Ungrateful Family

LegacyUser

Basically I invited my family over for dinner. They all accepted I told them what I was making and they said great. So I started to shop and get bits and pieces in. Today i get text to say, thanks for the invite, they still want to come but can we order take away as they are not the biggest fans of what I was planning to cook (even though Ive seen them order same dish in restaurants)

It probably would have cost me over 100 euro to buy everything and wine again I was finished. I think this is a cheek and said they could have their takeaway somewhere else and I would invite some other friends over, given that I have half the ingreadiants purchased and dont want the food to go to waste.

I've gone to dinner int he past to peoples houses where I would not be the biggest fan of the dish, but would never dream of insulting the hosts by asking for a takeaway instead.

Am I right to be annoyed?

Daisy M

Does your family consist of your mam and dad and siblings living at home? Is it possible some of them dont like the dinner you were preparing and they may have thought it easier to get a takeaway to suit everyones tastebuds rather than you cooking two different meals? Did they offer to help pay? It is a little cheeky but I dont think its worth getting upset about.

LegacyUser

Yes, it does involve parents and siblings but not living at home as I have my own house. They were with me last week shopping and saw me buying some of the stuff and knew what would be made.

I've given the full story here to a couple of people in work and they've said it is out of line.

Starokan

I think its pretty inconsiderate of them to be honest. If they had asked you to change menu initially then fair enough but to say great, let you plan it and then say they don't like it, its a bit much.

Definitely not worth falling out with them over but i think you are right to express your annoyance.

deisemum

I don't blame you for being annoyed, they are rude and inconsiderate especially knowing you'd gone to the expense and effort of getting some of the ingredients in already. If they wanted to suggest a takeaway they should have said it earlier.

P. Breathnach

UpFed wrote: »

... I think this is a cheek and said they could have their takeaway somewhere else and I would invite some other friends over, given that I have half the ingreadiants purchased and dont want the food to go to waste.

Give a little: try to arrange another date for them to bring takeaways to your place.

... Am I right to be annoyed?

Yes. But it's best if you can get over it.

fundlebundle

I think you are right to be annoyed.
I would be upset if my family did that to me and I would tell them that I didn't appreciate their suggestion. I wouldn't go mad at them just slag them for turning down a nice meal for a takeaway.
On their side of things maybe they saw what you were buying and felt guilty about the cost, suggesting a takeaway as a cheaper alternative.

analucija

How bad is your cooking that they prefer takeaway?

I'm joking, I hate takeaways and to be honest I can't fathom why would anybody prefer them to nice home cooked meal. I would be very annoyed and I think they were extremely inconsiderate. Plan your revenge, next time invite them without telling what you are cooking or promise them something else they all love and when they come serve them what you planed to do this time (or something they really hate). You can apologize and make up some nonsense excuse why you had to change the menu last minute.

Daisy M

I am guessing that there is probably one of them who really doesnt like what your making or you cooking and is throwing a tantrum, someone else is trying to pour oil over troubled waters by suggesting a take away. Or maybe they just dont want to put you through the hassle of cooking and cleaning up after a big dinner.

Neyite

Op, family can be funny like that.

My mother sees visiting her children as a treat, so as she sees a takeaway as a treat, she invariably has decided thats on the menu when she visits, weeks before she actually arrives.

I've lost count of the times she has landed with the takeaway under her arm when I've went to a lot of effort and expense to get food in for her.

Then she had the cheek to say "Oh, Neyite cant cook" (wholly attributed to the Burnt Boiled Egg fiasco of '89 )

Finally, I managed to pre-empt her once, and warned her not to get a takeaway because I was cooking up something gorgeous, and she raved about it afterwards. I think she just thought I was as useless at cooking as I was in my teens.

It could be that someone in your family dont want you to go to any effort or expense, or it could be that they dont like your cooking - you wont know until you ask. I'd ask jokingly and guage the response.

Morag

I would be pissed off but glad.
Glad to know that I need never have to bother myself trying to invite them to dinner again.

neuro-praxis

Neyite wrote: »

Op, family can be funny like that.

My mother sees visiting her children as a treat, so as she sees a takeaway as a treat, she invariably has decided thats on the menu when she visits, weeks before she actually arrives.

I've lost count of the times she has landed with the takeaway under her arm when I've went to a lot of effort and expense to get food in for her.

Then she had the cheek to say "Oh, Neyite cant cook" (wholly attributed to the Burnt Boiled Egg fiasco of '89 )

Er...do we have the same mother? Except for the bit where she actually ate what you cooked, you'd think we came from the same family.

I'm actually known by my friends and even my in-laws for being a good cook and throwing a good party. I am thirty this year and my mother has never tasted a thing I have cooked. It's always a bloody Chinese.

So OP, yes. Your annoyance is understandable. But probably not worth falling out over.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses. I am not going to fall out with them or anything but am going to stand my ground on it. I've already spent money buying stuff and I don't want it to go to waste, so will get friends over instead. I am not going to mention it again.

My family have a habit of pushing the boat too far and not knowing when or what is an insult and there are often needless and hurtful exchanges.

By the way, and I know self praise is no praise, but I am a really good cook. They were getting, beef lasagne/seafood lasagne, roasted baby rosemary potatoes, garlic bread mixed salad, basil and mozeralla salad followed by banoffee pie and some nice chilled wines. So even if they did not eat all of that, there was something they could have eaten!!!

I am not going to fall out with them, but the suggestion to say it in a slagging tone but get my point across......God you were invited for....(and name it all out above) and you preferred a dodgy chinese....so I've invited John or Paddy or whoever instead....Point made and no fall out.

teacherspet

That sounds lovely.

I am a friend

Ah families would drive you mad. I have given up asking my parents - one wont eat chicken but eats turkey, no peas, no pasta, no corn, no lamb, only plain spuds and the list goes on and on...

you are doing the right thing by using the food with someone else.. Let them get the hint.

sarahbro

Life is far too short to fall out with family over a dinner.

The Lovely Muffin

You are right to be annoyed OP, especially as they knew you had purchased ingredients and even before you purchased the ingredients presumably your family had time to ask you to cook something else or something, but leaving it to the last minute is inconsiderate.

It's not worth falling out with them over, but I wouldn't be inviting them over any time soon.