Finding it hard to get over ex

msg11

Basically I was in a relationship with a girl for just on the button 3 months. I broke up with her two Sundays ago and I can't get her out of my head. I have told her my feelings for her are still alive and I regret ending it, basically there was a rocky two weeks of fights (arguments about sex and cheating), then the weekend I broke up with her I didn't here from hear her much that weekend, although her mother was in hospital but she was still able to go too her friends house for drinks.

I have asked her out to talk about this, but she doesn't want to come out because she thinks we will end up together again and she can't handle the stress of a relationship.

Now I just can't get over it, I get angry when I think about it, picture her with other people and really can't handle it. Can't understand how she can just be over a person so quick. What makes me even more angry, is I found out she slept with a guy new years eve while out at club, the same club I was in at the time and I was seeing her but not officially with her. I then got with her about a week later, it makes me feel sick when I think of it.

Any advise ? I don't know what to be thinking, one hand I like the girl but on the other hand I think shes made a right fool out of me. Basket of emotion up in the head, need some non bull**** advise.

Thanks.

MariMel

msg11 wrote: »

Basically I was in a relationship with a girl for just on the button 3 months. I broke up with her two Sundays ago and I can't get her out of my head. I have told her my feelings for her are still alive and I regret ending it, basically there was a rocky two weeks of fights (arguments aboutsex and cheating ), then the weekend I broke up with her I didn't here from hear her much that weekend, although her mother was in hospital but she was still able to go too her friends house for drinks.

I have asked her out to talk about this, but she doesn't want to come out because she thinks we will end up together again and she can't handle the stress of a relationship.

Now I just can't get over it, I get angry when I think about it, picture her with other people and really can't handle it. Can't understand how she can just be over a person so quick. What makes me even more angry, is I found out she slept with a guy new years eve while out at club, the same club I was in at the time and I was seeing her but not officially with her. I then got with her about a week later, it makes me feel sick when I think of it.

Any advise ? I don't know what to be thinking, one hand I like the girl but on the other hand I think shes made a right fool out of me. Basket of emotion up in the head, need some non bull**** advise.

Thanks.

Ok....answer a few questions.......did she think you were exclusive when she slept with this guy on new years eve? If not....then although you are hurt by her actions, she was not your girlfriend, you were not in a relationship and therefore she did not cheat on you. If she has slept/kissed another guy since you officially were a couple then that a whole other thing.
You guys were barely together 2 months yet during that period you were fighting over sex. Seems a little odd that you should be fighting over this so early in any relationship. I know couples who seem to thrive on constant arguments.....its just not for me. And fighting at the start of any relationship is not a good omen.
From the information you have given I dont think she has made a fool out of you at all. There might be bits you havent shared but imo I reckon that she either does not want a relationship with you or that she is not in the place to deal with a relationship. Relationships so early on in them should be fun.....not stressful. Her mother is unwell so I would hazzard a guess and say that that is enough for her to have to deal with at the moment.
It might be hard to hear, but you finished it with her. Actions have consequences and at the moment you are not ready to deal with the consequences of the choice you made. I;d give her some space and time.
Give yourself space and time. Find something to occupy your mind. Going over and over what happened will not do you any good. You will end up replaying scenarios in your head and the only thing that will do is make you feel worse.

msg11

MariMel wrote: »

Ok....answer a few questions.......did she think you were exclusive when she slept with this guy on new years eve? If not....then although you are hurt by her actions, she was not your girlfriend, you were not in a relationship and therefore she did not cheat on you. If she has slept/kissed another guy since you officially were a couple then that a whole other thing.
You guys were barely together 2 months yet during that period you were fighting over sex. Seems a little odd that you should be fighting over this so early in any relationship. I know couples who seem to thrive on constant arguments.....its just not for me. And fighting at the start of any relationship is not a good omen.
From the information you have given I dont think she has made a fool out of you at all. There might be bits you havent shared but imo I reckon that she either does not want a relationship with you or that she is not in the place to deal with a relationship. Relationships so early on in them should be fun.....not stressful. Her mother is unwell so I would hazzard a guess and say that that is enough for her to have to deal with at the moment.
It might be hard to hear, but you finished it with her. Actions have consequences and at the moment you are not ready to deal with the consequences of the choice you made. I;d give her some space and time.
Give yourself space and time. Find something to occupy your mind. Going over and over what happened will not do you any good. You will end up replaying scenarios in your head and the only thing that will do is make you feel worse.

Cheers, I don't think she did either.. I did enjoy myself with her before the week of fighting over stupid stuff (and it was only one week), just it sadness me that I ended it yet I want to work things out cause we were a good couple before this non sense and it feels like she dose not have the time of day for me, But as you said I ended it so have to live by my actions. Suppose another thing I miss is we were good friends before we started seeing each other and now there absolutely no chat between us.

But your right, time is the healer..

Miss Fluff

The relationship sounded like one head-wreck after another tbh. After three months you should be absolutely delighted with one another. Give it time and you'll get over it - just remind yourself it wasn't going to work. I also think you need to respect her wishes and just leave her alone.

msg11

Miss Fluff wrote: »

The relationship sounded like one head-wreck after another tbh. After three months you should be absolutely delighted with one another. Give it time and you'll get over it - just remind yourself it wasn't going to work. I also think you need to respect her wishes and just leave her alone.

Oh , no it's just when she texts me that I will reply think I sent about two messages since we split.

I suppose I let her go, if she wants to be with other people then I have to respect that. Guess I will have to move on also. Hopefully my next relationship will be alot more progressive and none of this head melting stuff.

Miss Fluff

I think when there is love and mutual respect there then you don't get the headmelts that come with relationships that aren't right to start with. Hopefully you'll meet someone nice soon

msg11

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I think when there is love and mutual respect there then you don't get the headmelts that come with relationships that aren't right to start with. Hopefully you'll meet someone nice soon

More me that was the head melt, one bad week had alot on my mind wasn't thinking right at all. Just finding it hard to stop thinking of her as I do miss her, but I was the one that ended it so it's my own fault I feel this way.

superfish

to be honest it seems like a bad relationship and as much as it hurts now its probably better to forget about her things are never the same once there is cheating involved, ya sure you could get back with her and in another 4 month be in this exact same position or on the other hand you could forget about her and in another 4 month be with a girl that deserves to be with you and makes you happy and trust me you will look back and think why were you so upset about someone who treated you like that. I know its so hard right now because in my opinion there is no worse pain but you need to be strong it gets easier in time hope this helps mate

msg11

superfish wrote: »

to be honest it seems like a bad relationship and as much as it hurts now its probably better to forget about her things are never the same once there is cheating involved, ya sure you could get back with her and in another 4 month be in this exact same position or on the other hand you could forget about her and in another 4 month be with a girl that deserves to be with you and makes you happy and trust me you will look back and think why were you so upset about someone who treated you like that. I know its so hard right now because in my opinion there is no worse pain but you need to be strong it gets easier in time hope this helps mate

Wasn't so much cheating, but a white lie. When I asked her about her sleeping with this certain person, she said to me that they only had a bit of a wear (kiss) back in November, but I was told they definitely slept together on New Years after I was in the same club as her that night and even though we were not an item but seeing each other.

If she can tell a lie like that and not be honest when I ask, I dunno what else there is too this girl. It's actually quite hard to find a decent girl these days one that actually wants a real relationship. Suppose I was expecting a lot more than I though, she still wants to party and have the bant with other blokes. Just feel like a right sap that I lead myself on into thinking it was a serious relationship, all it's seems was she wanted someone to hang out with during the week once the weekend arrived she had her own ideas.

Mine was only 3 months, maybe it's best it didn't go any further. Someday that girl will come into my life that feels the exact same as me!

superfish

msg11 wrote: »

Wasn't so much cheating, but a white lie. When I asked her about her sleeping with this certain person, she said to me that they only had a bit of a wear (kiss) back in November, but I was told they definitely slept together on New Years after I was in the same club as her that night and even though we were not an item but seeing each other.

If she can tell a lie like that and not be honest when I ask, I dunno what else there is too this girl. It's actually quite hard to find a decent girl these days one that actually wants a real relationship. Suppose I was expecting a lot more than I though, she still wants to party and have the bant with other blokes. Just feel like a right sap that I lead myself on into thinking it was a serious relationship, all it's seems was she wanted someone to hang out with during the week once the weekend arrived she had her own ideas.

Mine was only 3 months, maybe it's best it didn't go any further. Someday that girl will come into my life that feels the exact same as me!

man I was stuck wit a girl like that for 5 years an had a break up like this every six month its not worth it, and yea I tend to agree with you about no girls out there that want a serious relationship as its been 9 month since I broke up wit my ex and met a girl at a party an seemed to really hit it off an to cut long story short we slept together for a week an turns out she just wants fcuk buddy an im just not into that call me old fashioned I guess but my point is she led me along somthing wicked girls can really **** you about

LegacyUser

Op, two big things that strike me are:

1, If she was "free and single" as you two were not in a relationship on New Years night. Why did feel a need to hide the fact she slept with him/someone else? + why wasnt she open about it being cool to see other people in the 'seeing' phase ... I've seen this before tho. Its playing the whole technicality card (which is such BS) ... "we were on a break" , "We werent in a relationship" yadda yadda. Its all BS.

2, Step out from all this mess. Back to New Years night. You were 'seeing' a girl AND also in the same club that night then she goes off and sleeps with another guy? :O But yet you were the guy she was meant to be 'dating' - which led to a relationship?

Forget about her & the last 3 months. Thats just a head wrecking and hurtful experience. Move on. Time heals all.

snafuk35

msg11 wrote: »

Basically I was in a relationship with a girl for just on the button 3 months. I broke up with her two Sundays ago and I can't get her out of my head. I have told her my feelings for her are still alive and I regret ending it, basically there was a rocky two weeks of fights (arguments about sex and cheating), then the weekend I broke up with her I didn't here from hear her much that weekend, although her mother was in hospital but she was still able to go too her friends house for drinks.

I have asked her out to talk about this, but she doesn't want to come out because she thinks we will end up together again and she can't handle the stress of a relationship.

Now I just can't get over it, I get angry when I think about it, picture her with other people and really can't handle it. Can't understand how she can just be over a person so quick. What makes me even more angry, is I found out she slept with a guy new years eve while out at club, the same club I was in at the time and I was seeing her but not officially with her. I then got with her about a week later, it makes me feel sick when I think of it.

Any advise ? I don't know what to be thinking, one hand I like the girl but on the other hand I think shes made a right fool out of me. Basket of emotion up in the head, need some non bull**** advise.

Thanks.

You don't own her. Find someone else. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Move on.

to the op. feelings are different then needs. you may feel strongly for this girl but your needs are far beyond what she can provide. i can relate to your story. i couldnt understaand for a long time why i let 'the perfect girl go' but whilst the fact is she is a lovely person i have to keep reminding myself she just isnt for me as if she was we would have met each others relatiionship needs but we didnt.

leightheone

its only 3 mouths and you broke up with her
get over yourself,,,,,

Taltos

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Taltos