because you haven't done anything wrong. After only 6 weeks, you shouldn't have to be second guessing someone and running after them to this extent to make up for a non-existent indiscretion.

A very valuable lesson I have learned through being in similar situations is: if someone you've only known a short while really likes you, then no normal expression of your feelings (such as a drunken text, telling them you like them etc.) should scare them off. If it does, then despite how strong your feelings are, they just aren't the one for you.

strandroad

op again wrote: »

Nothing too bad but I don't think she's used to people doing that (I'm living overseas) and she's never had contact with me when I've had a couple of drinks. I think I possibly over-reacted too by texting her two separate apologies today so I think if I give her some space she'll be ok (perhaps)

If she's not Irish then she might not be used to people drunk texting at all, or routinely drinking to the level at which you don't control/remember what you've been doing. She may have just freaked out because of this. Speaking from experience.

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

I will give you my point of view as a foreigner living in Ireland. I have to say it is quite a culture shock to some degree. I do like living here but there are a couple things that I have trouble getting used to, the bad weather and drinking culture. I had been in a position myself where a guy drunk texted or called me. Some of these guys I had dated for a short period of time like in your situation. Yes, I was angry and annoyed for a better word. Maybe to most posters on this thread it is an overreaction on your girlfriend's part. But for me, no. I personally never had this done to me at all until I moved over here. People need to realise what happens in one place where it is acceptable may not be elsewhere. Where I am from drunk texting or calling is found to be insincere and bad-mannered. Especially from someone of the opposite sex and at the beginning stages of a relationship where you are trying to get to know the other person. My thoughts are is he going to be like this all the time? Drinking getting drunk and texting or calling me to say something that is incomprehensible? How annoying! Or is he calling for sex! Even worse, who wants to have sex with someone pissed drunk?! Certainly, not me. One guy in particular that I really liked called me drunk and I hadn't a clue what he said to me. I told him to call me the next day. Then he texted like mad afterwards. I was so annoyed at him, I ignored all of his attempts at communication. It was until he sent me an email of an apology I decided to meet up with him and talk about it. I told him how I felt about the situation. Now he no longer calls or texts me when he is out drinking. Whenever he goes out with his friends, I will tell him to have fun and that we will speak or see each other the following day and that's that.

So maybe she had the same feelings about the whole incident and was offended by all of it. My suggestions are give her space and some time. If she is not answering your calls and turns off her phone instead send her an email of apology. Tell her that you really like her, appreciate the time you both spend together and that you are sorry for what happened and you didn't know what went through your head at the time and that you would like to see her again. That was what my boyfriend wrote to me that convinced me to meet up with him. She may respond to you or not. If not, unfortunately you are going to have to move on and learn from this.

neuro-praxis

I'm Irish and I enjoy a few drinks but I hate sloppy drunkenness and I hate drunk texting. I'd probably react similar to her, except I'd be straight with you and tell you that drunk texting or calling me is a no-no, and then forget about it.

I'd give her some space, then call rather than text to discuss things.