Confused about strong physical attraction

LegacyUser

Last summer I was sent to a conference in Sydney. As I didn’t know anyone else there, on the first day I just picked a seat at random and sat down. I got chatting to the guy sitting next to me and he was quite nice, and over the course of the conference met a few other people who I got on well with.

However, I found myself becoming quite attracted to the guy that I sat next to on the first day, and I’ve never felt anything like it. It was like electricity was crackling between us; I actually moved my arm away from his because though we weren’t actually touching I could feel something and was hyper-aware of him sitting next to me. I’m pretty sure that he felt something too, because while he wasn’t outright flirting he was certainly very friendly.

On the last night we were there a few of us went out for drinks and had a great time. Going back to the hotel there were three of us, and we got to his floor first when we went up in the lift; he gave me a meaningful look as he got out, but I didn’t follow him. In a way I’m glad that the other girl was there with us in the lift, as if he’d kissed me I’m not entirely sure that I would have stopped him.

The thing is, I have a boyfriend and this other guy is married. Though nothing happened, I still feel guilty, because I feel like I might have cheated, though I don’t think I would have actually had sex with him.

You’re probably wondering why this even matters, as it was months ago – well he emailed me yesterday, as there is another conference coming up in Spain and he was asking if I’d be there. It isn’t for a while, so I haven’t heard anything about it yet in work, but I already feel that if it does come up I’m going to make an excuse not to go. Am I being silly? I’m sure to bump into him at some point in the future, as we work in the same area, so I’m probably just putting it off. I’ve never had such a strong physical reaction to someone before, and even when I saw his email I got a jolt of butterflies in my stomach.

Also, if I get a feeling this strong about someone I only met for a few days over half a year ago, does that mean that my relationship is doomed? I love my boyfriend, and we’ve been together several years; it would seem a bit silly to chuck it all in because of something that didn’t even happen. I am quite confused though and it is tinged with guilt.

I am a friend

confusedaboutotherguy wrote: »

Also, if I get a feeling this strong about someone I only met for a few days over half a year ago, does that mean that my relationship is doomed?

Are you still in touch with him?

Flirtations come and go and you will always be tempted. part of the reason there was such a frisson was that it was illicit...

Is there chemistry between you and your bf?

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

Are you still in touch with him?

Flirtations come and go and you will always be tempted. part of the reason there was such a frisson was that it was illicit...

Is there chemistry between you and your bf?

OP here. I haven't been in touch with him at all, until this email that he sent me yesterday.

There is chemistry between me and my boyfriend, but not as strong as that We don't see each other very often at the moment because we're working in different places and are essentially long-distance, maybe that's part of the reason?

Beruthiel

confusedaboutotherguy wrote: »

The thing is, I have a boyfriend and this other guy is married.

The man is married.

Whatever it is that is going through your head, drop it.
He is unavailable, not for you. Married.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

The man is married.

Whatever it is that is going through your head, drop it.
He is unavailable, not for you. Married.

I’m aware of that. I should probably clarify that I’m not looking for justification to have an affair with him, as I said in my original post I’m considering avoiding events that I know he will be attending. My issue is more that I am alarmed by how attracted I was/am to someone who isn’t my boyfriend, and whether that is a sign that my own relationship isn’t going well. I’m horrified by how close I came to considering cheating, as I always thought of it as being a fairly black and white thing. I’d shoved it to the back of my mind until his email.

Katy89

Beruthiel wrote: »

The man is married.

Whatever it is that is going through your head, drop it.
He is unavailable, not for you. Married.

he might be available for you, but the question is: for what...??

In other words I agree with the poster above, be very very careful with a married person. most of the time it is just a flirty thing for them and nothing serious. and being on a conference, it actually let alarm bells ring for me, a good friend of mine started something wiht a guy she met on a conference. I think she really liked him (actually fell in love with him I would say) and she was hoping there would be coming out more, but no, they met on more conferences, he had his pleasurable adventure, she was left disappointed/constantly hoping for more. it's funny cause that guy was actually from sydney as well... :eek: (na, just coincidence:))

do you want to risk something like that? getting emotionally involved but the other part is just searching for a bit of an adventure?

for sure I don't know the guy and I don't know you, maybe you two are made for each other and will live happily ever after, at the end only you can decide. just giving my 2 cents from exeperience with that friend and reading a lot about such stories, they usually never end well..

LegacyUser

This is simply part of being in a relationship. You are committed to one person and loyal to them. Every now and then you meet somebody you think is attractive, but you don't do anything about it because you are in a relationship. Once in a blue moon you meet somebody that is just amazing, you feel totally connected to, etc., etc.,...

... and if you are happy with your relationship you don't let it go further than that.

Go to the conference. Find out what it is like to flirt a bit and enjoy another man's company. There is nothing wrong with flirting unless you bring it further.

A friend of mine is the biggest flirt ever with women. He just loves female company and loves to charm women. If you didn't know him you would think he was only after one thing. This is a very happily married man and I know for a fact he is totally loyal and would never ever ever be unfaithful to his wife. He just happens to love flirting!

P. Breathnach

that's life wrote: »

...
Go to the conference. Find out what it is like to flirt a bit and enjoy another man's company. There is nothing wrong with flirting unless you bring it further....

Neither is there anything wrong with choosing not to flirt.

confusedaboutotherguy wrote: »

...
On the last night we were there a few of us went out for drinks and had a great time. Going back to the hotel there were three of us, and we got to his floor first when we went up in the lift; he gave me a meaningful look as he got out...

That's dangerous stuff, and doesn't look like light-hearted flirting. Best not to play with fire.

I am a friend

confusedaboutotherguy wrote: »

I haven't been in touch with him at all, until this email that he sent me yesterday.

sorry missed that...

You are playing with fire if you deliberately go to the conference to meet him... Wait and see if you are asked to go and decide then but I would not continue the email contact either as, if you do, he will think he has the green light at the conference...

Does sound like something has gone a bit flat with your bf....