Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

I drove my daughter's Hamster to the vet's this morning.

I'm quite handy with my new Callaway golf clubs....!!


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One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.

The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks.

Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.

The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad?

Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and put me in a salad.

The Penis says, "You think that your lives are tough?

Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly room, and force me to do push-ups until I puke and pass out!


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There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.

''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked.

The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ''Nope.''

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs.

As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ''I thought you said your dog didn't bite!''

The old man muttered, ''Ain't my dog.''